stressed, custody papers

[voilamomma]

My ex is getting papers today. He lives in TX, I live in MS. He is controlling, and that is what led me to leave him. We have to sons (2 & 3). He thinks he should have 50/50 everything. Impossible when he is 4 hours away.

He has threatened me in so many ways, its unreal. He hasn't followed through, just talked trash over the phone. The papers are for custody, joint and physical, child support, etc. And there is also a restraining order until court which is April1st.

I'm just SO stressed about how he will react when he gets them. He will realize he no longer have control and back off, or will show up here and act crazy.

Has anyone else dealt with a crazy ex? I am about to break down literally! I need some reassurance and love!

[voilamomma]

I'm not sure if I posted this thread, so move it please if need be..

[voilamomma]

will someone please give me some advice? im STRESSING big time!

[Shellie]

I can only give you a virtual hug, because I haven't been through this. But I can imagine how anxiety-ridden I would be in the same situation. I hope it goes well and without too much fanfare!

[earthmama369]

I wish I had some advice, but I figure I can bump this at least so that someone with direct experience can chime in. I hope things go well for you.

[angel_miette]

Hang in there... This is the toughest part of it all, but once you are through it you will be relieved. I know I was scared and stressed when I left my little one's Dad. You just have to keep thinking to yourself that you are doing the best for your children and since they are so young they will adjust better than if they were older. If you think he may come and harm you when he receives the papers I would suggest going to friends or families for awhile so you are around other people. Stay safe. *hugs* You are stronger than you think and do not feel bad for getting help from anyone, remember it is all about the little ones and what is best for them.

Angel Miette

[lilyka]

I don't have anything terribly helpful to say except for thank goodness he is four hours away! Just breath deep and try not to worry too much about it. things will most likely settle down. if you feel like you need to go somewhere safe and have somewhere to go the I would go there. if nothing else you will be able to relax and will have someone near by who is able to help you be calm.

I hope everything goes well.

[Theia]

There are many women here who have left difficult marriages/partners. (I'm putting it nicely)

Do you have a safety plan? Like what would you do if he showed up where you live now? Or if you saw him at the grocery store, or..... Does he have your new address? Have you turned your RO into your local police department so that if he does show they will already have it on file? Do you have a safe place (friend, family, local DV shelter) to go if you see him or believe that he is doing more than threatening on the phone? Be sure that all of your windows are locked in your new home and the doors as well.

Be safe and stay strong in your decision. Also, if he calls and starts in on you, you can always say, "I'm sorry, but I will only discuss things with you that are related to the children at this time." If he continues you can hang up on him. I know it sounds easier said than done, but he doesn't get to control you any longer.

[Goodmom2008]

He's 4 hours away, he's not getting 50/50. What he will probably get is every other week-end and 2 2-week time periods in the summer. And when your kids get older, the summer time will increase.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Who moved away? If he moved, no way is he getting 50/50. I know your reasons for moving are valid - but if you moved it can be seen as a vindictive move to keep your children from their father, in which case who knows what a judge will say.

Definitely make sure you have a safety plan. AND - keep a copy of that RO on your person AT ALL TIMES. You'll need to be able to present it to the police in the event they are called (your local PD should already be aware of it, but dropping by and giving them a copy is a good idea anyway.)

BUT, most of the time, RO's do exactly what they should, and de-escalate bad situations.