overnight guests and high needs baby

[maptome]

I've been having a problem with my in-laws staying the night when they visit. They disagree with a lot of AP ideas. My baby needs it to be dark and quiet in order to sleep. They intentionally are loud and tell me to remove the blackout curtains to teach DD to sleep with noise and light. When they stayed over for Thanksgiving, DD only slept 3 hours at night because they were constantly opening and closing doors, flushing the toilet, turning on the hall light. The problem is that my parents are great about staying the night and really supportive of our parenting style.

Basically, my in-laws rarely visit and my parents visit all of the time and it's creating a tension that I don't know how to deal with. Also, in-laws are too cheap to pay for a hotel. DH feels the same way as me and doesn't know what to do either. Any ideas on how to deal with the situation?

[woodchick]

Can you and your husband pay for the hotel room for his parents?

[maptome]

Originally Posted by woodchick

Can you and your husband pay for the hotel room for his parents?

That's a good idea. We do have weird money issues with them, so I don't know how that would work out, but I'll definitely suggest it. Thanks for the response.

[plunky]

Originally Posted by Pearl H

DH feels the same way as me and doesn't know what to do either. Any ideas on how to deal with the situation?

Your DH should handle this, as they're his parents. Give them the option to stop disrupting the harmony in your house, or hit the road. I would absolutely not pay for their hotel room, but they could get one themselves if needed.

[eclipse]

I would tell them "Look, if you want to stay here, these are the rules. Otherwise, there's this great hotel a couple of miles away." And really, I'd nip the parenting advice thing in the bud right away. Tell them, as politely as you can, that if you want to know their opinion on how to handle a parenting issue, you'll ask them. Otherwise, their comments are doing more harm than good, and they need to stop.

[NEastMomma]

Oh boy, you're in a tough spot. Perhaps DH could be the "bad guy" and be the one to have a talk w/ them and/or encourage them to stay in a hotel (on you)?
Good luck!

[texaspeach]

uncomfortable as it may be, your dh needs to tell them to knock it off. if they get bent out of shape over it, that's their problem! if they want to continue to have a relationship with their grandchild, they'll quit being rude.

[maptome]

Originally Posted by texaspeach

uncomfortable as it may be, your dh needs to tell them to knock it off. if they get bent out of shape over it, that's their problem! if they want to continue to have a relationship with their grandchild, they'll quit being rude.

OP, here. Thing is, DH doesn't really care if they have a relationship with them. He's not really close with them. I'm the one that thinks it's important for baby. They actually are nice people. They just really think that we are making a big mistake by treating DD like a "princess." I always think, "I don't want my daughter to grow up distant like her dad is with you!"

[JayJay]

Oh wow, I'd be pretty forthcoming. I mean, it's your house...!!! It's YOUR house mama! I need dark and quiet to sleep too: I'd probably go completely insane if anyone came into my house and slammed doors and all of that - I'd walk out and snap at them in the middle of it! The very thought ticks me off!

So tell them - in whatever way you like - not to do it! I mean it's cut and dried to me - you obey the rules of the house you stay in, don't you? Would they obey the rules in a hotel or would they throw the television set out of the window just to create a nuisance? Well, there you go then. Just because you're related doesn't give them the right to stamp all over your way of life.

Amen.

[texaspeach]

Originally Posted by Pearl H

OP, here. Thing is, DH doesn't really care if they have a relationship with them. He's not really close with them. I'm the one that thinks it's important for baby. They actually are nice people. They just really think that we are making a big mistake by treating DD like a "princess." I always think, "I don't want my daughter to grow up distant like her dad is with you!"

in that case you tell them to cut it out. I mean come on! who intentionally wakes a sleeping baby? if they are being this disrespectful about this, what are they going to do when they find out you don't spank? if you're worried that they're going to get mad and not speak to you, if they do are they really the kind of people you want your dd to grow up around?

[hakeber]

Originally Posted by JayJay

Oh wow, I'd be pretty forthcoming. I mean, it's your house...!!! It's YOUR house mama! I need dark and quiet to sleep too: I'd probably go completely insane if anyone came into my house and slammed doors and all of that - I'd walk out and snap at them in the middle of it! The very thought ticks me off!

So tell them - in whatever way you like - not to do it! I mean it's cut and dried to me - you obey the rules of the house you stay in, don't you? Would they obey the rules in a hotel or would they throw the television set out of the window just to create a nuisance? Well, there you go then. Just because you're related doesn't give them the right to stamp all over your way of life.

Amen.

I had blackout shades for Benjamin at home until he was 2.5 and when we went to Scotland where in the summer the sun gets up at about 2 AM and won't set until 11:30...I taped black garbage bags over the windows in my son's room at the ILs house. They thought I was NUTS and that I was being silly...with the darkness he slept for up to FOURTEEN glorious hours. Without the blackout shades with the sun like that he slept for about three hours and took his anger out on everyone he came into contact with for the rest of the day.

I need darkness to sleep, and copious amounts of white noise to block out all the other noises, because silence just never really happens.

I would tell my in-laws that their opinions on the matter are not relevant. She needs darkness and quiet to sleep well, and it is far more important to the peace and sanity of everyone involved that SHE gets darkness and quiet for sleeping than it is for them to get to be loud and have all the lights on.

Shape up or ship out!

If they are too cheap to pay for a hotel, then they have to be gracious guests. Period!

[HadhratKhadija]

yeah, whats with some peoples obsession w forcing the baby to sleep during rock concerts. i just dont get it. none of us could sleep like that, why must a baby?

how about you tell them THE DOCTOR said she should sleep in quiet place w no lights. usually our parents' generation respect anything a doc says....?

[Kailey's mom]

Originally Posted by HadhratKhadija

yeah, whats with some peoples obsession w forcing the baby to sleep during rock concerts. i just dont get it. none of us could sleep like that, why must a baby?

how about you tell them THE DOCTOR said she should sleep in quiet place w no lights. usually our parents' generation respect anything a doc says....?

Yep, tell them the doctor suggested this. It does seem to work.

[THBVsMommy]

Originally Posted by HadhratKhadija

how about you tell them THE DOCTOR said she should sleep in quiet place w no lights. usually our parents' generation respect anything a doc says....?

Atleast up to the point of delaying solids

But, I agree. The doctor excuse may work.