Right time financially to have children

[aquarius aspiring]

I'm not sure what forum this thread should go in, but I figured Frugality & Finances was a good forum as any.

I've been thinking seriously about the right time to have children, at least from a financial standpoint.

From your viewpoint, how much does raising children cost? Should finances be the number one consideration in when to start having children? Were you blown away by how much raising children costs? Did you plan ahead and still get hit by surprises? Is there a set amount of money you set aside before TTC just to be on the safe side? If you're struggling with finances now, were you struggling before you had kids?

Edited by aquarius aspiring - 12/31/11 at 5:04pm

[JTA Mom]

Originally Posted by aquarius aspiring

I'm not sure what forum this thread should go in, but I figured Frugality & Finances was a good forum as any.

I've been thinking seriously about the right time to have children, at least from a financial standpoint.

A little background:

DH and I have been married for ten months. We've gone back and forth on when to start TTC. He has his masters degree and works full-time with benefits and I'm on his health insurance. I work two part-time jobs. I'm currently in an online masters degree program for library science.

DH has a balance on his credit card, but it's nothing that a few payments can't pay off. I have about about a $500 balance on my card, which shouldn't take me long to pay off. DH has no outstanding debts. I have $19,000 of student loan debt from undergraduate and about $9,000 so far on my graduate debt. I don't make enough money to pay for my classes outright. I should be done with school in about a year and then try to find a full-time job if I haven't already found one by then.

DH pays the rent, electric, and internet every month and I pay the gas bill. I make payments on my student loans every two weeks. I have a monthly gym fee and a monthly vet fee (Banfield). We don't have a budget set up and pay for incidentals individually. We have quite a bit in savings for emergencies. Both of us use our debit cards on a daily basis, although I'm trying to be better about using cash only.

When DH and I successfully conceive, I'm hoping for a homebirth and to hire a midwife and a doula, which I doubt my insurance covers. That's one thing to save up for. All things willing, I would like to use cloth diapers and to breastfeed our babe.

From your viewpoint, how much does raising children cost? Should finances be the number one consideration in when to start having children? Were you blown away by how much raising children costs? Did you plan ahead and still get hit by surprises? Is there a set amount of money you set aside before TTC just to be on the safe side? If you're struggling with finances now, were you struggling before you had kids?

From the bolded: start budgeting right now. It will give you a realistic picture of your financial situation, letting you see exactly how much you really need a month. This gives you a starting point. The one thing I've learned is that pregnancy is unpredictable. If you were to need bedrest and couldn't work, would you guys be able to weather that, etc. It's also easier to come to an agreement about spending & saving right now before the sleeplessness and exhaustion of having a newborn, or the stress of a pregnancy interferes.

That said:

Babies are inexpensive. As they grow up, they become more expensive.

Speaking from previous experience, please finish up schooling before even getting pregnant. Pregnancy isn't predictable, so it's easier, overall, to focus on school beforehand. It's also a lot easier before kids (speaking from current experience).

Financially, dh and I got out of college during the beginning of the economic downturn. So hiring freezes in place everywhere. Now it's been 'long enough' that employers are wondering why we haven't moved up. Hmm, maybe because no one was hiring? Anyways, financially it has been tight.

That said, babies and young children do not need much, financially speaking. Ds really only needs clothes, some diapers, a carseat, he was breastfed, and we have a sidecarred crib. He's 2.5.

I shop the sales for clothing, use either Costco diapers for outings or prefolds at home, and the crib was a cheapo one (I think $100 brand new from Target. I remember my aunt and mom being surprised at how little money it took us to keep ds clothed, fed, etc throughout infancy. My aunt in fact said that breastfeeding him was the biggest dent she could see in the amount needed. Diapers from costco ran about $50 a month (before we started CD). Between that and my old baby clothes (yes my mom kept them!) and those from the shower, we didn't really need much, if anything else.

It also helps that ds was/is super healthy. Had he been sick a lot, it would have cost a lot.

Ami

[staceychev]

Just do it.

