Was it CIO? Help

[jimmer73]

My DS is 3.5 yrs old and started pre-school in September last year. He loved it and would ask every day if he was going to Pre-school that day. I would get him settled in and leave with a kiss and a goodbye without any problems.

Since January he has been crying for me to stay. I would make sure he was occupied and then leave, which worked well. But now he has become very insistent on my staying. I have never let him CIO, always been there for him as soon as he was distressed, we also co-sleep and EN.

My son has severe allergies and has a one to one support worker with him at all times. Last week we had a meeting, which DS was present at and they expressed their concerns that DS had become very attached to his support worker, to the point where he views her as a surrogate mother. So they planned on the support worker not playing so closely with DS. DS is very intelligent and would most probably have understood everything that was said. I told him later that the other children were sad because he wasn't playing with them and he seemed happy with the idea of playing with the other children.

I seem to be rambling as I am at a loss as to what to do. This afternoon he cried as soon as we went into the school, saying he had a cough and wanted to go home, he then went on to say he wanted me to stay. Which I did for an hour but as soon as I said I was going he screamed and cried. He cried a cry I have never heard before. He was so distressed. I waited in the cloakroom for the teachers to distract and calm him down, which he did after 5/ 10 mins.

The teachers have advised that there are 2 options I could take, either drop him off and just leave or stay for a while and slowly "wean" myself away from the school.

I am at odds as to what to do and how to handle this situation. Both options from the teachers sound horrid and goes against my feelings on CIO. Is it CIO? I am really concerned that my leaving him this afternoon in that state has damaged his trust in me.

Please help, what can I do to make this all better? Sorry this is very long.

[APToddlerMama]

Is his support worker still there or just the regular teachers? It would seem really unfair to me for them to take the support worker away like that. He is only 3! Couldn't she facilitate play in a way in which she was still present? I am assuming there are additional reasons he may have one on one support beyond food allergies, or no?

[kittykat2481]

I don't understand why it's a bad thing that he's so attached to his aide? I worked at a school before and had one little girl in particular who became so attached to me that she would cry when I left the room just like her mother. I loved that relationship I had with that little girl, and carried it on long after we had both left that school. I think that is a very special thing. She is there because for whatever reasons, he needs her. If he's having a tough time separating from you, then he needs her more than ever.

[Llyra]

Originally Posted by kittykat2481

I don't understand why it's a bad thing that he's so attached to his aide? I worked at a school before and had one little girl in particular who became so attached to me that she would cry when I left the room just like her mother. I loved that relationship I had with that little girl, and carried it on long after we had both left that school. I think that is a very special thing. She is there because for whatever reasons, he needs her. If he's having a tough time separating from you, then he needs her more than ever.

This is my opinion exactly. It's normal, natural, healthy, and positive for a child to develop a strong attachment to a teacher or caregiver, when away from you. Very normal. I wouldn't stand for my child being separated from somebody (s)he was very attached to, unless there was some compelling reason that couldn't be helped. When DD1 was 3, she was in preschool, and when her teacher took a sick day, she very often had an extremely upsetting day. I would expect, if separation from the trusted caregiver can't be helped, like if a teacher was leaving that job or something, that there would be a plan in place to help the child settle into a new attachment to another adult. I wouldn't tolerate a philosophy that stipulates that a young child shouldn't be "allowed" to be too closely attached to one caregiver. I think that ignores what we know about normal childhood development.