Potty Training/Speech

[AKA_PI]

My son is now 19 months old and a ball of energy. LOL He's very good signing certain words to me but he still sometimes speaks in baby gibberish. Although this isn't entirely bad because he can pronouce tons of words, I just can't get him to say "juice" or "eat" when he's hungry or thirsty. I've tried not giving him what he wants until he says the word but that doesn't work. He just screams and cries to no end. I had him completely weaned off the pacifier about 5 months ago and now he's back on it at night. Ugh!

I know someone suggested letting him cry it out but as a single parent, I cant' deal with the screaming at 3am when I have to get up two hours later. Any suggestions?

Next question: when is a good time to potty train and how do you do it? We bought him a potty and he insists on using it for a step stool I've tried making him sit on it for long periods of times but he just wont. He even knows what pee-pee means and what to do but he just wont go. Is it too early? My mom said I was potty trained by 19 months so where am I dropping the ball on my son?

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by AKA_PI

My son is now 19 months old and a ball of energy. LOL He's very good signing certain words to me but he still sometimes speaks in baby gibberish. Although this isn't entirely bad because he can pronouce tons of words, I just can't get him to say "juice" or "eat" when he's hungry or thirsty.

I'd back off on trying to make him use words. It sounds like he's got a lot of words, and his ability to use them will come along. The best thing you can do at this age is model, model, model. If he whines for juice, say "Oh, you want some juice? Ok, let's get you some juice. You must be thirsty."

Toddlers your son's age have a very hard time using language when they are upset. So, he's not being stubborn, he literally cannot use language when he is feeling strong emotions, or is hungry or thirsty. As he gets better at language (in a 4-6-8 months), he'll be much better able to combine these things.

Originally Posted by AKA_PI

Next question: when is a good time to potty train and how do you do it? We bought him a potty and he insists on using it for a step stool I've tried making him sit on it for long periods of times but he just wont. He even knows what pee-pee means and what to do but he just wont go. Is it too early? My mom said I was potty trained by 19 months so where am I dropping the ball on my son?

Relax and give him time. For many parents of prior generations, potty training your child early was a 'status symbol' of some sort. They devoted a lot of time to it. My MIL (I love the woman) describes how moms would get together and brag about how early they potty trained their child.

Note here that the word is "trained" -- there was often a lot of shaming and other behaviors that weren't great for the child. And I'm 90% convinced that what they really did was simply coordinate the parent and child signals around this, so that the parents could catch the child when they needed to go -- a lot like EC, probably.

When should you start? When your child can tell you that they need to go, when they show an interest in the potty, and when they can control both holding it and letting it go. (It's the letting it go part that's hard.) For most kids, those things come together between 2 and 3. For some kids it's later. For some it's earlier. Our ds trained at 3 1/2 (with major bribery), our dd learned at 2 1/2 with no bribery whatsoever.

You can start changing him near the potty and having him sit on it to 'try'. Let him up whenever he wants to get up. Assuming his body is functioning the way it should, you won't have a child going to Kindergarten still in diapers.

[tankgirl73]

Agree totally with the above regarding speech. If he's signing, then he's fine. Oral control of words is a difficult thing and can take months and months and months after they have intellectual understanding of the concepts. And just because YOU want him to say "eat" doesn't mean that HE is ready to say "eat" -- he's working on other words instead.

When my DD was 19mo she had a bare handful of spoken words. And something like 100 signs. No problem communicating. And that's the key -- COMMUNICATION. If you are communicating with each other, that's how he learns speech. Not vice versa. Anyway, now she's 3 and is a total chatterbox, way ahead of the curve verbally, in terms of vocabulary, syntax, and pronounciation.

As for the PT, I'd disagree that older generations did earlier potty training as a "status" thing. They did it because diapers in those days were a pain! As disposable diapers became easier to use and cheaper, the age of potty training went up, and up, and up...

But remembering that sposie diapers are a modern invention, and that human beings (and human babies) have been "doing their business" for thousands and thousands of years, you'd have to admit that the current average is at least somewhat "artificial" and not truly reflective of what babies are actually capable of in terms of learning to control their elimination.

The issue that you have to deal with at this point, is that a child of this age who has always been only in diapers is now "diaper-trained". Babies are not born with the programming to pee in diapers and then naturally shift to potties. Diapers are an artificial imposition we have placed over their instincts. So they've become acclimatized to peeing in their clothes, without having to think about it or 'hold it', as the expected norm.

So, you have two options. If you do want to PT now -- and trust me, your son is perfectly capable, he just needs some help to figure it out -- you should read up on "late-start EC" for more information and advice. Or, you can choose to wait until he's old enough to figure it out for himself. When that happens varies widely. It may be age 2, it may not be until he's nearly 4.

It's absolutely true that all kids will figure it out eventually, there's no long-term harm in letting a child wait and wait and wait. It's a matter of how long you want to have to deal with diapers (and rashes and cleaning and battles over changing) yourself, and how long you think it's respectful to allow him to continue to walk around in his own waste. That's totally a matter of personal opinion -- some parents believe that it's completely fine, others wouldn't dream of it any more than absolutely necessary.

I think it's probably obvious which camp I fall into lol... But I just wanted to make it clear, that yes you can choose to wait and your child will eventually be fine, or yes you can work on it now, just look into EC principles and realize you'll have to take the lead on it to help him re-learn his body's signals. Whatever is best for you and your family.

