Anyone's ex go for 50/50 custody to avoid paying CS?

[Halfasianmomma]

Yesterday, I received from my lawyer a draft of my divorce proceedings and request for interim judgment and child support. As I was translating the child support portion, I started to worry that STBX, who hasn't picked DD up for his weekday visits in 4 weeks, and shortened last week's week-end visit by an hour, is suddenly going to go on a rampage and demand equal shared custody to avoid paying the 220$ a month the lawyer calculated he'd have to pay me if we continue with our current visitation schedule.

To be honest, if there was a way to forgo him paying CS, in exchange for him not freaking out and demanding 50/50 custody, I'd do it, just because STBX is a frightening and abusive man at best. Unfortunately (or fortunately), here in Quebec CS is automatically deducted at the source from your salary, to prevent delinquance in payment.

Anyone else go through this sort of money-based dilemma for custody?

[LoveOhm]

I would not worry until there is reason to worry or stress. Stressing with "what ifs" will drive you crazy....... Just hold tight and WAIT - he has a new love interest and for the first time has to parent alone so you really don't know how he will react and honestly guessing and stressing are pointlessly premature at this point.

To answer your question though, yes I have heard of several men who opted for 50/50 to avoid paying child support. Sometimes this can be a good thing because the father really steps up and embraces the time with his child and the child then gets a very involved father. Sometimes the father realizes it is cheaper and less work to reduce the time and those father's will quickly surface once the visitation starts.

In myopinion I think visitation gets impacted far more (and for a longer period of time) by a new love interest than to avoid CS. Ego can be far more of a factor than money for a good number of men especially when they are trying to impress someone new.... and that someone new does not want to hear he is not involved.

[Halfasianmomma]

Speak of the devil and he'll appear...as I was reading your response LoveOhm, I received a call from STBX, who hasn't contacted me at work in several months. Hmm...

I do agree with you about the impact of a new relationship on custody. Five years ago when I got together with STBX *I* was the other woman, and he then had an amicable custody arrangement with his DS2's mother, but not so amicable with DS3's mother, whom he left "for me". Things got nasty between them and suddenly, he announced that DS3 was in fact "not his", thereby justifying the decision to stop seeing him. The decision was cimented when he was served with divorce and child support proceedings; he didn't work at the time so the government could not seize his paycheques, and since he never showed up in court DS3's mother was granted sole custody.

Knowing this, I'm wondering (and hoping) if the pattern will not repeat itself with this new woman in STBX's life, who also happens to have a young son.

I do my best not to worry about STBX's reactions, but being as he is an alcoholic and wildly unpredictable, I tend to be on my guard for whatever apocalypse he likes to lay on me whenever the mood or the drunkeness strikes him.

[*MamaJen*]

It sounds like it will be very easy to prove that he is way too unstable and addicted to have 50-50 custody. Have you been keeping a log of all his outbursts and crazy behavior?
I would not give up that CS, either. You're really going to want it in the future. Even if you don't want to deal with him yourself, go through your lawyer. I think it's worth fighting for.
Even in he got 50-50, he would still have to pay for half of child care, wouldn't he? That would be way more than $220 monthly, right?

[Halfasianmomma]

Well, since I make almost twice as much as he does, *I* end up paying him CS, but it would be a small amount (my lawyer says 44$), AND STBX would have to fork out 325$ a month for childcare. Right now, he pays zilch. See why he wants us to avoid going to court?

I already log everything that goes on between us that relates to visitation (or threats made). Perhaps it'll come in handy should this turn into an ugly court battle.

[Super~Single~Mama]

If he *really* wanted to avoid going to court, he would agree to a reasonable visitation plan. Really.

Keep that log updated!!