Bathtime Blues! Need ideas

[angelandmisha]

So I have a very sweet, generally cooperative 2 1/2yo ds. The problem I'm having is that he is refusing any attempts at bath or shower and I'm starting to feel like a bad mama for not giving him more frequent baths! So I need help: 1)how can I get him to cooperate with having a bath; and 2)how important do you think baths really are? (IOW, am I making too big a deal about it to myself?)

He used to take baths just great- I'd bathe him in the tub and he'd play with the water and some toys. Other times, and more frequently than a bath, I'd bring him in the shower with me and he seemed to really enjoy that. I guess about 6 months ago or so he started being more and more resistant to any sort of bath or shower. Nothing happened that I'm aware of to cause any fear or pain, so I don't get where this is coming from. He did say that the water had been too hot, so that's when showers mostly stopped and he sat in a fairly cool bath. But now, he won't do that.

I've tried new bath toys- bath crayons for the tub wall, special waterproof bath books, a new Lightning McQueen bath tub mat, bubble bath, fizzy tub colors, etc. All of which he likes, but hasn't enticed him into the tub.

I tried putting a little water in the tub, adding bubble bath, letting him stand on the outside and play while I quickly and gently try to use one of those presoaped washcloths and a tiny pitcher to bathe/rinse him off. That was acceptable for a few times, but he's resisting that now as well. He will let me wipe him off with baby wipes or maybe a washcloth, but yesterday it was such a struggle that I'd like to find a solution.

I'm hesitant to push too much about it because I don't feel like it's safe to do so- he starts screaming and crying and you know that sort of jumping around fit, so I'm actually concerned that he could get hurt. He seems to just freak out if I push much about bathing. I also am concerned with trying to respect his body and so I don't want to remove clothes unwillingly- it seems to really bother him.

So what can I do??? I hardly ever get to wash his hair anymore. He doesn't get that dirty, but I feel like it would be nice for him to be cleaner more frequently, yk? Is that just my deal and I shouldn't worry about it so much or what? Any help? Any btdt advice? I'm guessing it's a phase that will pass, but when? I was hopeful when I saw the Mothering article about a kid who refused baths, but the solution was a kiddie pool outside for the time it took the phase to pass- not real workable until it gets warmer.

Help!! Thank you!

[fritz]

I was going to suggest doing sponge baths, but I see you've already tried that. Definitely try going an extra day in between baths for now.

My almost 5yo DS gets a bath once a week. He always stands up (on a non-slip mat). He refuses to sit down, and for the past six months or so, he won't even squat down to play with the bubbles/toys (he'll just bend over at the waist). So is it an option for your son to stand up in ankle deep water?

My DS likes to remove his clothes himself, get in the tub, play for maybe 20 minutes, then he tells me when he's done, and I basically give him a quick sponge bath with a wrung out wash cloth. I wrap him in a towel, he steps out of the tub, I dry him off and put lotion on him, then we get him dressed.

He's always enjoyed the baths once he's in the tub, but for a while my DS was fighting getting into the tub. Part of it was testing limits, part of it was that he wanted to feel like he had more control over when bathtime was. I started to let him determine at what point during the day he'd get his bath, but I'd insist on a particular day.

[sparkysgirl]

we found that being very silly helped a lot. At one point she actually would freak if we put her in and she was begining to stink. I did put her in screaming one night while daddy was in the tub, and he went under the water, came up and spit water all over the bathroom. I laughed and made a big deal about how silly daddy was and her tears quickly turned to laughter too. That was the end of the bath strike. she was 2 1/2 at the time. Now when she says she doesn't want to take a bath (which is a part of our nightly bedtime ritual) we ask her if she is stinky. I smell her feet then make a big deal about how stinky they are and get very very silly, then she wants me to smell her hair, again I make a big dramatic production saying pee eww you are stinky. after she is done letting me smell her, we say well we should wash you off. she agrees and heads straight for the tub. Anyway, maybe this exact example might not work for you, but something similar. Be silly, be playful in some way. Toddlers really appreciate that.

