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Differences in attractiveness of children? - Page 2

post #21 of 50
The original post seems to have been deleted but from what I can tell from the responses, I'd just throw in that my DD was accepted into a baby modeling agency and the whole process of even signing her up and seeing if they'd take her confirmed for me why there was NO way I was gonna have her do it. She was only 6 months when they signed her up, and my plan was to only have her doing it until she was like 1 1/2 yrs or so, i.e. until she'd really understand how much people were focusing on how she looked.

But I realized that she'd be affected from day 1, that for me it wasn't good for HER, and if she had a sibling that didn't get accepted, that would have been a deal-breaker too because then I would worry about the impact on each of them of one of them modeling.

To each their own, but I guess I share in the puzzled folks who wonder why anyone who is concerned about others prioritizing their kid's looks would have that kid modeling? That's exactly why my kid doesn't model.
post #22 of 50
I wouldn't focus on looks. Our kids barely have any sort of idea around physical appearances. When my youngest does something sweet like cuddle a teddy, my oldest will often say "He's so cute" but it's focused on the action. Occasionally, we'll say they look handsome when they're dressed up, but really, looks are pretty much off the charts in our house.
post #23 of 50
When the boys were little, DS1 was "the smart one" (he was average looking but wicked, crazy smart), and DS2 was "the cute one" (god-awful cute, charming, above-average intelligence but not shockingly smart).

I don't think either of them has been too insulted by anyone. DS1 really couldn't care less what anyone thinks of him, anyway. That's just his personality. I think DS2 might be a little insecure about whether he's smart enough or not....he always tries to be right in arguments and sometimes cooks up tall tales to appear more interesting.

But really, as they've gotten older, the difference in appearance is less. DS1's features have become more refined and DS2 is going through a bit of an awkward stage....so nobody comments anymore on how cute he is (except the random girl here or there).
post #24 of 50
I'm finding it difficult to understand why someone "not focused on looks" would in fact, focus on her son's appearance to the extent of commodifying it.

I agree with pp that it's time to get out of modeling. No matter what your daughter looks like, simply by being a part of your family she's going to get the message that good looks = attention and money. Is that really the message you want to convey - whether she's pretty or not?
post #25 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by A&A View Post
So if you really don't want the world focused on your children's looks, I'd suggest getting your son out of modeling.
Completely agreed.

YOUR actions will speak to your son and daughter much more loudly than anyone else's comments.
post #26 of 50
Growing up as the duller, plainer one in the family, it wasn't really a big deal. People valued me for other things and that's ok. I think the main thing is that children feel loved and appreciated for who they are.
post #27 of 50
We are blessed with 2 beautiful kids, but younger ds 4 is really really "good looking" with a personality that blows most folks away- super verbal and outgoing and hilarious. Add to that that dd (who is beautiful, but in a quiet soulful way) is 7 and folks just tend to comment on the younger of the two- because face it babies and toddlers are cute - like a puppy is cute.

My two cents is that it will all balance out. New baby will get lots of attention- being the baby will carry her for years and by the time she is old enough to know better ds will enter the awkward kid phase and it will balance out. DD so far has not once seemed put off by brother's compliments. She herself constantly tells him how smart he is and what a great little guy he is.

In my opinion he may have the knock em dead looks, but she has the soul of an angel and is becoming a beauty in her own way- a beauty that will last long after her boobs sag and she has crow's feet like her mama! (um, the saggy boobs and crow's feet part is like me- i am not nearly as good of a person as dd)
post #28 of 50
i know someone who was the ugly duckling in a family of beautiful sisters. there were 4 sisters - the average looking one, two beautiful ones and one that is take your breath away beautiful.

the woman has had issues her whole life and her parents were responsible for most of them. her mom constantly made comments about looks and would be on her ass about wearing her hair a different way or losing weight (if you can't be pretty, you can at least be skinny ) or whatever.

so, while outsiders will say hurtful / stupid things, the way the parents handle things is WAAAYYY more important.
post #29 of 50
As a mom of a dd, I wouldn't want modeling to have any place in my family. That's just me, dealing w/the pressures of preteen years, but I would get it all away from my family without a second thought.

But, perhaps the crux of your question is how it feels to be bringing a second child into your family? I think we all have moments of wondering what it will be like, how the siblings will impact each other, do we have enough energy, love, etc. When our first seems so perfect, and we're so in love, it's hard sometimes to imagine that it will all be fine with the second. It will be, but it's normal to wonder.
post #30 of 50
All of my children have stolen the show at one time or another. I have never made a big deal about it. if they noticed I would just remind them there was a time where people treated them the same way.
post #31 of 50
Cultivating a positive "everyone is beautiful" body image ethos is good for everyone in the family, whether or not they conform to society's standards of "prettiness".

My son is quite handsome but has something of a... challenged personality... he has special needs that make him difficult. He's not sweet and cute, to say the least. If any stranger is commenting it's an under-the-breath comment about being spoiled or something - he screams if he doesn't get his way, he is not friendly, he shouts... he's "that kid". What can I say, I love him to death but if he wasn't my own son, I'm not sure I'd want to spend much time with him. I'm sorry if that is a mean thing to say but I'm trying to see it from a stranger's perspective. He's not pleasant (most of the time; sometimes he can be wonderful, but it all depends).