Seriously, you guys sound like you're a lot better off than most people are when they have kids. And, as everyone around me likes to say: "If you wait for the right time to have kids, you'll never do it."

You may also find that your insurance will pay for a homebirth. I'm doing a hospital/midwife birth, but I'm pretty sure that mine would pay for a homebirth if I wanted one, and I know I've talked to other MDC mamas whose insurance has paid for homebirth.

The one thing that would tempt me to wait if I was in your shoes is the masters degree. If you're not too far from finishing it, I might consider doing that first. I finished my masters thesis when I was 8 months pregnant, and it was really nice to have it over with.

[dachshundqueen]

When you can afford to support your own family and you have hashed out between the two of you parenting decisions (especially important is if you will have a SAHP or 2 WOHP).

Budgeting is crucial to understanding your finances - things will change after you a have child. Some things, like hospital bedrest, a NICU stay or an unhealthy child long term you really cannot budget for - but having an idea of where you truly are financially and where your money is going will give you an idea of where you may have to cut back so that you can afford the new family and continue to pay all of your obligations without relying on others.

Perhaps not popular, but I feel it's better to know ahead of time if you'll be shooting yourself in the foot.

ETA: I'd also finish school and attempt to budget in such a way to minimize further student loans or pay down existing loans as that's a fair bit of money you owe there.

Liz

[Delicateflower]

I would work for a year or two to get some experience before you take time off to have a baby.

[Amys1st]

I remember someone telling us in BC (before children) if you wait to have kids until you can afford them, you never will.

Non money speaking:
That said, I would give myself some time alone for a few years with my spouse. We waited 4 years until trying for our first and she came on our 5 yr wedding anniversary. I remember others saying wait a few years (and you're younger not having to worry about the clock ticking) so spend some time being a couple and getting to know one another. Then make a baby because they are forever. I am not saying take as long or short as we did, but consider this.

Money wise:
I would also suggest working a few years, get into a career before adding a child in the mix. Also, you are thinking best bet. You cannot factor in special needs or anything of course unless they come up. Or we have what we call the "oh sh*t" factor. Everything seems budgeted, going well and the dishwasher breaks costing $200 to fix or better yet, need a whole new one for $750. Make sense?

[Pinoikoi]

Why are you paying your student loans twice a month while you are still in school? Do you have to, or do you choose to? I definitely see the benefit in doing it if it is a choice, so I am not suggesting you stop, just trying to understand the student debt you have.

My student debt is tax deductible, so I see little reason to pay it off early. My loan is through my State, and I would much rather pay them every month than owe the Feds at the end of the year.. so I pay a few months ahead (for buffer), but don't pay extra than required..

I had my oldest my senior year of college.. I ended up going to grad school and balancing infancy with grad school was challenging.. if I had had to pay day care expenses I probably would have had to quit.. Dp was able to get his "weekends" during the week, so it worked out that I didn't need a babysitter..

Some things are more expensive now, though, and in retrospect, I look back on some things and shudder.. We coslept mostly, but we had a crib that really was dangerous.. it had plastic pieces that snapped together but were a bit worn, and one time I found one corner unsnapped and the crib mattress was slanted.. thankfully ds cried when it happened.. he could have been hurt or killed though.. I "made do" so much and I think I cut too many corners sometimes (crib example).. there are lots of things I wouldn't do the same, no more used cribs, mattresses, or carseats are some of them..

but generally cloth diapering and breastfeeding keep expenses to a minimum..

My third child had a seizure disorder.. we had good insurance, and he gets Indian Health Services for MOST things anyway, but we spent a lot of TIME dealing with it.. lots of appointments, lots of specialists, emergency room visits, etc.. kids with health problems don't just affect your pocketbook.. if you have to take time off- who is going to take it? You from classes or your dh from work? It is a tough call...

