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In Like a Lion, Out Like a Lamb? *~*'~* March Dating Thread *~*'~* - Page 4

post #61 of 92
*ponders* How do you find the place between being lonely alone and the love of being on your own?

I don't really WANT a man in my life...well, not in my home. I'm selfish. I don't want to compromise. I want to live the way I want to live. It would be great if I could find someone that wanted the life I do...but there aren't many outlayers this far out.

I've finally started kicking at that fence around my heart, though. It's been about 4 1/2 years since I've had a relationship...a date...anything. (6.5 since the divorce) You know, I really like my life and my family. I'm not ready to let someone into those yet, but I think I'm ready to let someone into my heart a little...

I'm a big tomboy and have loads of old guy friends. A lot of them are married, but a lot are single. I've never really dated strangers. Friendship has always been the foundation of attraction for me. Of my single guy friends...there are actually a couple where mutual attraction lays. I took that big first leap and made it clear to one (we'll call him Chuckles) that I am honest to goodness interested in him. He lives about an hour away. (only my married friends live close by. what's with that? lol) There is a date in the works, but we have to coordinate our very conflicting schedules before it can take place. It's looking like mid-April, atm.

man...I think the only clothes I own are beat up old jeans and teeshirts. I should at least wear *not beat up* clothes for a date, even if it's still jeans! Make up doesn't go bad, right? I think I still have some of that somewhere.....oh ya, now I remember why I don't date!
post #62 of 92
Incorrigible, I'm so excited for you!! I know exactly what you mean. I'm really liking my life without ex right now and am nowhere near ready to let someone in my life (into my home, to mingle with my daughter, our day to day, etc.). I'm trying to live my dream and I highly doubt there's someone out there who would find this to their liking. I do miss having another adult around, though. And who doesn't miss the intimacy (lol, I'm revirginizing here!!).

Have you seen the movie Anotnia's Line?

I hope you and your friend are able to come up with a good time to see each other soon. Make-up and earrings......lol.....I only ever use those on dates. Shoes, a nice top and jeans should be fine. Good luck Mama!!! It takes a whole lot to get back out there!!
post #63 of 92
LorenaAZ- I haven't seen Anotnia's Line, but I just googled it and now I'm on the hunt for a copy! lol It sounds right up my alley. Here's one for you, though. I've been listening to this over and over lately. It's like I found a reflection of a little piece of my soul in it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcXPxkZXxtI
post #64 of 92
I go back and forth between wanting someone around and not. I love my life, and I have everything I need, and I don't want to have to bother with taking someone else into consideration. I love that this is my home, me and my girls, we can do what we want. I love that I have no man to clean up after, pass anything by, etc etc. It's wonderful!! I am so fulfilled by my work and my hobbies and feel independent.

And yet it's great feeling close to someone. Cuddles, and hugs, and just being able to hold their hand idly because they're there. Someone to talk to, bounce ideas off it, vent frustrations, laugh and make jokes, talk about silly things, eat good food with, steal away with for a while when you should be working just to walk on the beach, someone just to experience and share things with.

So maybe that's why I'm here in this situation. Because I feel like I've got it both right now, and it's pretty darned swell.

Butterflymom
.. so glad so much is happening with your business and all that you're doing, so excited for you!

Eaglevoice
, I think that sounds awesome. Where adults can act mature about such things? Awesome!
post #65 of 92
The landlord is definetly out because hes a smoker.

Anyways, today I heard bells from the ice cream truck and I was like going hmmmmm I hear it so I am going to find it .

A decent looking guy was there who dressed casually didn't really look too young but I'm wondering if he's more closer to my age .

So I'm hoping that he will be allowed to deliver ice cream in apartment areas .

I thought he was a pretty nice guy .
post #66 of 92
momanderson Oooh! I'm excited for you!!! He sounds like a great guy! I am experiencing all of those fun, exciting feelings with the Panamanian, too. It's like being in high school again!! Giddy, silly, warm and fuzzy! So fun! Enjoy it! You deserve it!

incorrigible It's a very strange experience...dusting off the earrings and digging up the cute shoes from the back of the closet. I've slowly comprised a wardrobe that I consider date worthy. A nice fitting pair of jeans, some cute ballet flats and a couple of nice tops and you are good to go.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mumblemama View Post
And yet it's great feeling close to someone. Cuddles, and hugs, and just being able to hold their hand idly because they're there. Someone to talk to, bounce ideas off it, vent frustrations, laugh and make jokes, talk about silly things, eat good food with, steal away with for a while when you should be working just to walk on the beach, someone just to experience and share things with.
Exactly! I'm such a sucker for romance!
post #67 of 92
I am back here for good.
STBX left three years ago, we were apart for 8 months, gave it one last kick at the can....killed the can ended up having baby #4....
It's now officially over, I am in a good space.

