I'm having some midwife issues that I'm not sure how to figure out. We have two collectives in my area, and you pretty much have to get in as soon as conception since they're high in demand. I'm roughly 4 months so switching would be very difficult.
Anyhow, my collective has several. I have my primary, our first visit was preliminary, finding out my health issues, basically 20 questions. She seemed nice and everything was fine. My second visit was a blood test, blood pressure, trying to find the baby's heartbeat, pee test etc. Anyhow the second visit I was kept waiting for 40 minutes, no real biggie, but there was no apology or explanation (she was in the office, not delivering). Anyhow, my midwife was then absent for much of the visit. Her student who is very nice, but on her first placement and in second year, did much of the exam, without any supervision. After that we ended up talking for about 20 more minutes, while waiting on the midwife. When she came in, she somewhat chewed out her student for not getting enough vials for the blood test in front of me. She wasn't very warm and seemed hurried (it was the end of the day, and we all have families to get to, but it's not my fault she's behind). Anyhow, I went to go give a urine sample and when I came back, she spent another 10 minutes chit chatting with the receptionist while I sat there looking at the student. So I ended up calling my mom to give her instructions for feeding my kids, and as I was wrapping up that call, she came in and seemed very annoyed. So she tried to listen for the baby, didn't hear anything, said not to worry it's normal, I told her that I am going to worry and she just dismissed it for our visit the next month and sent me on my way. That night, I rented a doppler and found the HB the next day, within 5 minutes.
Flash forward to this month and I get her back up. We immediately hit it off, we had a great talk, she was warm, unrushed, relaxed. She immediately put me at ease. It took 10 minutes to find the baby's heartbeat (I'm fat and baby is Houdini), and she just took her time and kept me calm (I was trying not to freak). We talked about birth choices and all that wonderful stuff, she asked me where I'd prefer to get my 20 week u/s as some offices require full bladders where mine does not. I just felt so great coming from that appointment. Cloud nine really! The receptionist booked me in for another appointment with her and I did not correct her.
My DH is not 100% on board with the midwife thing. I wanted to do a homebirth and he's not at all interested in that, so fine, hospital. He was not impressed hearing what he did with my second appointment with my primary at all, so that didn't help my cause. He's been pretty silent on the issue, which is stressing me out. He feels that his role won't be respected and that the midwife is not as attentive to detail as our doctor would be (and with the second visit, I would agree with him).
I do want med free, but I don't know if I can accomplish that with my primary. She just seemed so inattentive, hurried, uninterested and her irritation with her student in front of me bothered me, and I know if I'm in labour, I'm likely to snap at someone for that kind of thing. I also don't necessarily know if the primary midwife will be very supportive of my husband being my main support and how much I value him as a birth partner. Not so much for any reason than, she seems to like to run the show.
So I don't know what to do, do I chalk up my primary's behaviour as a bad day and give it another shot. I will be seeing the backup in April, so should I make my case for using her? The thing is though, even if I do and she's busy, my primary would be her backup. My other option is hiring a doula, I have a friend who is one and I think she would be a great option, but still, I would like back up midwife as my primary.
Really, I'm at the point where if I see my primary once more and I'm not getting a good vibe, I will go crawling back to my doctor begging for her to take me or for an OB referral. I'm also pretty lousy at asserting myself (unless I'm cranky), so any tips would be so appreciated.
Anyhow, sorry for the novel, I just wanted to get some other POV on this subject. My friends are pretty mainstream so here I am.
Anyhow, my collective has several. I have my primary, our first visit was preliminary, finding out my health issues, basically 20 questions. She seemed nice and everything was fine. My second visit was a blood test, blood pressure, trying to find the baby's heartbeat, pee test etc. Anyhow the second visit I was kept waiting for 40 minutes, no real biggie, but there was no apology or explanation (she was in the office, not delivering). Anyhow, my midwife was then absent for much of the visit. Her student who is very nice, but on her first placement and in second year, did much of the exam, without any supervision. After that we ended up talking for about 20 more minutes, while waiting on the midwife. When she came in, she somewhat chewed out her student for not getting enough vials for the blood test in front of me. She wasn't very warm and seemed hurried (it was the end of the day, and we all have families to get to, but it's not my fault she's behind). Anyhow, I went to go give a urine sample and when I came back, she spent another 10 minutes chit chatting with the receptionist while I sat there looking at the student. So I ended up calling my mom to give her instructions for feeding my kids, and as I was wrapping up that call, she came in and seemed very annoyed. So she tried to listen for the baby, didn't hear anything, said not to worry it's normal, I told her that I am going to worry and she just dismissed it for our visit the next month and sent me on my way. That night, I rented a doppler and found the HB the next day, within 5 minutes.
Flash forward to this month and I get her back up. We immediately hit it off, we had a great talk, she was warm, unrushed, relaxed. She immediately put me at ease. It took 10 minutes to find the baby's heartbeat (I'm fat and baby is Houdini), and she just took her time and kept me calm (I was trying not to freak). We talked about birth choices and all that wonderful stuff, she asked me where I'd prefer to get my 20 week u/s as some offices require full bladders where mine does not. I just felt so great coming from that appointment. Cloud nine really! The receptionist booked me in for another appointment with her and I did not correct her.
My DH is not 100% on board with the midwife thing. I wanted to do a homebirth and he's not at all interested in that, so fine, hospital. He was not impressed hearing what he did with my second appointment with my primary at all, so that didn't help my cause. He's been pretty silent on the issue, which is stressing me out. He feels that his role won't be respected and that the midwife is not as attentive to detail as our doctor would be (and with the second visit, I would agree with him).
I do want med free, but I don't know if I can accomplish that with my primary. She just seemed so inattentive, hurried, uninterested and her irritation with her student in front of me bothered me, and I know if I'm in labour, I'm likely to snap at someone for that kind of thing. I also don't necessarily know if the primary midwife will be very supportive of my husband being my main support and how much I value him as a birth partner. Not so much for any reason than, she seems to like to run the show.
So I don't know what to do, do I chalk up my primary's behaviour as a bad day and give it another shot. I will be seeing the backup in April, so should I make my case for using her? The thing is though, even if I do and she's busy, my primary would be her backup. My other option is hiring a doula, I have a friend who is one and I think she would be a great option, but still, I would like back up midwife as my primary.
Really, I'm at the point where if I see my primary once more and I'm not getting a good vibe, I will go crawling back to my doctor begging for her to take me or for an OB referral. I'm also pretty lousy at asserting myself (unless I'm cranky), so any tips would be so appreciated.
Anyhow, sorry for the novel, I just wanted to get some other POV on this subject. My friends are pretty mainstream so here I am.
Good luck!
