Did I handle this issue with DD okay? Walking away in department store.

[gbailey]

DD is 22 months old. When we go out I carry her in the Ergo. Normally my shopping trips with her are in the stroller or if we take the bus or subway they are pretty quick (i.e. I'm going to one destination and then quickly returning home). Today we went out in the morning for a longer than usual excursion. When we got to the store, I took DD out of the Ergo. I've never done this unless my husband is with me. DD took my hand and we went to the book section she started to look through the books herself. It was really cute until she decided she was not only going to not hold my hand but she had no interest in walking with me or near me. I know this is normal toddler behavior but it left me a bit frazzled since I had a bunch of stuff in my hand. I put the stuff down and took DD's hand and redirected her in the direction I was going to. Ha! She had other plans. I tried talking to her and told her she can walk on her own but we have to hold hands. She shook her head no so I put her back in the Ergo.

Is there something I could have done to deal with this better or deal with it better in the future? The weather is warming up around here and it's fun to be out and about. We're always in stores when they first open so it's never too crowded but not empty either. My friend recommend one of those leash backpacks and no offense to any moms who use them but I don't like them one bit. Is there anything I can do other than keep her in the carrier when we're out?

[TopHat]

I have a 23 month old DD. She's a big fan of wandering off. At the grocery store, she'll start in the cart, but then decide to get out (I'm ok with that) and help me push the cart- and then she decides to walk off.

I've found that when I have the energy for it, sitting her on my shoulders works well. It's "new" and exciting for her and I can be (mostly) hands-free. Plus she likes to pay with my hair so she's kept busy for a little while.

Does she want you to chase her? play tag? I've found that indulging my DD a little for 5 minutes of "tag" I can get 20 minutes of non-tag afterwards. Obviously, you'd have to be considerate of the other shoppers. Maybe even going outside and playing by a bench for 5 minutes would help? If the store is in a mall, go play by the couches in the hallway.

Also, racing is nice too. Say you need to go over to the merchandise by the wall. "I'll race you to the wall!"

[eclipse]

Well, I know you said you don't like the leash concept, but it's less restricting than putting her back up on your back, isn't it? That's what I did with my oldest who didn't like to stay with me, or hold hands, or be in a stroller. I didn't have an ergo with him, but I doubt he would have been happy about being in one of those when he'd rather be walking around. If she didn't mind going back in the Ergo, then I don't think there's anything wrong with how you handled it. If she'd rather be walking and exploring with a little bit of freedom (but not so much that you have to chase her through the store), then a leash could make her happier.

[CozMama]

My daughter loves her doggie backpack "leash". We haven't used it in a good long while but did for a few months to get the idea of walking with us into her head. She still had to hold hands while wearing it most of the time but it certainly helped with the 14 month old escape artist. We, well "I", didn't walk her like a dog or try to reign her in with it because THAT is just not parenting nor teaching anything.

I have two little ones nearly 5 months apart so I also needed it to keep her safe while I put her brother in the car.

Even still when she doesn't want to cooperate I pick her up and carry her, put her back in a cart, stroller or in the Ergo (if my son isn't in it). If I have to spend way too much time herding her in the right direction I do the same.

[leighi123]

I dont see a problem with giving her a choice (walk close to me, or ride in the carrier).

Ds is good about staying with me, when he was younger I would just allow for more time and let him take his time to get though a store!

Those leash things just look silly to me, and weather you are holding your child's leash or their hand, if they dont want to go a certian direction, either you are going to have to convince them to go where they need to, or pick them up!

[Shami]

You did exactly what I would have done. This is the age where you are teaching her how to be with you in the store. So you give her a little freedom and some choices.

I can only carry my dd for a short time. Her choices are: walk near the cart, help push the cart, or ride in the cart. She has never liked holding hands. She has started holding onto the cart, as well.

If she can't do these things then she has to ride in the cart. No more choices. Usually she does fine.

A couple of times I made a nice bed for her in the cart with our winter coats and a bag of rice for a pillow. She loved it. She laid there eating her cheese and staring at all the people for at least twenty minutes.

You just have to show her the boundaries and stick to them. When she can't stay within the boundaries then she goes back in the ergo or cart. After a few trips like this, she'll catch on and the two of you will have lots of fun.

I've been doing this with mine since she was 1.5 yrs. old. By age 2, she was able to walk most of the time. I think it is great exercise for her to walk in the grocery store. She gets all her energy out. Now at almost 2.5 years, I have no problems letting her walk. In the grocery store, I have taught her to watch out for carts. When she gets to the end of the isle we stop and look both ways for carts. I have treated it like how to cross the street. I see it as an opportunity to teach her safety rules.

