3 yo peeing on floor, refusing to use potty

[flatstanley72]

We have been working on helping our 3.5 yo DD learn to use the potty for a few weeks now. She seemed to be doing it fairly regularly, but has now decided that she just doesn't want to. She has been wearing underwear instead of diapers because she wouldn't use the potty at all when she was still in diapers. Now, she is just peeing on the floor and makes no effort to get to the potty. If she is naked, she just spreads her legs apart and pees on the floor. If she has underwear and pants on, she will take them off and stand there and pee on the floor. We have been having her help clean it up, but that doesn't seem to help. I don't know what else to do other than to go back to diapers and start over again with the potty learning when she is older and maybe more ready. Any thoughts?

[PikkuMyy]

I'm a nanny and a teacher and I think that she's quite old enough. However, it normally takes more than a couple of weeks for kids to get fully potty trained, whether young or older. Sure, some kids get it immediately and don't have accidents after a week or two but most take longer than that.

I would just schedule regular potty trips so that she has a chance to go frequently throughout the day and doesn't have to stop her activities to go when she feels it.

[flatstanley72]

Originally Posted by PikkuMyy

I would just schedule regular potty trips so that she has a chance to go frequently throughout the day and doesn't have to stop her activities to go when she feels it.

This makes sense. I do think she doesn't want to stop what she's doing to go. However, when I try to tell her it's time to go to the potty, it often turns into a power struggle. She always says no, she doesn't need to, and then I tell her let's try anyway, and she ends up running away from me screaming, so the only way to get her to go is to physically carry her to the potty. Any tips for helping scheduled potty trips go more smoothly?

[plantmama]

No advice, just, we are going through this with my 3.5 y/o ds.
He used the potty for a single day (with a candy bribe) and hasn't used it since in spite of underwear or nothing on. Scheduling regular potty breaks? There's just no way that's going to work. I'm not putting him back in pull ups but there's no way I can make someone with their own free will do something they are not willing to do. And he's not willing. Sorry, I'm cranky from cleaning up lots of pee and poop.
And we've tried this regularly since he was 2 only to have me break down and put him back in pull ups after a couple WEEKS because he won't do it, a single time!
I remind him or guide him or steer him towards the potty everytime I think he has to go (and lots in between). I offer help and I ashamed to say rewards. He refuses to try or says he doesn't have to and the next minute is peeing everywhere. This is one stubborn child Sigh!
Good luck to you!!

[hipumpkins]

If she's playing with a toy can you say, "Bring it with you, time to got to the bathroom"

[lucyem]

Maybe I am wrong but with mine I left pull ups on them until we were certain they would use the potty every time. I have boys and one was about 3 and the other about 4 when they stopped. But I am so not into dealing with pee on the floor or clothing. I was very matter of fact with them. No fights. I just said this is what you wear. We would read potty books and say good job when they used the potty. But other then that I ignored it and never forced the issue. My oldest decided on a long car trip that sitting in a wet pull up until we could stop was very uncomfortable. My youngest had a lot of transitions thrown at him from age 3 to 4 and in his case he finally said to me this fall at age 4 "how come so and so does not have a pull up?" I explained the friend used the potty all the time. Thats when he made the decision to use the potty every time too.

[sarahr]

I am so happy to read this thread. We tired potty training with my 3.5 yr old dd at Christmas time, but gave up after several weeks of her peeing on the floor/pooping in her underpants. She didn't seem to care or notice. We've put the effort on hold now because we just had a baby, but we need to have her using the potty by summer time, in order to go to camp.

I'm glad I'm not the only one with a potty resistant 3 year old!

And, yeah, scheduled potty breaks didn't work AT ALL.

[Rabbit8]

We had a rough time getting our girl potty trained too, at that same age.

With her, it turned out she didn't like the potty chair, she wanted to sit on the toilet like mommy. So we got one of those seat attachment things, a step stool and voila. Potty trained overnight. She liked peeing like a 'big girl' she told us.