[doubledutch]

i think it makes sense to finish school and begin your career, and also have time to just be a married couple, before ttc. i also think this would be a good time to make a list of all your expenses and financial priorities and make some decisions together. why are you paying student loans right now? if they aren't accruing interest, i don't see the point. if they are, then i kind of do, but presumably it's a low interest rate and you shouldn't have to make payments during grad school - it might make more sense to save aggressively and earn interest on that money, and begin paying your student loans once you have finished school. in any case, paying off credit card debt should be a priority, and if you guys are paying for 'incidentals' comfortably without a budget, then you probably have the money to pay those off quickly. like with the next few paychecks.

my older son was a surprise pregnancy. luckily, i was in my last semester of school and we had just moved into our first house (conceived about a year after we got married). dh worked at a record store about 30 hours a week. i had a decent job and figured with my degree, i'd be able to earn more (thankfully, i was right) so we decided dh should stay home, since realistically, i couldn't. things were tight financially when i conceived, and they still are. that doesn't mean we can't afford to have kids. if we waited until the "right" time, financially and in terms of whatever else dh was thinking about, well the right time would probably never have come. by getting pregnant, we were forced to pull ourselves together (somewhat, i mean, we still have some growing up to do, imo). we decided to have another baby right away (before ds1 was even born) so our kids are 18 months apart.

now dh wants to have more kids and i'm the one who wants to wait for the right time financially. he has been a sahd for five years and we just had a conversation about him going back to work. for me, the "right time financially" this time around, means dh is working and the older two are starting school (rather than $$$ preschool), so i can have a real maternity leave instead of six measly weeks. so i can see both sides of things - waiting and not waiting.

for now, since you're waiting, i do think you should make a budget if for no other reason than to create that fund for your midwife, doula, maternity leave, breast pump, diaper stash, and whatever else you want or feel you need. i know mw fees vary. around here it's $2500-$4500. that covers not just the birth but all prenatal and postpartum care. but on top of that, the doula is around $500, and the "other stuff" could be $1000 or much more depending on what you choose (or much, much less, down to practically free, if you are frugal and resourceful). i think $5000 is realistic for the childbearing year, but as others said, most babies really don't cost much of anything, once they're here.

[aquarius aspiring]

Originally Posted by JTA Mom

From the bolded: start budgeting right now. It will give you a realistic picture of your financial situation, letting you see exactly how much you really need a month. This gives you a starting point. The one thing I've learned is that pregnancy is unpredictable. If you were to need bedrest and couldn't work, would you guys be able to weather that, etc. It's also easier to come to an agreement about spending & saving right now before the sleeplessness and exhaustion of having a newborn, or the stress of a pregnancy interferes.


Ami

Thanks for the advice, Ami. I figured that I would finish up school before having kids. Then again, in a few years, I want to go back to school for training in midwifery. For right now, the only thing interferring with schoolwork is my procrastination. A babe in arms and then a toddler running around would either make me focus more or focus less or maybe both!

Budgeting is on the list of things to do right behind filing our taxes.

[elsie]

I woul keep doing what you are doing, get a good idea of how little you can libe on and have a baby when you are 30. You are in rather good shape right now, you want to have a child before you get into that "advanced maternal age" business and still be young enough to enjoy everything. I think you can easily get a job with your degree a few years after having a child or two.

Babies are not really expensive, the expensive stuff happens with day care/or not working, education/recreation (schools and camps), gadegets. Most of this is optional or can be done paying less than mainstream. You just need to find the solution that works for you.

[aquarius aspiring]

Originally Posted by Pinoikoi

Why are you paying your student loans twice a month while you are still in school? Do you have to, or do you choose to? I definitely see the benefit in doing it if it is a choice, so I am not suggesting you stop, just trying to understand the student debt you have.

My student debt is tax deductible, so I see little reason to pay it off early. My loan is through my State, and I would much rather pay them every month than owe the Feds at the end of the year.. so I pay a few months ahead (for buffer), but don't pay extra than required..

I had my oldest my senior year of college.. I ended up going to grad school and balancing infancy with grad school was challenging.. if I had had to pay day care expenses I probably would have had to quit.. Dp was able to get his "weekends" during the week, so it worked out that I didn't need a babysitter..