Approaching the dating world....big sigh!
And have two dates with two friends in April!
I wasn't going to date until I was ready, and well the only way to know is to do it.
*sadly dates not with the dude I am infactuated with, but I need to learn to date without the fantasy, just learn to get to know someone again.
post #68 of 92
Incorrigible, I love that song! Thanks for sharing! I think Netflix has Antonia's Line. It is one of my all time favorite movies.

Thursday night went well. But we decided to ditch the improv-dates and make plans for next time. He suggested dinner, and I don't eat dinner. I suggested the movies, we went, and everything playing was terrible. He doesn't drink, so no bars. Bowling alley was closed. No bands playing. No karaoke. lol I had forgotten how little there is to do in this place if you are not a drunken college student.

We ended up driving up to a look-out spot and talking while we watched the city lights. We have so much fun talking; lots of laughter and effortless communication. lol Then the clock struck 8:30pm, and we both started crashing (we both have early bed times and very early mornings). We went to the park and sat on the swings for a few minutes (it was cold) and he brought up going out again this weekend. The going home part was very awkward. I could tell he wanted to kiss me, but we were in my car and there was just no way to do it unless he stretched 4 feet to the driver's side. We said good bye more times than I can remember, and then the other person would say something and we'd start chatting again, repeat. I finally got home at 9:30pm and went out like a light.

I've come to the conclusion that I don't want a serious relationship with him. There are some things that he does, that are a part of who he is, which I do not want to live with and am unwilling to compromise. That leaves me wondering why I keep accepting his invitations, and it is because I truly enjoy his company. I guess I just want a platonic relationship with him. Should I come out and say this right away? Or should I just keep going out with him and let him figure it out? I feel like I'm always avoiding anything that I might interpret as him trying to get close to me. And I really don't want to hurt him.

He invited me to go on a hike this Sunday with my little one. I'm excited, but feel weird about the state of limbo we are in (between friends and possibly something more). Advice?
post #69 of 92
Thread Starter 
I would say it right away, that you only want a platonic friendship. He'll appreciate that vs. the alternative, even if he doesn't seem to.

I had a date that ended yesterday, in Amsterdam. Fun city, that! The red light district was un-ma-frikin-believable. I had to see it with my own eyes. And the coffee shops. Wow. The guy was fine. Cool california dude. We got as far as kissing and he really needs to be schooled on how to kiss better. Mouth open too wide, teeth in way. Sheesh. I can try to help him learn. Should I be direct and say, "let me show you how I love to kiss, now do what I do..." ?

We have tentative plans to meet for a few days trip to Japan, with some of his friends, in about a week. I really hope they materialize, I've always wanted to see Japan.
post #70 of 92
I have a daaaate! I have a daaate!

Ran into Chuckles online tonight, and he actually ditched out on going out w his (our?) buddies so he could stay online and chat w me. He has Friday off, and is going to drive up here to take me out. Ds has a dr.'s apt in the morning, so we're going hiking in the afternoon. Then to dinner. Hiking. That means I totally get away with jeans and a teeshirt, right? Maybe earrings...but sneakers or hiking boots. I don't even have to wear girl shoes...awesome! (and it was totally his idea, too!)

AZ- I'd tell him right away...especially before he starts hanging out w the kids. You don't want the wrong expectations floating around in anyone's heads when the kids are involved, you know? If he's a decent guy, he'll be cool w it...if he's not, be glad you figured it out sooner rather than later!!!

Butterfly- heh...btdt w the kissing. I had one kiss me so hard once (and not in a good way) that my mouth was all bruised up! For days! He was so embarrassed, I guess, that I never got a chance to teach him better. Oh well...on the other hand, my last relationship was totally the opposite. The first kiss was...well, I really liked him, so I could get past that, right? lol But, I didn't even have to say anything. He was a FAST learner, and by about the 3rd kiss, he could totally sweep me off my feet! Someone that attentive to me and my needs is a keeper for sure!!! lol
post #71 of 92
not sure I am ready to date.

Finally got up enough nerve to call the guy I have a date with April 25th.
We email frequently but have different scheduals, he's still at work when I commute home, so really email, IM, text has been easier....(dating site)
I "met him" three years ago the first time ex left....

He was helping a friend through her crisis on the phone, and emailed me that, so I waited 3 HOURS after to call him!
Then called him.
Voicemail.
He sent me an email message he's still talking to her.
great friend; absolutely.
but it sends off a big red flag he has boundary and time managment issues.
(it is now 5:20 that's now over five hours on the phone? atleast take the poor girl for coffee....)