[lizziebits]

My DS is just over 3 and recently potty trained. I still have to remind him to go lots of times, and he is the same way -- whenever you ask, it's "no, i don't have to go".

I find it helpful to tell him that he'll need to sit on the potty in two minutes. He seems to really like the little warning, and is much more compliant when I tell him its been two minutes.

Also, I give him a choice -- do you want to go by yourself, or do you want me to help you? Usually he chooses to go by himself, but occasionally he does want help.

[nina_yyc]

Our DD isn't the most consistent either. It's totally a power thing with her. We are really working on our relationship/behavior in general right now (arrival of DS has been a major road bump) to address the power struggle issues, but in the mean time I don't want to change diapers or have a dirty floor, so I send her to "check." I try to work "checks" in every hour and a half or so and schedule them before something she really wants to do, like have a snack or read a book, so I can tell her she can have X after a "check."

When I'm distracted and forget to send her, she usually gets wet. Poop must gross her out because that one hits the potty every time. And thank God for that!

[JuniperBCN]

This is more to give you hope than ideas... 3 3/4 DS just spontaneously started using the potty alone, with no reminder. He was doing just what you described your daughter doing and I was beginning to wonder if I'd be putting a clean diaper on him before he wen out on dates and the one day, after I had basically given up and stopped doing anything beyond asking "diaper or underwear?", voila!

[claras_mom]

Originally Posted by flatstanley72

We have been working on helping our 3.5 yo DD learn to use the potty for a few weeks now. She seemed to be doing it fairly regularly, but has now decided that she just doesn't want to. She has been wearing underwear instead of diapers because she wouldn't use the potty at all when she was still in diapers. Now, she is just peeing on the floor and makes no effort to get to the potty. If she is naked, she just spreads her legs apart and pees on the floor. If she has underwear and pants on, she will take them off and stand there and pee on the floor. We have been having her help clean it up, but that doesn't seem to help. I don't know what else to do other than to go back to diapers and start over again with the potty learning when she is older and maybe more ready. Any thoughts?

Don't turn it into a power struggle. If she can tell far enough in advance that she has to go that she removes her clothing, then it's not about physical readiness. You don't say what kind of potty you have--we used the ring insert--but you could ask her if she'd like something different than she has.

There's also the food color thing--if she pees in the potty she gets to put a few drops of food coloring in before she flushes.

I guess the best advice I could offer is to back off and not push the issue. Dd1 was a late bloomer. Again, it wasn't about physical readiness; she knew perfectly well when she was going to go. Once she made up her mind to do it--at somewhere between 3.5 and 4--then it happened quickly and painlessly. Pooping took a little longer. All the stuff I tried in the meantime--sticker charts, a reward system, food coloring in the toilet, etc.--was, in retrospect, really just for myself; I don't think it did much to hurry the process along.

ETA - on the checking. Dd wouldn't sit on the potty before we left the house if I asked her to, but if I did it myself and asked if she would too, then she would.

[sewaneecook]

DS1 is 3.5 and is finally getting the peeing/pooping in the potty. I feel for your struggles! What helped us was to have several small potties around the house so that he didn't have far to go. We kept them nearby for a couple weeks while DS ran around completely naked from the waist down (less laundry to do!). When he used the potty I made a HUGE deal out of it. We would do a dance, give a high-5, give a hug, call daddy, grandma, etc. whatever came to my mind at the time (food bribes didn't seem to make a difference). Whenever he's in underwear/pull-ups he'll pee because it's too much like a diaper, so he goes commando. He's been dry for about 1 1/2 weeks now and I'll try underwear in another month or so. It was a problem getting him from being naked to wearing pants, but throwing a potty party for him helped this (a tip from another mama on MDC). He got to pick the menu (pizza, cake, and ice cream) and invite a few friends after he was dry for a few days while wearing pants. The first couple days were tough, but he has done GREAT since then.

We keep a small potty in the car and have to pull in to parking lots regularly while running errands and let him go in the car in the potty.