resources for parenting an asperger's child?

[Still_Learning]

DS, 5.5yo, was just diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. I'm overwhelmed with all the info and still trying to process everything.

I've always tried to parent him in a way that encouraged him to do things because they were the "right" thing to do and not because he would get some sort of material reward or bribe.

Seems like a lot of the techniques used for ASD kids revolved around a reward system (tokens for doing things so many time to receive a reward...)

The way I've been doign things hasn't really worked for DS, do I need to shift my entire parenting style and consider relying on a reward system. ugh, I feel sick even thinking about it. It somehow feels phoney to me, like training a dog. (please, don't be offended if that's how you parent, we all do things differently and I'm admitting that "positive parenting" hasn't been truly succesful for us)

So are there any good resources out there for parenting an asperger's child, one that jives with your parenting style?

[julianito]

Thanks for this question. I wonder the same myself as ABA type programs are supposed to be so effective, but I'm not been disciplined enough to do
them and it goes against what I had always felt was best for people, especially kids.

Naturalistic teaching approaches it seems encourage our ASD kids to think more flexibly than ABA. Approaches that seem more to me in line with positive parenting include Greenspan's Floortime, Anne Densmore's Narrative Play, and for discipline, All Children Flourishing which has the basic idea of ignoring or giving less energy toward misbehavior with high attention on what you want to see, and giving detailed expressive appreciations to your child.

Looking forward to seeing more replies....

Originally Posted by Still_Learning

DS, 5.5yo, was just diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. I'm overwhelmed with all the info and still trying to process everything.

I've always tried to parent him in a way that encouraged him to do things because they were the "right" thing to do and not because he would get some sort of material reward or bribe.

Seems like a lot of the techniques used for ASD kids revolved around a reward system (tokens for doing things so many time to receive a reward...)

The way I've been doign things hasn't really worked for DS, do I need to shift my entire parenting style and consider relying on a reward system. ugh, I feel sick even thinking about it. It somehow feels phoney to me, like training a dog. (please, don't be offended if that's how you parent, we all do things differently and I'm admitting that "positive parenting" hasn't been truly succesful for us)

So are there any good resources out there for parenting an asperger's child, one that jives with your parenting style?

[nayma]

hi. i hear completely what you're saying about feeling really hesitant about certain approaches for AS kids. i think, first of all, there is no one size fits all. i think ABA works beautifully for some kids and some families, but is not a good fit for my dd. i'm also still in the process of finding our right fit. i came into this process thinking i had good parenting instincts, but i'm really beginning to realize how differently my brian works from hers. we are different shapes, and she needs something different than what i've been giving her. anyway, have you ever looked into RDI? i'm currently looking into finding a consultant, and it seems so respectful, so family centered, so practical, so wise, and such a good approach for the long term for my dd. as i said, it's probably not the right fit for every kid, but you could look into it. there are more mamas here who do it, and they all have great things to say. these mamas also frequently reference "all children flourishing" (as the pp mentioned). good luck.

[Linda on the move]

I'm a big fan of whatever works. Kids with ASD are really different from each other. I don't buy into the idea that there is one technique that will just fix things. May be if you talk about what is specifically going on, we can help you brain storm solutions.

[earthmama4]

I have a thread where an Aspie mom just posted that a system based on rewards and consequences only fine-tunes manipulation skills...and I think she's absolutely right. I am not sure the alternative though.

One effective measure I have tried with some success is routine, structure, simplification, and lists. Identify the trouble spots of your day and implement a routine, make a list (use pictures for non-readers). For example, our afterschool list hangs on the closet and says
Welcome Home
Hang backpack
Hang coat
Take off shoes
Wash your hands
Get a snack

I am a very spontaneous, laid-back person, and I have had to FORCE myself to be a scheduled, predictable mother. That has been the most effective thing we have done. And in the end, I am happier because the kids are happier.

Oh, and the other effective strategy I have found was to talk less, be direct and concise with what I want them to do, why that wasn't ok. I can't talk their ear off about it (my weakness ).

My favorite ASD books by far are the ones by Chantal Sicile-Kira, "Autism Life Skills" and "Adolescents on the Autistic Spectrum". The second you won't need for a while but its excellent. She extensively uses quotes and excerpts from the writings/interviews of ASD adults in her books. I found the descriptions of what it is to be on the inside of an ASD so helpful in understanding my sons!

Our psychologist highly recommended the following site and materials based on the work of Michelle Garcia-Winner. http://www.socialthinking.com/ I really want the SuperFlex comics! I told my kids some stories already based on just what I read on the website about the "bad guys" and it was quite effective! Like the villain clown called "Wasfunnyonce" . We get the same jokes repeated over and over here, and one reference to that clown and they get the message.