(Or he's lying and with his mom, some chick, etc.)
Either way, he's probably a "really nice guy" but...
I am not sure I am that interested anymore....

The other dude I found out still likes to hang out with his ex.
on weekends.

The only thing I am saying is the two dates may have just turned into zero.
Which is probably for the best as I am obviously not ready to date (not for those reasons but other stuff)

I hate the fact this divorce has stripped me of a partner and given me so many hurts its hard to really jump back in that saddle, or get excited about the rollercoaster.

Sinking I'll be single forever feeling.
post #72 of 92
Shiloh - It does seem really annoying that he didn't contact you sooner. I hate the feeling of not really knowing what is going on and not knowing how to take everything. I say, give him the benefit of the doubt for now...keep your scheduled date. You'll know soon enough if he is someone you would want to consider seeing. As for the other dude that still likes to hang out with his ex...that's just strange. Do they have kids together? If they did that's one thing, because they could all be hanging out together, but just to go and hang out with your ex to just hang out...yeah, I don't get that.

Incorriglible - Hiking and dinner sounds like the coolest date ever!! Enjoy your time!!!!

Butterflymom - please share with me how you meet all these men who fly you all over the world

Lorena - You should tell him, get it over with now, so you don't have anymore awkward moments where you think he might want to kiss you and you try and figure out how to distract him from those thoughts...you know?

As for myself and the Panamanian...things are still going really well. My kids are staying with their dad this week, so I've had lots of free time. I've seen him every single day this week. I get a little concerned at times though, because he seems to be a bit of a workoholic. My STBX was the complete opposite...he hated to work hard. So, it's a strange thing to be with someone who pretty much works all day every day. He takes time out in the evenings or will have lunch and a walk on the beach with me during the day, but I'd guess he puts in 10-12 hours a day working. It's crazy. But he's working on starting a new business and he's working 2 jobs at once, so I guess it makes sense. He told me he want kids. It's so weird. Ask any of my friends and they would tell you that I have made it clear that I am 100% finished having children. I have my 2 amazing daughters and that makes me feel complete. But talking to him about it...I can see it. I can imagine having children with this man, if we were to stay together. It's so strange. To go from feeling completely done....not even thinking about the possibility of having another child...to all of the sudden imagining spending a life with this man and having his children. Weird...it's like he's brainwashing me!!!! In a good, amazing, beautiful way!!!!
post #73 of 92
I don't see the issue w/ hanging out with ex's. If you dated someone, aren't they worth being friends with? I still talk to almost all my ex's and hang out with some of them still.
post #74 of 92
I don't know...I guess because there is always something there between ex's...
post #75 of 92
I think its cool to hang out with your ex...
but I am not sure its comfortable if I am going to date someone who is still,
no kids...I have never been picked up by a dude with kids (at home)
maybe its my piss poor self esteem....
or jealous that stbxh and I will never be more than "frenemies"

He emailed me, somehting about being all talked out...
I was only calling to say Hi I had to study, we are talking 2-5 minutes...
I'll keep the date, but there will be no kissing

yeah something between ex's...like sex
post #76 of 92
Shiloh: Don't be too freaked out by dating and the game again. Im here for the second time now. First time was after I left abusive ex and kids father 2 years ago. Then amazingly met the love of my life on my first real date after that. Fell in love big time till he dumped me around 4 months back.
I am definately not ready for anything yet, but jumped right back on the horse. I too don't want to live my life alone - even if I have a good selfesteem, am happy with who I am and all that self-development stuff. But Dang - I dont WANT to be alone in the evening. I want a man to love!
So first date post-heartbreak the guy is really sweet and appearently crazy about me. We have been going out for a couple of months now and- well I don't know where we are going but dating hasn't been too bad. So good luck. Don't worry too much. It will work out somehow.

Situation here. Met Managers parents and siblings this weekend. Still enjoy his company. Still not sure it's enough. We talk all night (when not doing something else). Hi listens and comforts me when I cry over my ex (yeah - I did that -again- yesterday - I'm pathetic..) and is actually pretty certain of his own worth. He said he knows he risks getting hurt messing around with me, but that it is a calculated risk. I still don't know what the F*** I am doing. I really should back out before I drag more people through the mud, but can't seem to find the guts to do it. Also I actually really do like him an awful lot and enjoy his company.
Now to top all this off, I just got a mail from LL (lost love who broke up in november and has kept a VERY long radio silence) who suggests stopping by for a short visit to see the kids as he is passing through my town. I answer with a very short message that we are not home. That's it. He replies in chat with something like "thanks for writing. If you want I can stop by some other time. I am mailing some things you and the kids left at my place. Sorry I didn't do it sooner."