[pianojazzgirl]

My ds is 2.5 as well and for the past 3-4 months it's been difficult getting him in the bath. Luckily he has an older sibling who loves taking baths so sometimes seeing her have fun is enough to make him want to get in. I remember when dd went on the occasional bath strike it would often work if I went in with her (not sure if you've tried that - I know you mentioned showering together).

What about making it some kind of novelty - like putting a rubbermaid tub (or equivalent) in the bathtub and letting him take a bath in that (might be funny or unusual enough that he'd want to give it a try).

Another idea: what about going swimming at the local indoor pool every once in a while?

Besides that, I get you in your concern to make sure he gets cleaned at least once in a while. When my ds was really fighting it and it had been a couple of weeks with nothing better than hand and face washing (and bum cleaning at diaper changes of course) it started to really bug me. But I think as long as he's not actually stinky, or getting a rash from unwashed food or dirt then you're ok to let it go.

And remember: this too shall pass!

ETA another idea: try playing "bath time" with him by bathing (in the tub, sink or sponge-bathing) a doll or plastic animals or whatever. Don't know if it would work to get him more interested in baths but it's worth a try!

ETA again... And if you try a few things and it doesn't work I would probably just let it go completely, even sponge baths (unless it becomes a health concern) for a little while. If it reaches the point where it becomes a power struggle then you probably need to back off and let the situation diffuse before trying again.

Good luck!

[angelandmisha]

Thanks for the replies. We have tried standing up in the tub, which he did a few times just great, then wanted nothing to do with actually getting in the tub. And yes, we go more than a few days without trying a bath. I never tried to bathe him everyday and as he got interested in the shower, I'd offer and he could come in or not. At this point, I'd be happy if I could get him a good bath once a week. He doesn't really seem to get stinky and he's not one to want to get dirty outside or real messy anyway, so that's great. I have been successful enough I guess with using wipes to clean him off.

I have not tried being super silly, I'm not great at that, but daddy is and that might work, so we'll try that. I'll also try giving dolls a bath- he might like that.

I'm very happy and relieved to hear I'm not the only one whose kid doesn't get a daily (or even very regular) bath! All these books and stuff you read makes it out like everybody bathes their kid everyday and the kids just love it. I'm sure lots do and he probably will again, but I'm glad in not the only one!

I talked to him about it today and he said that it was too slippery and that he didn't like the water getting in his eyes and ears. Oh, and you'll love this, he also said the shower was too dirty! It's not, it could be cleaner, but it's not bad at all- anyway I told him I'd clean it! So now to figure out how to make it not so slippery- I tried to get a tub mat today but he said, "put back" so didn't bring that home! He's too funny. Well, I feel better and I'm going to keep trying without pushing. Something will work, right?!

[nd_deadhead]

How about swim shoes? Let him bathe with some clothes on - cotton shorts or a swimsuit?

And I think once a week is plenty, especially this time of year. If you cut his hair real short, it's easier to wash, and doesn't need it very often.

[lisavark]

My daughter's younger, and she used to hate baths but is okay with them now, but she can't stand to have her hair washed. I just started doing it in the kitchen sink instead of in the bath, and it works great. She doesn't have to lie back in the bath that way, and it's easy to keep her eyes and face dry because I use the little sprayer thing to just wet her hair. We make a big production out of putting a towel on the counter, and she gets to lie on the counter (which is normally off-limits, obviously), so I think that's part of the appeal. Anyway, she loves it now.

[jtbuko]

If you are comfortable with co-bathing at that age you could just try getting into the tub yourself midday while the kids are playing nearby. Whenever I do that my 4yo wants to get in as soon as she notices.

Also, if the hair washing is the issue, maybe you could you bathe him, but skip the hair washing.

[jrabbit]

One Word: Shower

I'm an infrequent bather, and I actually think it's bad for the skin to bathe so often. Add in the difficulties of bathing a reluctant child - and the result was "forget it." I would bathe with them when they were babies - 1-2 times a week - then progress to shower together. Now, they mostly self-regulate (10 & 6). If there is an event where I really want clean hair, I might shower with them to make sure it happens, but otherwise, baths are reserved for FUN. An occasional bubble bath but never a daily ordeal.

--janis