How do you find yourself when you are lost?

[bigteamug]

Ok, wacky thread title. I've had the worst bout of depression/anxiety ever. I've had mild depression off and on since I was a teen, and we had one of those off-the-charts-stress kind of years. I saw a therapist, for the few visits we can get from the EAP program, and am reluctant to do meds. I think things are gradually getting a bit better, as the situational stuff eases a tiny bit (I hope things stay eased - our "new" old house has given us one problem after another).

I just feel so lost in life. I'm having a hard time getting back to what I guess you could call "grounded and centered". How do I get there? I am so tired of being snippy, depressed and anxious. I am having a hard time getting stuff done around the house - it is a mess, every room, and I can't seem to get off my bum. Dh carries a lot of the load. I'm semi-functional.

I need to get back to some kind of normal. I just don't know how to do it.

[SoulCakes]

Oh, gosh. Big hugs to you... it sounds so hard.

I've been there, and it sucks. I think I spent two years in a near zombie state after my daughter was born... but there were a lot of external reasons for my depression. How to get back to normal? I don't know. In my experience, I just had to take it a day at a time. If I could have changed anything about that time of my life, I would forgive myself - I felt so much guilt at my lack of functionality, which made my depression so much worse.

You can try meds, if you're willing and able. Exercise can really, really help, even just a daily walk in the fresh air. Easier said than done when you can barely get out of bed/off the couch as it is, but if you can just get the ball rolling... that helps. I found that picking just one thing to do a day, starting small, say just picking the clothes up off the floor, would help me feel like I was at least doing something. It lifted my mood just a little bit.

But the most important thing is to just give yourself time. Rome wasn't built in a day, and rebuilding a sense of life - a sense of you - can't be done in a day, either. Go easy on yourself, find people who you really love and trust that can help support you emotionally, and look for things that you enjoy that you can spend time on.

Good luck. I wish the best for you, and hope you find yourself in a better place soon.

[newbiemama09]

i would agree with the PP, considering meds is sometimes the way to go. if you're not into meds, i hear accupuncture can make a WORLD of difference. exercise really can, too, but sometimes that can be really hard to make time for.

i would try and ask myself.... what USED to make me happy? when you were a child, a pre-teen, a teenager, what made you happy?? DO THAT.

most importantly, i don't think you'll ever get out of the funk if you don't make time for just yourself. get OUT of the house and spend sometime with just yourself.

[bigteamug]

Thanks for the advice, mamas.

I am really reluctant to try meds, esp with some of the recent studies - to sum them up, basically, unless you are severely depressed or chronically depressed, they are only slightly more effective than a placebo. The "slightly" is so small as to be statistically meaningless. All that and side effects, too - I know that they have helped a lot of people, I'm just not comfortable with that latest info. And I'm still working on weaning.

I've also tried acupuncture, and as someone who isn't fond of needles, I find that the benefits may be outweighed by my discomfort with the needles.

I'll try some exercise, and will try to do some yoga once the house is a bit more settled.

I do try to do stuff I used to enjoy - just harder to find time as a mama.

I think I will feel better when I can get some stuff done on the house and not have another big thing go wrong with it. Since my first post, we've found another leak. Start to wonder if there is a curse of some sort on it - "may the owners of this house know no peace" or some such. One stinkin' thing after another. May the person who sold it to us with so many undisclosed issues know no peace!

Sorry, had to get that last bit off my chest. I have my good days and my bad days, and well, I'm not sleeping now so tomorrow may not be so good. I did go ahead and schedule the last EAP visit - I was holding one in reserve. We'll see how it goes.

[Theia]

I'm sorry. I remember during my employed days the EAP was per issue. Is that still the case? Can you go again in a few weeks under a different issue? Sometimes just being creative about how you present issues can get you more counseling time. Just a thought.

I'm currently on meds, but I'm not mildly depressed or anxious, I'm in the severe category. But I was recently doing some reading on 5-HTP and it sounded like it might be helpful to me, but you can't take it and an AD med at the same time, so I'll stick with the med right now. But I just wanted to throw that out there as one possible avenue to investigate.

I wanted to add that self-care is very important. Even if it's only 30minutes every few days, it can make a big difference. Yes, you are a mom and you have many other demands upon you and your time. But you have to find some way to recharge yourself so that you will have something to give to all of the others who depend upon you. Taking care of yourself is really much more of a mandatory thing than we generally treat it.