WHAT THE **** is going on? I didn't reply to his last message. Maybe I should just leave it all hanging in the air?
God my heart is still so freakin broken, I don't know how long this will take to fix. Manager is so patient and doing a great job at trying to help me put myself together again, but the whole situation is just - a mess.. Goodness..
post #77 of 92
well, joining you all. i joined an online dating service and have gotten severl knocks on the door, so to speak. but one person who isnt just looking for a hook up intreged me. we "talked" awhile and now are emailing.

how fast do you all meet in person in this kinda sitch? sooner or later? obviously in public. but at my regualr hangout or some place else?

thanks for any tips. bbl to read the rest of the thread...
post #78 of 92
iansmommy: Well I pick my prospects VERY carefull when communicating with someone from a dating site. So usually by the time I am writing with them regularly I already have a pretty good idea if they are somewhat decent people. But then I am pretty good at reading between the lines and I really trust my instinct a lot.
The guy I am seeing now I met on a dating site. We wrote and had long chats for about 3 weeks before meeting up in person. We met up in private but mainly because we didn't have other options at the time - other than wait even longer and we couldnt. Also at that time I already knew who he was and where he worked, and since he is in a pretty prominent position in public management I was pretty certain his intentions were good.
Ideally though I would say if you feel like it is a good guy then meet in a public place. If you feel nervous about him, then somewhere you don't usually come. If you feel at ease and relaxed about it then - well whereever. I wouldnt wait too long to meet up in real life. Real life can be a whole other thing than internet chatting and writing. Good luck and keep us updated.
post #79 of 92
Seie- I really feel for you. It sounds like even if you are not sure about the Manager, like you are open to what he has to offer you and he knows where you are at, so all you can do is go with it and see what time brings. It sounds like you are doing that. You are brave to date so soon after LL. I was seeing someone for a short while after YL(if you remember my situation was similar to yours. I met my young love(YL) and fell hard, and things were GREAT and then it all just fell to pieces), but didn't know how I felt about him, needed time he couldn't give me. I think IT wasn't there so it was fine when we broke up. I really am just posting a word of support to Seie, as I don't know where I'm at right now. All I've ever wanted was to find that big love we all dream about and it took me 30 years to find it and I lost it, so I'm feeling a bit lost and hopeless, but today is a good day so I'm gonna enjoy it. Oh-I put a profile on Plenty of Fish.com, but I just felt like that site was full of lazy guys who couldn't take the time to even make their online personality look good, lol. So I was just wondering about some recommendations for online sites. Which ones are good?
post #80 of 92
Seie...I'm sorry you are so heartbroken right now. Sounds like you need a big **HUG**.

Eaglevoice...I completely relate about meeting a man who suddenly makes you re-evaluate your pespective on more children/marriage. Very cool that Mr.Panamanian is the catalyst for such positive change!

incorrigible...how was your daaaaate? Inquiring minds want to know!

As for me, I have shut down the online profile I had on Match.com. I hadn't really been getting anything interesting from it anyhow, just a bunch of losers, so no big issue there. To be honest, I only went on one "date" before things started getting serious with Saxman, and it was a totally random lunch with a man who accosted me on the street. When we had lunch, he started telling me about his life; when I told him about mine, I got the distinct impression that he was running away mentally, because I'm not really "out of the woods" yet with regards to separation and custody. He, on the other hand, was a lot older--though he didn't look it, and didn't seem like he was at all interested in being involved with a single mother of a toddler. There were a few emails after the lunch, but aside from that, nothing, and to be honest, I was glad. It gave me some good perspective on where I stand and what I want.

As for Saxman, we're still seeing each other here and there, despite his super busy schedule. I had an appointment after work last week right in his neighborhood, and as soon as I mentioned wanting to see him, he hoped on the bus and came to meet me, just to see me for 10 minutes before my appointment. *sigh* It was awesome to see him like that (ok and the kissing was pretty amazing too).

So far, he's been over for dinner twice. Whenever things are tough with DD, he's always very solicitous, helpful and offers me backrubs afterwards. I keep asking him if he's ok with spending our time "in family mode" (i.e. with DD and with my folks) and he keeps responding that any time with me is fantastic. *sigh*

I sometimes have these moments when we're cuddling/kissing or just hanging out where I think to myself "Oh.My.God. I'm with Saxman. The guy I've been wanting for 10 years now. And here he is. Wow." Then I start to blush, which makes him happy and more romance ensues. *sigh*

Next week-end, I'm meeting his parents for Easter dinner. Aieee.
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