Venting - Page 2

[Mirrormonkey]

I just don't get how anyone could think a tiny baby is being manipulative by crying or how you can stick a baby into a dark room and leave them to scream. Do these people also leave their babies to scream during the day until it is convenient to deal with them?

Yes until they are sttn it can be really rough, but this is what you sign up for when you decide to have children. I don't expect everyone to sleep with their babies, but at least have them in a bassinet in your room for the first 3 months. I couldn't imagine having to get out of bed and walk to another room every time my baby cried, I joke that I am too lazy to do anything but co-sleep!

And thank you Hakeber, I feel like I am doing the right thing having my babies in bed with me (Next vent will have to be another 'friend' who is disgusted that I nurse my kids for more than 6 weeks!). My ds1 is a happy and confident almost 4 year old, I would not change a thing in how we have raised him so far, I just hope ds2 turns out so well!

As for friends disagreeing with how we raise our children, that is such a hard one. I have always believed that everyone needs to do what is right for their families but where is the line? The friend I wrote about in my op lives very far and we haven't seen each other in over 10 years, we just chat once a month or so. My question is, how do you handle extreme parenting differences in close friends that you see regularly?

[Pookietooth]

I don't think even Ferber recommends CIO before 6 months. What kind of advice says to do it from birth? Where do they get these ideas? I feel really bad for those babies.
karika, sometimes people just decide to do what they want to do and nobody can stop them. I read Brooke Shields' book, and she did CIO agaist the protests of her own mother for goodness sakes.

[nj's_mom]

Originally Posted by Pookietooth

I don't think even Ferber recommends CIO before 6 months. What kind of advice says to do it from birth? Where do they get these ideas? I feel really bad for those babies.
karika, sometimes people just decide to do what they want to do and nobody can stop them. I read Brooke Shields' book, and she did CIO agaist the protests of her own mother for goodness sakes.

Ugh. My aunt did CIO with her son when he was just a few months old. She posted on FB, are you just supposed to let them cry forever like this?! When I posted some articles explaining why it can be detrimental (I thought it was a gentler article) she seemed upset. Tons of other moms posted in support saying it was best for the LO and for her marriage. I was the ONLY one who spoke against it at all.

Makes me sick. I have trouble even now when co sleeping with my 18 m/o she asks me to nurse for the 1978th time and I say No because my nipples are sore and she cries. I still feel awful and do everything I can to ease her distress, within reason. I can't imagine turning your back to a tiny infant.

[coffeegirl]

Originally Posted by Llyra

Is it even worth the chance, that baby might be thinking/feeling that way?

Maybe we can't know for sure. But we can look at the baby-- is there any other age of a person's life when we look at them screaming and crying in tones that sounds desperate and despairing, and refuse to believe that they might actually BE desperate and despairing? If my mother, or my husband, or my older child, was crying in desperation and despair, and I patted them gently and walked out of the room, leaving them in the dark, I'd be called heartless and cruel. What makes a baby any different?

You're talking in extremes here, which I don't think is entirely accurate. I don't know yet whether I'll use CIO to any extent or not. But from what I have read, the "desperation and despair" kind of cry is the kind of cry you would attend to. It's not the kind of crying or whimpering/fussing that CIO (as I understand it) usually entails. I've seen it with my nephew. Sometimes he just needs to fuss for a few minutes before he can relax and start dropping off to sleep.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Originally Posted by coffeegirl

You're talking in extremes here, which I don't think is entirely accurate. I don't know yet whether I'll use CIO to any extent or not. But from what I have read, the "desperation and despair" kind of cry is the kind of cry you would attend to. It's not the kind of crying or whimpering/fussing that CIO (as I understand it) usually entails. I've seen it with my nephew. Sometimes he just needs to fuss for a few minutes before he can relax and start dropping off to sleep.

I thought alot differently before I actually heard my own child let out a cry. It didnt matter what kind of cry it was. I just couldnt bring myself to force them to do it in a crib, in a dark room, by themselves. And I have never read an AP book or mainstream sleeping book a day in my life. This is just my mama instinct talking.

All Im saying is "extremes" might not make a bit of difference for you once its your child.

[hakeber]

Originally Posted by nj's_mom

Ugh. My aunt did CIO with her son when he was just a few months old. She posted on FB, are you just supposed to let them cry forever like this?! When I posted some articles explaining why it can be detrimental (I thought it was a gentler article) she seemed upset. Tons of other moms posted in support saying it was best for the LO and for her marriage. I was the ONLY one who spoke against it at all.

I had the EXACT same experience with my cousin...I was shocked.

Originally Posted by coffeegirl

You're talking in extremes here, which I don't think is entirely accurate. I don't know yet whether I'll use CIO to any extent or not. But from what I have read, the "desperation and despair" kind of cry is the kind of cry you would attend to. It's not the kind of crying or whimpering/fussing that CIO (as I understand it) usually entails. I've seen it with my nephew. Sometimes he just needs to fuss for a few minutes before he can relax and start dropping off to sleep.

But most new parents don't read enough on the subject, they just piece together bits here and there and the results are TERRIFYING, with people using CIO on days old babies, and merely plunking the baby in a crib and leaving them.

Here are some sites and quotes to help you see what I mean:

http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/revie..._babywise.html

Most of the Babywise advice on crying is inconsistent though. In one section they talk about that 'when your baby awakens, don't rush right in to him or her. Any crying will be temporary, lasting from five to forty-five minutes.' And in another place it says that 'there is no precise limitation for normal periods of crying.' These statements will lead some parents to think that they can let their babies cry indefinitely, or at least until they are due for another feeding.

http://www.momversation.com/episodes...not-cry-it-out

http://cryitoutrecovery.org/

Just look up leave my baby to cry on sites like babycenter, and you will see how many let their children do a lot more than merely fuss for upwards of twenty minutes or longer. Many advocates of teaching a baby to "self soothe" propose that leaving a baby indefinitely is fine. There are methods which seem cruel to me that I can agree to disagree with but the UA prohibits one arguing in favor if anyway, but the real danger in my mind is that these methods are not controllable. There are no "experts" in your home making sure the parents are doing it safely, answering the "right" cries or ensuring the baby's health. There are no clear guidelines.'

It's like if nutrtion experts suddenly advocated McDonalds cheeseburgers for children, some parents know not to touch them, some would know that they mean IN MODERATION they are not SOOOO bad now and then, but others would think that means they can give their kids McDonalds morning, noon and night, and that's fine!

It's just too dangerous in the hands of tired, desperate parents who are )( this close to throwing their children out the window some days. Parenting is hard as all get out and methods like these seems to not only give allowance for ignoring a baby's cries but actually make parents belive they are doing the best possible thing for their baby and in fact to answer their cries is WEAK and SELFISH on the part of the parent.