[serenbat]

there was often a lot of shaming and other behaviors that weren't great for the child

that's a very broadand damning statement-any proof to back that up?


please OP don't buy into to-visit the ec section and go with your gut in training

[hakeber]

AKA PI, Have you ever been to a foreign country where they don't speak English? Maybe you even know some of the language, Maybe you even understand LOTS of the language but have a hard time formulating the ideas in your head clearly enough to be understood.

That is sort of like what our kids are going through from birth to about 5 years old...they are emmersed in a foreign language. Some days, when everything is JUST right and they feel good, and have enough food, etc. they can and will communicate light years beyond anyone's expectations. But then other days they may not have had enough sleep or maybe they have a cold, or maybe they are THIRSTY or HUNGRY (both distressing states of mind that can drastically raise the effective filter for input and output) or have to have a poo/pee and re not excited about going in their pants, and they FREAK out and panic and can't find the words...they just aren't there.

Imagine you were thirsty or hungry in a restaurant in a foreign country and the person you were asking wouldn't give you what you wanted until you said it properly in their language. It's kind of mean when you think about it, isn't it?

Don't you think you'd have a tantrum, too? I know I have...I remember very clearly being in a store my first week in Argentina. I had studied Spanish for a long time, so I knew the language fairly well, probably at a four or five year old's level. Anyway, I needed some forks, and I couldn't remember the word but I was pointing to them, and the man behind the counter kept picking up everything but what I needed, I thought he was winding me up, doing it on purpose, and I thought I was going to lose it, because I KNEW the word, I just couldn't find it, and I needed those forks because otherwise dh and I were going to be eating spaghetti with our hands, and I just was so frustrated, I started screaming "the forks! Damn you, The Forks, los Forkes! POR FAVOOOOOOOR The F-ing FORKS!!!!!!", and he was all "Tranqila, Tranquila" calm down. but I couldn't! He wasn't understanding me and I had lost my words and the panic led to further loss of words. It was a VICIOUS CYCLE. Until finally he got them for me and told me the word...tenedor! (and he was so super nice about it too) And you would think that would be enough to cement that word in my head...took another two years to get in there and be accessible on demand regardless of emotional or physical stress.

So I try to go really easy on my kid when he forgets the words, even now at almost five. It can be very frustrating as a parent because you KNOW they know the word, and you just want to reach in and grab it out for them, and sometimes when you offer the word they want, it makes them even more angry because they wanted to do it alone...oh god, it's hard! But it does get better!

As for Toilet learning, check out the EC forum. There is no "too soon", imo, but only if you have the right attitude (and possibly a lot of plastic covers for your furniture and rugs ). Be prepared to pay even closer attention to your son, and to do a lot of laundry.

With ds we didn't even think about doing anything else but disposable diapers. Change when full. He started asking for the toilet himself around 24 months, and then he was out of diapers by day with occassional accidents by 28 months. He did not get off of night time diapers until he was almost four! t almost five he still wets the bed once a month or so.

I am ec-ing my two month old and it is really great, she already will only go poo over the toilet or if you hold her just so over a bowl. And I catch about 50% of the pees. We use cloth diapers for back up, and she just will not stand a wet nappy on her skin. She will yell for a dry bum, NOWWWWW.

So I really think you can start communicating now (especially if he is signing so well!") and wean him off of diapers. I would say avoid carrot and stick methods of training, and go for learning his cues and lots of offering and talking about it...also this song:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGeit...eature=related is excellent for starting the conversation.

[sapphire_chan]

I don't know about proof of shaming, but the old way of eZarly potty Training couldn't have been very gentle, look at the potty chairs with straps to hold kids down and ads for laxatives that mention being a better choice than spanking.

anyway, it's warm now so put him in a long shirt and let him play nekkie tush. Won't hurt your yard, will save a diaper or 2 each day and it'll give you lots of chances to communicate about how he's peeing and such.

take him to the bathroom with you, pretend to have stuffed toys use the potty, put books and toys near the potty (lina loves to color and pee, )

generally make it normal and fun and set him up for going for it as soon as he's ready. Your goal right now should be that he knows what a potty is for

[AKA_PI]

Thanks all for your advice. At this point I'm going to stick with what I've been doing and let him tell me when he's ready. He's a smart kid and loves to do things on his own time. I won't push him but I definitely will keep pushing to make it fun.

[MissE]

We were in the same DDC and I actually remember your little man's birth announcement. Crazy that they are 19 mo already. Where has the time gone?

As for the talking I agree with the previous posters. He'll come around. My DS (now 3) didn't really say any word at 19 mo, he'd just grunt and point while DD (she's 19mo as well) is very verbal but she answers every question with a big 'nooooo'. So I just keep asking her and eventually just offer her what I think it is that she wants.

Pottylearning...I think time and readiness is the key. I grew up in East Germany where daycare wouldn't take you unless you were pottytrained by 12months. My mom wouldn't leave the house for weeks at a time to pt me because she wanted to put me in daycare to go back to work.

DS just did it by himself by 27 months. He - still then - wasn't overly verbal, he didn't say peepee or poo poo until later on but he did go potty after all. We had hardly any accidents and I was surprised how easy it was. DD tells me poo poo but then won't go. She has a great time sitting on the potty though and just pretent to be peeing.

Good luck. Give him time, he's still so small.

[funkymum]

Originally Posted by hakeber

...also this song:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGeit...eature=related is excellent for starting the conversation.

Ha- cute song! I almost peed my pants when I gave that a listen.