One and done? - Page 2

[Abraisme]

Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom

People comment on it for the same reason they say stupid things about any number or arrangement of children in a family. Many folks just tend to run at the mouth.

I have one DD and one DS and people comment all the time.. I get comments that assume that we're DONE because we have a "perfect" family. Uhm, not true at all. We plan on having 3-4 kids, but our society says that 2 is perfect (especially one boy and one girl) and that we should STOP! Do what works for your family and ignore comments, people simply blab too much.

[BlueWolf]

Originally Posted by laohaire

I was an only and I thought it was great. I was actually quite surprised when I was an adult and figured out that being an only was supposed to be bad. I thought everybody would have wanted to be an only. It seemed to me that people didn't like their siblings (a complicated factor that I haven't figured out yet anyway).

MIL was an only child and hated it. Like a PP she said she felt very lonely. I believe that had everything to do with the parents. Her father was a bit abusive and certainly cold. Her mother was warmer to her but always sided with her father so she really was alone, no-one in her corner at all. I didn't grow up that way at all, I had both of my parents and they were on my side, interested in me, involved with me.

So my point is that it's valid that some onlies felt alone, but I believe it's not because they were onlies per se, but because they were onlies in a house where nobody was engaged with them. (I think that in some houses even with siblings a person can feel alone, if the siblings don't align together either).

Thank you for this post! My biggest fear is that my daughter will grow up lonely. It's a relief to know that onlies don't have to be lonely just because they have no siblings.

[scottishmommy]

I'm not an only child, but my mom and all of my grandparents are. We are a family of only children. There are a lot of benefits to having just one. For the child there are more resources, financially and emotionally, and the parents have more freedom to do what they want, and have a lot of opportunity to give back to society.

[Mirrormonkey]

We had another when our ds1 was almost 4... Still question my decision to have another but wouldn't trade ds2 in for anything.

Ignore peoples comments and do what is right for your family, you gotta live your life to make yourself happy.

[DevaMajka]

I was happy with just ds1. It was a scary birth- they weren't entirely sure I'd live- so I got very few comments about having a second one.
I did have the thought that I might want to adopt one day, but there was NOT going to be another baby coming from THIS body.
I was happy focusing on ds, I never really felt the need to have another baby. I'm not a huge baby person anyway. Ds1 was 4 before I had even the teeniest thought of "maybe it wouldn't be so awful" to have another one. But still no desire to actually do it.
And yeah, ds1 was a very high needs baby.

Note that I mentioned "ds1". Yep, nature had different plans, and ds2 was a pleasant surprise. (he's totally not high needs, ftr).

Just wanted to say that wanting to stay with just one seems totally normal to me. Nothing wrong with it at all! There are advantages to both ways.

[Cascadian]

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[HeliMom]

I'm a firm believer in every baby a wanted baby. I don't think anyone should have a child because they feel the are supposed to. However there are advantages to having siblings that I'd like to point out.

As adults siblings can lean on each other for the tough stuff that friends would eventually have to back away from. Case in point: my Uncle recently had a stroke and was left paralyzed my mother drives 2 hours several times a week to do physical therapy with him, to advocate for him, and to help my aunt learn to take care of the everyday stuff she never dealt with before. It exhausts and saddens her but it's family.

Sometimes it's nice to have another adult willing to be there for you who knows you and your family.

[chipper26]

I really don't know why there is such negativity toward onlies. My dd will probably be an only - 99% chance. I don't know where the evidence is that they are spoiled rotten. In fact, I've heard that they actually have higher self-esteems than their sibling blessed counterparts. WHo knows.

What is best for you is just that, best for you. I hate when I feel pressured to explain why we have chosen to have only one. Part of it isn't really a choice, considering my dh's and my medical history.

Anyway, enjoy your precious baby and try your best to blow it off. You'll make peace with it eventually... I'm almost there myself.

Best to be happy with one then miserable with two or more if you feel it's not for you.

[chipper26]

Originally Posted by laohaire

I was an only and I thought it was great. I was actually quite surprised when I was an adult and figured out that being an only was supposed to be bad. I thought everybody would have wanted to be an only. It seemed to me that people didn't like their siblings (a complicated factor that I haven't figured out yet anyway).

MIL was an only child and hated it. Like a PP she said she felt very lonely. I believe that had everything to do with the parents. Her father was a bit abusive and certainly cold. Her mother was warmer to her but always sided with her father so she really was alone, no-one in her corner at all. I didn't grow up that way at all, I had both of my parents and they were on my side, interested in me, involved with me.

So my point is that it's valid that some onlies felt alone, but I believe it's not because they were onlies per se, but because they were onlies in a house where nobody was engaged with them. (I think that in some houses even with siblings a person can feel alone, if the siblings don't align together either).

I had a brother and still felt lonely. He did make things soooo much better, but the bottom line is, my parents "made" me feel that way...like I coudn't count on them for emotional kind of problems. I promised myself my dd would never have to feel isolated like that, whether she has siblings or not. So much depends on the home environment.

[mamaofthree]

i think honestly people will have issues with whatever choice you make, want to have one, or want to have 10. it doesn't matter, everyone seems to have an opinion on how many children is the correct number... you have just got to do what is right for your family, and then blow those people a big raspberry. lol

h