I taught her the one finger touch rule because it is nearly impossible to keep them from touching things. She can touch it gently with one finger. Also, I give her jobs. Can you hold this? Can you get that over there? Can you put this in the basket? Can you hold the bag while I put the apple in? Help me find the ketchup. Ketchup where are you? etc

[lifeguard]

I find the holding hand thing tricky. Yes, it's nice to have their little hand in yours - you know they are close & not going to suddenly take off but when I think about it from their perspective I would HATE it. Think about holding your hand over your head all. the. time. It's got to be terribly uncomfortable. I try to let ds just stay close to me - it sometimes doesn't go well & so far we've either left or put him in the cart or the ergo. But I am seriously considering one of those leashes (or a wrist tether) so that he can more comfortably walk while giving me the reassurance he can't get far all of a sudden.

[Cherry Alive]

Originally Posted by leighi123

Those leash things just look silly to me, and weather you are holding your child's leash or their hand, if they dont want to go a certian direction, either you are going to have to convince them to go where they need to, or pick them up!

As far as I know, the leashes aren't supposed to direct the child where to walk, but to limit where the child goes and give the parent something secure to hang onto if the child suddenly takes off. I like the idea of it, because little hands can be slippery. I also remember my mom accidentally yanking my arm out of the socket a couple times when I was a small child (I had loose joints).

We have a cute backpack/leash that's a monkey. I've been letting my DD play with it and wear it (the "tail"/tether comes off) so she's used to it.

[rightkindofme]

I do technically own a stroller but it's been used fewer than a dozen times in her whole life and only for walks around our neighborhood in the evening when I want to get some actual exercise. It's too big to use casually.

So, that said my daughter has been walking in stores since she could walk. I actually think that things go easier because we started long before the 'bolt' instinct kicked in. She is now starting to want to run and it is... frustrating. I'm four months pregnant and I just can't carry her all the time so she has to walk and she has to stay with me.

How I handle it is: leave LOTS of extra time to do any errand. If she needs to stop and sit down against a wall for a little bit of nursing/talking about why we have to stay close we do it. I try to combine these lectures with cuddling/nursing because I tend towards having a crappy tone of voice when I'm frustrated and doing the sweet stuff keeps me from snapping at her too often.

I've also practiced this a lot by going window shopping with her as a time-killing operation and we practice how to stay together and how to look at stuff without any pressure to get in and get out of the store. It really really helps.

Of course, we are approaching two so sometimes she's just not in the mood. Those days are rough. I think that there is no such thing a magic potion that will make those days go away. I keep trying to remind myself that I wanted a strong willed child.

[Trinitty]

We're big fans of DD's unicorn backpack/leash.

It isn't to direct her movements at all. It is to keep me from having a heart attack when she scampers out of sight. That happened once. Now, we are happily using the leash. I can't bear for her to disappear around a corner, even for a second. The tether lets me FEEL that she is on the move if I happen to be looking at something else.

With the tether/leash we can both look at our own things, books, food, etc, she has her hands FREE to explore, not stuck over her head for minutes on end and I don't have to stare at her every single second.

It is for peace of mind, not for direction... so it wouldn't have helped you in this situation at all. If your child doesn't want to walk, she doesn't want to walk and the only alternative is to carry her or stay where you are. Harnesses don't factor in.

In your situation I probably would have just waited until she was finished looking at the books. When we are out together though, we usually have the time.

Trin.

[summerforever1977]

I agree with the people who give choices. I give lots of choices from the moment we get out of the car; do you want to hold my hand while we walk to the sidewalk or shall I carry you? Do you want to walk or ride in the cart? Would you like to help mommy put items in the cart? Which apple/orange/etc. should we get (I help him pick out good fruits, or whatever and I think this is a good teaching opportunity)? If he wants to walk which is most of the time then I remind him he must stay by mommy and not touch anything. If he runs off I remind him that he must either stay with me or ride in the cart. If he continues to run off or is playing with items on the shelf (messing things up on the shelf) then I put him in the cart and strap him in (I always strap him in though). He will usually protest by crying and I simply remind him that he was not obeying mommy and let him know that it is not safe for him to run away from me and that it is not nice to mess up the shelves because other people have to clean up (although that's usually me!). After a few minutes if he still wants out of the cart I will let him know that he may get out if he stays by me and doesn't touch and if he disobeys then he is going right back in the cart. I give him three strikes of disobeying out of the cart before it is no longer an option and sadly I have had to endure (as well as the other shoppers) a crying fit while I get my shopping done. If it's something that can wait I will leave the store, but if I need those groceries than I just grin and try to bear it and distract him by offering snacks. He is 26 months old and doing better and better at stores all the time. I think it is just a matter of being consistent in your expectations and not expecting the child to simply sit still or walk without anything to do. My son loves helping shopping and putting items in the cart and we do a lot of talking about what we are buying so it's a good exercise. Sometimes, toddlers are toddlers though and they melt down so there's not much you can do to stop it completly.