Some things are more expensive now, though, and in retrospect, I look back on some things and shudder.. We coslept mostly, but we had a crib that really was dangerous.. it had plastic pieces that snapped together but were a bit worn, and one time I found one corner unsnapped and the crib mattress was slanted.. thankfully ds cried when it happened.. he could have been hurt or killed though.. I "made do" so much and I think I cut too many corners sometimes (crib example).. there are lots of things I wouldn't do the same, no more used cribs, mattresses, or carseats are some of them..

but generally cloth diapering and breastfeeding keep expenses to a minimum..

My third child had a seizure disorder.. we had good insurance, and he gets Indian Health Services for MOST things anyway, but we spent a lot of TIME dealing with it.. lots of appointments, lots of specialists, emergency room visits, etc.. kids with health problems don't just affect your pocketbook.. if you have to take time off- who is going to take it? You from classes or your dh from work? It is a tough call...

I suppose that while I'm in school, I could get a...whatchamacallit...so I could wait to make payments. However, I feel like I should be making payments since I have the money for payments. I screwed up after I graduated from college five years ago and didn't make regular payments. It's only in the past two years that I've started making really regular payments. I didn't even know that student loans could be tax-deductible.

It's true I am thinking best-case scenario with the health of our children. Anything could happen and then where would we be? I would like to be a SAHM, but I know that DH feels like he doesn't make enough money just to support the two of us right now. Of course, there are many things we could cut down on, like eating out.

I appreciate all your advice.

[doubledutch]

the interest you pay on student loans reduces your taxable income.

if you're thinking of being a sahm, then it doesn't matter so much that you establish your career before having kids, as long as you have some way to show (once you are hunting for a job) that you've remained current in your field, by way of membership in a professional organization, or volunteer work, or something.

[crunchy_mommy]

Well one thing to consider is, would you want to be a SAHM or a WOHM? I thought I wanted to be a WOHM but once DS was born I couldn't bear to leave him so now I am a full-time WAHM (crazy!) & about to switch to part-time WAH. If I could have a "redo" I would have liked to make it possible for us to survive on one income. Then I would've been able to CHOOSE if I wanted to SAH or WAH or WOH, and we could've had daycare/a nanny if that was what we wanted, etc. DH just got a new job & it's so much less stressful when I'm not both the primary wage earner & the primary caregiver!!! Also consider the lifestyle you want -- would you be happy living simply, would you want memberships to museums/parks/clubs/etc., would you feel the need to buy the nicest/"best" toys & clothes for your child... I guess I'm saying figure out the life you guys want, and figure out how much it would cost, and compare that to your current financial picture.

ETA: Oops, didn't read all the responses first, don't know how helpful my response was now

[JTA Mom]

Originally Posted by aquarius aspiring

Thanks for the advice, Ami. I figured that I would finish up school before having kids. Then again, in a few years, I want to go back to school for training in midwifery. For right now, the only thing interferring with schoolwork is my procrastination. A babe in arms and then a toddler running around would either make me focus more or focus less or maybe both!

Budgeting is on the list of things to do right behind filing our taxes.

I didn't mean to imply you couldn't finish up schooling while having kids. It's just much harder. Ahhhh, how spoiled I was to not have to hide all homework and papers from a crayon happy toddler.

With ds2, I got pregnant with him during my last semester in college. I didn't go to term with his older brother (only 16 weeks) for reasons still unknown, so that pregnancy the doctors were super conservative and I was put on bedrest. I had awesome teachers I'd already had before, so they knew me, I was a top student and I had friends in class to relay me notes. I managed to finish 2/3rds of the semester at home. But it was hard reading about theory when I was worried about my baby.

Right now I'm in the process of finishing up a few pre-requisites for Nursing School. There's a Master's program nearby that would allow me to get my RN and an advanced degree. I started that with ds, and it's 'hard' in the sense of timing. I have to work out my school schedule in relation to dh's work schedule and when I can have him watched by family. Now with this unexpected baby coming, it makes it a bit tighter. Just takes a lot more planning.

