How long for a toy time out?

[mommymonkey]

I have a young three year old who was throwing his trains. After 3 warnings along with trying to redirect I put everything on his train table in a bag and put it up. This is the first time I have had to do this. What is an appropriate amount of time to keep them up?

FWIW, the train throwing was part of a tantrum. He had a balloon from a party yesterday. He was putting it in his mouth like he was eating an apple. I took it away and explained why he shouldn't put it in his mouth and if he did that again I would throw away his balloon. Well, he put it in his mouth and I popped it and put it in the trash.

How long do the trains stay in the garage?

[khaoskat]

If I put a toy up like that it stays that way for a week. My children are almost 5 and almost 7 I do this with. Unfortunately when one does it, both end up getting punished for it.

At 3, I would say 3-4 days.

[Karrie42]

Toy time-out has been really effective around here for throwing/destroying toys!

For us, though, it works best to put the toys in time-out for only 15 minutes or so.

In my opinion, it's the experience of losing the toy and understanding the consequence of throwing that makes a difference, not the length of the time out. My thought is - how long to get the point across? For our little guy, 15 minutes is enough to get the point across. For a 4 or 5 year old, a few hours might be better.

The other benefit for a short toy time-out is that it gives the kiddo more chances to practice *not* throwing it, and for us to be able to talk about the consequence itself when it's still relevant and fresh in his mind. After I give a toy back to DS, we *briefly* talk about it. I say "okay, here is your toy back. why did the toy go in time-out?" He'll usually say something like "I mad, I throw it." In which I can reply "That's right. Blocks are not for throwing. I know...let's build a tower!", etc. Then we move on.

I'm interested to hear how this has worked for others!

- Karrie

[kiwiva]

I just do it briefly. I don't use it punitively, I guess it's not really time out. If DD (3 yo) cannot use a toy appropriately (throwing or whatever) I remove it from her and let her know that when she can use it appropriately she can have it back. I will give it right back and usually she doesn't then resume the behavior. If she does I remove it again and suggest (or make happen) another activity.

If it is a case of need to throw, I will give her something she can throw. If it is a case of out of control tantrum or whatever, usually just removing it breaks the attitude problem or whatever.

[GuildJenn]

At 3 it was just until the next tidy-up time for us. The first 3 minutes had the biggest impact.

However, I didn't do it all-or-nothing style. I gave ONE warning the first time, and then whichever train he threw ended up on top of the piano. If he threw the next one, no warning whatsoever - up. It was the immediate shock that made the connection. Offhand I'd say three warnings is a lot, and taking all the trains is a lot.

[MeepyCat]

Originally Posted by GuildJenn

At 3 it was just until the next tidy-up time for us. The first 3 minutes had the biggest impact.

However, I didn't do it all-or-nothing style. I gave ONE warning the first time, and then whichever train he threw ended up on top of the piano. If he threw the next one, no warning whatsoever - up. It was the immediate shock that made the connection. Offhand I'd say three warnings is a lot, and taking all the trains is a lot.

I agree with this, and it matches with my experience.

I've never done a toy timeout longer than five minutes. And we had one pretty intense week of toy timeouts a couple months ago, and haven't needed to repeat them since.

[SeekingJoy]

I tend to put it up until the next morning. At first I would give it back after a few minutes when DS had calmed down, but I realized usually if he couldn't control himself the first time, he wasn't likely to the second.

Now I warn/remind of the rules once, and then it goes away. The same is true for if DS and DD fight over a toy.