Moms of only children (or with large spacing between), why... - Page 3

[journeymom]

Originally Posted by KaylaBeanie

...did you choose that? Was there a single moment that made you realize that you only wanted one kid/two kids with a large spacing between them?

We sort of stumbled into it.

Our kids are 4 year and 4 months apart. We weren't going to have any children.

Our first child was unplanned. It was a very difficult transition to motherhood (and adulthood) for me. I quit work and became a sahm when dd was 3 y.o. That's when I was finally out from under the stress of working and caring for our child.

And I could see how spoiled dd was getting (not in a good way). And I think I just wanted a second try at labor and delivery and the new baby time. I felt a lot more confident and wanted to try again.

So we got pregnant on purpose and had ds.

So they're spaced more than 4 years apart because that's when I felt like I could handle another, and wanted the family to be a little bigger.

Edited to add, I never felt 'baby lust' or 'baby fever' either. I enjoy holding my baby nieces and nephews. I enjoyed my babies. I'm wistful about how quickly they're growing up. Well, frankly I'm alarmed about that. But I don't want to go through that hell again!

Dh got a vasectomy with ds was about a year old. It was wonderful for our sex life.

[wholewheatchick]

This has been absolutely fascinating for me to read; thanks to all the posters!

DH and I don't have any kids yet but we have been "letting it happen when it happens" for a year now; I have some fertility issues. When I was in HS I wanted 7 kids; by the time I got to college I wanted 4. DH and I have been firm about 2 for a while, but I am seriously thinking that 1 might be good! We'll see how we feel when we get there, of course. DH is an only, and he loved it. I have a sister 26 mos. younger, and it was not good. That's prob. partly just b/c of our personalities, but I wish we were spaced further apart.

DH and I are both introverts. We don't like noise (DH wears construction ear muff when he vacuums!). I have been doing some intense "soul searching" lately and have discovered that I do want a career, and maybe I do want to work full time, but I do want to be a SAHM that first year of the baby's life, and, frankly, I'm not sure I'd want to do that twice.

Like I said, we'll see how it goes. But you've all given me a lot to think about.

[carfreemama]

Well, dd is 6 now and she was a planned only, born when I was 36.

And guess what? We are officially TTC. I am 42.

I really hope I'm not going to screw up dd's life, 'cause she loves being an only! She's receptive now to being a big sister, but life is definitely sweet.

It took us this long to decide to try again. And now the odds are against us, age-wise. I look at that and think, what if we can't get pregnant/have another now, what if we waited too long? Well, I wouldn't change anything. I wasn't prepared to force the issue with dh and frankly, I'm surprised we've reached this stage at all. It's been a good process and I'm still not entirely sure we AREN"T messing with a good thing. So now we wait and see. Our family is complete as is, so another baby is a "bonus," not a need. I think that's a good place to be. I sure hope I can maintain this perspective.

[labdogs42]

Originally Posted by shanniesue2

see, I've thought about this... but during the day he shows signs of sleep deprivation (like falling asleep in his carseat and such)... so I'm not entirely sure about just letting him go to bed whenever.

You could try it for a week. Just choose not to fight with him about goign to sleep and see what happens. If it doesn't work, then go back to the old routine. My son occasionally falls asleep in his carseat, too. Heck, I fall asleep in a moving car even if I'm not really tired! It is just an idea. I just thought it might be worth a try for you!

[shishkeberry]

I'm not much of a kid person...to be honest, I don't really like other people's children. After my DS was born I decided that one was enough. But then I split with his father and met my DF. This baby is a birth control "oops" baby and I wanted to abort at first, but he talked me into keeping the baby. I love my DF to pieces and I decided that I would give him this, a child that's biologically his. He loves my DS, but he wants one "of his own", kwim?

I'm happy with the spacing. My DS will be almost 6 when this LO is born and starting kindergarten this fall. My DF wants another one (especially if this one is a girl) but I think I might be able to talk him out of it. I really don't want another one. I don't have a lot of patience and I think more than two would be too much for me to handle, both for their needs and my own.

[bjorker]

I didn't read all the replies, but I too thought for a long while that we were just going to stop at one kid. For the same reasons mentioned-- I need a lot of down time, I'm a quiet person most of the time, etc. I did eventually change my mind, but not until dd was 4 and I felt like I could handle (and wanted) another. Before that, I had very little interest, it just hit me like a brick and I never looked back. Soooo... #2 should be here in ~3 months. I'm VERY glad I waited and was careful until I was ready.

Also, part of it is that dd clearly would benefit from having a sibling. She's EXTREMELY social and talkative and reaaaaaaaaaaaally dislikes being alone in any sense. I thinks she will love it, and that makes me happy too. If she had been more of a quiet, introverted type of kid, then I would have felt a lot better having just her. But she clearly would benefit by having a sibling, even with the 5.5 year age gap. I think I tried to deny that for a long while.

[puffingirl]

I am so grateful to have found this discussion. DH and I have been at war with each other about this issue (he really wants another and I do not) and I was beginning to feel like I was the only woman in the world that just didn't want another kid. I often feel like I get the message that something is wrong with me and DH always tries to make me justify why I'm just done. Honestly, I have tears of relief in my eyes to read about other women who feel the same way. I never even really wanted any children but had one after years of fighting about it with DH after he decided he really did (when we met and married I said I didn't want any and that was ok with him). I love DD. She is absolutely the apple of my eye. But I am done. I really hated being pregnant (had an awful pregnancy) and did not like the baby stage much at all. Toddlerhood has been a blast for me. But it's not just the pregnancy and babyhood stuff. I just don't want to parent another child. I want to be able to focus time on my work, my own interests and have a big need for my own time. Money is fine now but would become very stressful with another child. Having one is perfect for me. It breaks my heart that I don't enjoy my family more though because of the constant strain of arguing with DH about another.

[ann_of_loxley]

I never really wanted children. Our DS was an 'accident'. I love him of course - and when he was about 3 months old, I knew having just one (and 'only') wouldn't be enough for me either! Personally - I would love four children.

BUT - I like big spacings. There will be nearly 5 years between this one (thats due any day now! lol) and my son. It was semi-planned that way. Despite being broody when he was 3 months old, I knew that a small spacing was never for us.

Two will be enough for us - but if we ever had more than two, I would stick with the same spacings. Thats fine for me -but we are stopping at two as DH is 12 years older than I am and doesn't fancy fathering children in his late 40s/early 50s.

I too am an introvert and like my sanity! lmao

[velochic]

Originally Posted by ann_of_loxley

Thats fine for me -but we are stopping at two as DH is 12 years older than I am and doesn't fancy fathering children in his late 40s/early 50s.

I too am an introvert and like my sanity! lmao

Dd was born when dh was in his late 40's. He's 54 now. In addition to the energy young children take, there are also financial ramifications of having children so late in life. Dh doesn't want to be facing retirement at 65 and still have kids at home. As it is, dd will be going off to college the same year dh (a university professor) will be thinking about retiring.

I'm an introvert too. That is, I like my quiet time, which I have precious little of between dd's school, p/t work, and my mother living with us. More kids would drive me 'round the bend.

[MusicianDad]

We have children with a large space between them. It was the logical choice for us. DD was born when DH was 16 and I was 13 (and not in the picture). We didn't feel financially, or emotionally/psychologically ready for another child until DD was much older.