If you scroll down to the bottom of the page, you will see sample pages you can click on, there is one with all the "villains". Look them over, I am sure you will recognize a few that have invaded your house! I'll try to link directly to the right page.

http://www.socialthinking.com/index....nufacturer_id=

Hang in there! I post a lot about my difficult Aspie oldest, but I have another Aspie who is a joy to parent! Aspergers can be a great strength!

[Kailey's mom]

Hey, I just wanted to chime in, and let you know that Aspergers doesn't have to be a "bad" diagnosis. We are different, yes. Knowing what to expect, including small details, and routine help. I think the anxiety of change, even one that seems insignificant, can bring upon unwanted behaviors, especially if a child isn't old enough to express his or her emotions effectivily. Speaking for myself, as a child, I would use whatever worked, even though I sometimes felt SO GUILTY, to get my emotional needs met or at least heard, in an attempt to be understood. I hope that makes sense? I think parents should read up on sensory overload. this happens to people with Aspergers regularly. This is when one will see the worst behaviors. This is when someone with aspergers is not able to even comprehend or think about how their behavior may be effecting somebody else, until it's over, and then we feel like utter crap, although that is not expressed typically, so it comes across as though there is no empathy, when infact it is the opposite, we feel too much empathy, the situation that was small, is huge to us, and we are overwhelmed with the responsibility of others emotions that the cycle of behavior starts again, or we go into shutdown mode. Sometimes all is needed is a tight hug, and reassurance that it is going to be okay, that "mommy will fix it" whatever "it" may be. ((hugs))

[Still_Learning]

Thank you so much everyone! Lots of great info! I'm happy to have some alternatives to look through, this should keep me busy for a while! (but of course, keep them coming!!)

[BookGoddess]

Originally Posted by julianito

Thanks for this question. I wonder the same myself as ABA type programs are supposed to be so effective, but I'm not been disciplined enough to do
them and it goes against what I had always felt was best for people, especially kids.

Naturalistic teaching approaches it seems encourage our ASD kids to think more flexibly than ABA. Approaches that seem more to me in line with positive parenting include Greenspan's Floortime, Anne Densmore's Narrative Play, and for discipline, All Children Flourishing which has the basic idea of ignoring or giving less energy toward misbehavior with high attention on what you want to see, and giving detailed expressive appreciations to your child.

Looking forward to seeing more replies....

I wouldn't say ABA is inflexible and other approaches are flexible. We've done ABA for nearly two years. It has been a godsend. Is it for everyone? Maybe not. But neither is Floortime, RDI or any of the other approaches right for all kids.
You have to do what works *for your particular child*. I know for my child ABA has been a blessing. The life we have now is so vastly improved compared to where we started. Oh and she was/is a high functioning verbal child when we started.

[joensally]

Originally Posted by earthmama4

Oh, and the other effective strategy I have found was to talk less, be direct and concise with what I want them to do, why that wasn't ok. I can't talk their ear off about it (my weakness ).

...

Our psychologist highly recommended the following site and materials based on the work of Michelle Garcia-Winner. http://www.socialthinking.com/ I really want the SuperFlex comics! I told my kids some stories already based on just what I read on the website about the "bad guys" and it was quite effective! Like the villain clown called "Wasfunnyonce" . We get the same jokes repeated over and over here, and one reference to that clown and they get the message.

If you scroll down to the bottom of the page, you will see sample pages you can click on, there is one with all the "villains". Look them over, I am sure you will recognize a few that have invaded your house! I'll try to link directly to the right page.

http://www.socialthinking.com/index....nufacturer_id=

Hang in there! I post a lot about my difficult Aspie oldest, but I have another Aspie who is a joy to parent! Aspergers can be a great strength!

Ditto your first paragraph! I'm also a communicator, and it's not always the most effective strategy to not get to the point.

We have Superflex - it's amazing and I highly recommend it. They're "Unthinkables," and the child uses their flexible thinking skills and strategies to defeat these problems (like stuck thinking, staying too long on a topic, hyperactivity etc etc). I think DS has fully defeated WasFunnyOnce, for which the whole household is thankful because a joke is usually funny once, maybe twice - not all afternoon!

The Oasis Book of Asperger's Syndrome (I've messed the full title up) is good.
Also:
http://books.google.ca/books?id=adPo...age&q=&f=false

[Magistra]

We use reward systems, but in a fairly limited manner. Right now we have only two going: one for potty training (to earn Legos, his current perseverative interest), one for trying new foods (monetary value, more room for manipulation here, but he's so reluctant to try foods that he's not getting all that much from us).

Otherwise, we try to use routines and very straightforward requests. We'll intersperse chores with playing to make them more palatable.

I like Jed Baker's "No More Meltdowns" for dealing with crisis behaviors. It also helps that I'm probably an Aspie and definitely have sensory issues, so I'm able to understand my son's perspective. (The flipside is that we also clash on some issues when we step on each other's triggers.)