Ami

[zinemama]

You seem like responsible people with good jobs (dh) or on track to getting on (you). It appears that you are on the same page financially. That's all good.

You have been married only ten months. My advice: don't bring something as life-changing as a baby into such a young marriage. Give yourselves time to enjoy life as just the two of you - it'll be the last time you can for a heck of a long time.

Yes, a baby brings some additional expenses. As pp have noted, not a heck of a lot, but that changes very fast, as your child gets older. Take the time, finish school, build your savings and pay off as much debt as you can. But most of all, enjoy yourselves and let your marriage grow, first.

[HeatherAtHome]

Originally Posted by Amys1st

That said, I would give myself some time alone for a few years with my spouse. We waited 4 years until trying for our first and she came on our 5 yr wedding anniversary. I remember others saying wait a few years (and you're younger not having to worry about the clock ticking) so spend some time being a couple and getting to know one another. Then make a baby because they are forever. I am not saying take as long or short as we did, but consider this.

I'll admit, this part is true. DH and I have been together 11 years (since I was 18). We're starting to get to the point of "just do it already!!!" but the waiting was ok because it gave us time together as a married couple and it gave me time to "find myself". I'm pushing thirty though and would like to get started. I don't want to be an 'old' mom.

[mnnice]

I think part of the equation of when is the right time is how many children do you think you want total? DP and I have two kids. I had always invisioned myself with 3 or 4. In the end we sort of felt "aged out" of more kids not because of any fertility or financial issues, but lack of physical and emotional energy to put towards more kids.

We got married because we wanted to start a family and had been a couple, lived together, and merged finances for a long time before getting married. We had already had our time together without kids.

[Amys1st]

Heather- I was also pushing 30 when dd1 was conceived. We also have been together since our teens, but we didnt wed until we were 24 and 25.

I also agree with all other advice given. Making a finacial priority list sounds like an awesome idea.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by doubledutch

the interest you pay on student loans reduces your taxable income.

if you're thinking of being a sahm, then it doesn't matter so much that you establish your career before having kids, as long as you have some way to show (once you are hunting for a job) that you've remained current in your field, by way of membership in a professional organization, or volunteer work, or something.

This. And actually I've done the opposite, and it's worked better. I left my career before DS was born and started working freelance. Because I wasn't established, I never felt that I was missing something or ruining my future choices. As it turns out, I decided while freelancing that I want to go an entirely different direction with my career, and I'm glad I didn't invest years and years into the first field before I realized it.

That said, consider the cost of childcare (even the occasional babysitter for a date night). If you're going to SAHM, consider a budget for things for you to do to recharge and for things to do for you and the baby. Those expenses, imo, are less considered but just as important to make everything go smoothly.

FWIW, I have a SN child. We have spent tons on medical expenses, though nothing like what many other families spent. We weren't prepared for it, but we've made it through. Things happen with children, and you figure them out.

[hopefulfaith]

Originally Posted by zinemama

You seem like responsible people with good jobs (dh) or on track to getting on (you). It appears that you are on the same page financially. That's all good.

You have been married only ten months. My advice: don't bring something as life-changing as a baby into such a young marriage. Give yourselves time to enjoy life as just the two of you - it'll be the last time you can for a heck of a long time.

Yes, a baby brings some additional expenses. As pp have noted, not a heck of a lot, but that changes very fast, as your child gets older. Take the time, finish school, build your savings and pay off as much debt as you can. But most of all, enjoy yourselves and let your marriage grow, first.

I scrolled through the thread so I could type this very advice. Then, I saw zinemama did it for me.

So...yeah that.
Get your finances on track, think about the SAH/WOH issue, do the work experience thing....all of that. But definitely give yourself a few years as a couple before you have kids. I really feel like it was the best thing dh and I could have done. We traveled here and there on a whim, got to know each other's strengths and weaknesses and all, and basically gave ourselves time to "be married" for a few years (only 4, so it wasn't a lot!) before we very deliberately stopped trying to avoid ... I don't regret it a bit and even think that a longer period would have been fine, too.

Enjoy it.