My daughter is, well... she hasn't quite made it out of the ugly duckling phase. She has potential - lovely eyes - but she still only has this little mini-Afro of baby fuzz mixed in with bald spots, she's got about three chins including a masculine cleft, a huge pot belly she's always playing with (her belly button is her lovely or something)... She is definitely not a huge looker. BUT. She gets so many positive comments though from strangers because she is ADORABLE. She talks up a storm in a really adorable little voice, makes cute comments, is friendly, and has a personality like no other. Very smart little thing.
post #32 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by karne View Post
But, perhaps the crux of your question is how it feels to be bringing a second child into your family? I think we all have moments of wondering what it will be like, how the siblings will impact each other, do we have enough energy, love, etc. When our first seems so perfect, and we're so in love, it's hard sometimes to imagine that it will all be fine with the second. It will be, but it's normal to wonder.

ITA with that insight.
post #33 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by karne View Post
When our first seems so perfect, and we're so in love, it's hard sometimes to imagine that it will all be fine with the second. It will be, but it's normal to wonder.
This makes a lot of sense to me. Since your son's looks are something you value about him that you feel make him special, you wonder might be wondering what will make your new baby special and not be clear on all the other things beside looks that make a child wonderful.

As far as the comments of others, since you are the mommy you have a lot more control than you realize. One of my children is gifted and one has special needs, and I've talked to my family about the things they say. Both of my kids know they are loved and valued for exactly who they are even though they are VERY different people.

I believe our kids are best off when we see them for who they truly are -- their spirit or soul or highest self (whatever words work for you). I think they have the greatest chance for happiness when we see our role as helping them become who they truly are, the best versions of themselves. Exactly how beautiful or exactly how smart are just details.
post #34 of 50
I don't think you'll have a problem, honestly, because they're going to comment on your daughter because she's a girl. My boys are both classically beautiful (big round blue eyes, platinum blonde hair, perfect round features), and -- don't tell her I said this -- my daughter is a very pretty little girl but more plain/less oustanding than my boys in looks. Plus my boys are both very outgoing & outwardly happy, and my daughter is more introspective and quiet (and has a tendency to just stare at people blankly when they talk to her, lol). But she gets three times the compliments the boys do, and I think it's just because she's a girl, so therefore wears cute, girly clothes & has long, pretty hair. People tend to compliment/comment on girl babies/kids more in general, I think, or at least in my experience they have.
post #35 of 50
Oh, and the chances of you having one stunning kid & one truly UGLY kid are pretty low, I would think. I mean, I'm sure it happens, but I would think it would be rare.
post #36 of 50
Thread Starter 
Thanks for all of the replies.

As a former ugly duckling- I know what it can be like to be teased and poked fun of. It hurts. So I'm sensitive when I see family/friends/strangers make a fuss over one child while the other is just ignored.

As for modeling to be quite honest it's been a great experience so far. The agency we're with operates very differently from the industry norm...which is why we're with them. Our experience has been 100% positive so far. If that changes, we'll stop. Frankly, we probably won't have the time when #2 arrives anyway so we'll have to stop.
post #37 of 50
I'm a former ugly duckling too, and have two wonderful and beautiful boys.
I do remember feeling that fear when I was pregnant with #2 , like, I hope my next baby is as beautiful as the first one....in fact, it invaded my dreams and I remember having a dream about giving birth to a two headed puppy.


Then I actually had my second son and he is perfect. Also, as beautiful as his big brother is, it is my second born that gets all the " Aww Look at those eyes! He'll be a lady killer!" comments from everyone. My oldest son doesnt seem to care about his little brother's lady killer-ness though..he seems confidant in himself. Maybe when they are teenagers there will be some competition, but I almost expect that. lol


What I'm trying to say is.. they will both be beautiful, in their own way.
post #38 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by BarnMomma View Post
As a former ugly duckling- I know what it can be like to be teased and poked fun of. It hurts. So I'm sensitive when I see family/friends/strangers make a fuss over one child while the other is just ignored.
you don't have any control over strangers -- but you do over your friends and family.
post #39 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by D_McG View Post
No, I get that. I don't get someone who wants to de-emphasize the importance of physical attractiveness having their kid in modeling....
That was my first thought, too. If you're focusing so much attn on your son's physical appearance, how can you not expect that others will do so, also?

I have a good friend whose first daughter was a beautiful baby-- petite features, lovely color, etc. They worried that there would be comparisons after their second daughter was born. Sure enough, as an infant, there was no comparison-- the second daughter was a very average looking newborn.... but now, two years later, the younger baby is clearly the more striking and pretty child, and she probably will be for their whole lives.
post #40 of 50
I agree with the posters who say get the kid out of modeling.

My sister and I are opposite ends of the spectrum. I was the "smart one" and she was the "pretty one". I was never ever told I was beautiful as a child. In fact, my mother cut my hair short and chose my clothes for me.

My sister ended up with the worse body image. Although I hate that both of us grew into our parent-intended roles quite well, I think she would have benefitted from my mom not making so many comments about her body. And she always felt like she was in my shadow academically.

Tell both your kids that they're beautiful. Tell strangers too.
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