WICKED TMI sex question

[sosurreal09]

so im 5 months pp now and sex still hurts! DP is rather big...but i think they sewed me up to much? everytime we have sex i bleed from it stretching out the now scar tissue from where i tore giving birth...im left sore for days!
is this normal? is there anything i can do to help it?

also i noticed my urethra is getting pushed inside of me now when he trusts...then his penis rubs against it and this really hurts too..it never did that before and idk what to do about it...

any tips? we have only had sex maybe 5-6 times b/c its so painful

[annettemarie]

I'm going to move this over to Birth and Beyond since it's a post-birth question.

[goldingoddess]

First let me say I am so sorry this is happening to you. It sounds like the person who did the perineal stitching botched the job. This had happened to the midwife I used to work for with her first child, so she was always vigilant about doing perineal sutures absolutely perfectly. In her case, she waited until her next birth, tore again and then was stitched up correctly. You will probably need to get evaluated by an OB (maybe a CNM can do it, I'm not sure) to see what the next steps would be to get you back to a place where sex is enjoyable.

[sosurreal09]

that doesnt sound good. i mean she stitched it just like how it was before. the thing is my hieman (sp) was stretched but not torn before i gave birth so when she stitched me back up she stitched up my hieman too. thats what i think happened. but idk abou the whole urethra thing. do you think maybe the more sex i have the better it will be b/c it stretches out?

[Wittyone]

I would recommend lots of time, patience, foreplay and extra lube - part of the problem sounds like it could be coming from the hymenal stitch, which will eventually restretch. However, the pulling sensation could be from decreased lubrication, which is *very* common with breastfeeding and postpartum in general - it has little to do with your attraction for your partner and lots to do with hormones, feeling rushed/waiting for the baby to wake up, etc. Intercourse w/o adequate lubrication is painful and just doing it more won't help that. Certainly if you take these measures and there is no improvement by all means go in for an assessment - an OB or a women's health nurse practitioner would be my recs.

[Harmony08]

You could be really dry. That could be making it worse. If normal lube doesn't do the job ask your provider for lube with hormones in it. I hope it gets better.

[RedOakMomma]

I always have the problem of my hymen restretching after birth. It can hurt if sex gets too rowdy, or even bleed a tiny little bit. You need to take your time and be gentle, and yes...use lube! If it's still a problem and causing pain in a month or two, I'd ask your OB about getting some help having it fixed. I'd imagine it would involve a minor surgery? Probably with local anesthesia? Not at all sure, but (based on my own exam of what's going on down there) it seems like they could just cut and re-stitch if they needed to.

[sosurreal09]

we use astroglide thats what my midwife recommended. i cant imagine etting cut and stitched ahh lol we will really lube up and then if it doesnt get better i will go for an evaluation thanks guys!

[jecombs]

Just wanted to give you some hope. DTD was painful for me for about 10-11 mo. pp. It was all due to BFing, which not only decreased lubrication, but also made my vaginal tissue really brittle and thin (not good when you add some scar tissue into the mix). I had made an appt. to see a specialist and ended-up cancelling it because DD dropped a few nursing sessions and things improved dramatically in a short period of time. So don't give up yet, there's still hope that you will get back to normal on your own!

FWIW, I think the traditional "6 week" recovery time that is recommended from medical professionals is a joke. I spent that whole first year recovering and establishing a "new normal" for my family.

[bec28]

Hey, I don't have any advice, but wanted to let you know you aren't alone. I'm 4 months pp, and sex just hurts! I finally called and made an appt for Monday. Things feel like they are stretching down there, but I didn't get any stitches. So I don't know what's going on. We've tried using lots of lube, at least, I would think it'd be enough. I'm hoping I'll get some answers on Monday.

Good luck to you

[sosurreal09]

thanks for the support guys! bec you are sooooooo luky you didnt tare! thats weird you have the same issues too though. maybe its just a pp thing all together

[blessed.mommy]

I had a Cesarean with my first and OH MY GOODNESS did it ever hurt when we started dtd again! I asked about it at my 6 week check up and was told it was normal. I assume it's due things getting back to normal after dilating ect.

It took a few months for things to get back to normal and I didn't really get my libido back till almost a yr later! Yikes!

[sosurreal09]

well i have the feelings lol the act is just painful. we used a TON of lube last night and it still hurt i think it nees to be stretched but its not very stretchy being scar tissue...i dont wanna get snipped! lol

[lyterae]

Originally Posted by blessed.mommy

I had a Cesarean with my first and OH MY GOODNESS did it ever hurt when we started dtd again! I asked about it at my 6 week check up and was told it was normal. I assume it's due things getting back to normal after dilating ect.

It took a few months for things to get back to normal and I didn't really get my libido back till almost a yr later! Yikes!

I had a c-section (after labor/pushing) with my dd as well and was shocked to discover how different things felt in general and how painful sex was. I had assumed that because I had not had a vaginal birth that everything would be the same.

[porcelina]

Just wanted to add one thing, in addition to the you may be dry, or there may be some sort of issue with how you were sewn back together. One of my friends had a 4th degree tear, and had serious complications getting back to "normal." Among other things, her doc mentioned that there is some kind of gland(s?) that can get inflamed during breastfeeding that can also make the passageway through the vagina constricted. I also had pain during (attempted) intercourse for a long time. I thought something was sewn back wrong, but with time, everything went back to normal. It took a lot more than 5 months to be normal. To be honest, it did not become actually pleasurable again for about 18 months (and FYI I was still breastfeeding then too).

[sosurreal09]

uh oh lol well it doenst matter now b/c me and DP broke up...i'll have all the time i need to heal...

[amberskyfire]

I had the same problem after tearing with my birth. It took about 19 months before sex was comfortable again, but it still sometimes hurts a little and I can always feel the pulling where my scar is.

It's mostly because of dryness. If you are breastfeeding, that adds to it. The discomfort you are feeling is partly your body keeping you from getting pregnant again until your baby is older. It's a sort of natural form of birth control.

I wish I could say that I did some amazing thing that worked, but the only thing that helped us was time.

[zoebird]

yup, i would say that it is--in part--really common or "normal" to have pain during sex after birth. Dryness is probably the primary factor!

Lube and foreplay were my friends. it stopped hurting around 11 mo!