[journeymom]

Oh golly, those EAP visits are just too few, aren't they? I used them when I was still employed. I've found that therapy only got really useful when the therapist had several visits just to get to know me really well. The first 3 or 4 visits with my current therapist I did almost all the talking! It was a little odd, actually! But it's an investment and it's really paying off. That's my experience, anyway.

You said I am really reluctant to try meds, esp with some of the recent studies - to sum them up, basically, unless you are severely depressed or chronically depressed, they are only slightly more effective than a placebo. Just want to point out that you start by saying, I've had the worst bout of depression/anxiety ever.

You don't mention old your child is, but you're still nursing, so your child is fairly young? I think a lot of moms of little ones don't realize how truly depressed they are until they get to the other side. Your situation IS going to get better, just by the fact that your child will get older, more independent, will sleep better through the night and you won't be sharing your body.

But ask the moms of older kids here, many of them will concur that the baby through preschool years are simply the hardest times of their lives. It certainly was true for me.

Antidepressants can be a very helpful short term remedy. Short term can also mean 3 or 4 years. If you choose to take medicine, it doesn't have to be for the rest of your life. (It might, but that's something to consider another time.)

I'm not pushing you to take medicine. But don't eliminate the solution because you think you aren't depressed enough.

[bigteamug]

Well, I just got back from the last of 8 visits that I can get (though I will look into more and see if they will let me). She basically told me I need to go on meds, and I will be looking into it. I have a call into the ARNP she recommends, who specializes in psychiatry. I've tried all the options I have energy/time for, so that's it.

My "littlest" (of 2) is 3 and just started preschool. We are down to once or twice a day and nap time for nursing, so more for comfort, but it is a hard time to cut it out completely with all the change and stress.

I would agree that things are hard until school starts, and with all the house problems, life has just been rotten. Really awful rotten. If meds make it easier to cope, then so be it.

Thanks mamas, hopefully something helps soon.

[zebra15]

As someone who has spent years, yes YEARS in therapy I can tell you, issues cant be solved with EAP sessions. Find out if your thearpist has a sliding scale or if they can refer you to someone who is affordable. Find out if your insurance has mental health coverage.

I've been with my current therapist for 2 years and I'm finally to a point in my life where things are manageable again. (I have a ton of issues). Don't give up. You can do this!

[bigteamug]

I think if you had a one-time hard thing in life that happened and was done, then EAP sessions could work just fine. That is probably what they were intended for, to give you the tools and an ear to help you through a rough patch. If you have major life issues, or a long, drawn-out mess, then, no, they won't cut it.

I'll be dealing with things with the new counselor, and probably getting meds, and will probably wean DD. I know that there are people who nurse while on depression meds, but she is 3, old enough to do ok without, and I also don't feel good about any affects that the meds could have on her brain, since they do go into the milk.

Gotta go - more house project stuff - DH will take the girls out while I continue to work. Ugh.

[adorabelle]

((HUGS)) That is such a sucky feeling. I know how you feel. I feel like I am someone totally different than I used to be. I think I used to be so much happier. It makes me sad.

[nd_deadhead]

bigteamug, I feel for you., and I'm sorry you're going through a rough time.

I just had a lengthy discussion with some friends about the study you mentioned. While I won't go so far as to say I don't beleive it, I don't believe it gives the whole picture. For example, it doesn't show that a placebo is as effective (for an individual) as ALL antidepressants. I can certainly believe that a placebo might be as effective (or ineffective) as one med, for an individual - but the problem is that no one AD is effective for everyone. I think we've all heard that it can take a long time to find the med that works.

I have two examples from my life. The first is my son, who's 15. He was hospitalized with a suicide plan about a year ago. The first AD he was put on didn't seem to have any effect at all. The next one was much better, and he improved noticably. 6 months later we increased his dose - and he made another huge leap. If the drug was no more effective than a placebo, we wouldn't have seen a difference between meds - and I don't think we would have seen such a huge change with a change in dose.

My other example is a friend of mine. She has suffered from depression most of her life, but controlled it pretty well with medication. She stopped taking it when she was pregnant, and gradually slipped further and further into a hole. She could barely get out of bed for almost a year. Finally she and her doctor found a med that worked for her - and she's got her life back. If the med was no more effective than a placebo, then any one of the meds she tried should have worked - or this last one would not have worked.

My son's therapist says that medication can get you to a point where therapy can actually work.

Our insurance covers mental health treatment - and every visit with the therapist (we saw her weekly) and the psychiatrist are considered followup visits, so there's not a co-pay for every visit.