Christian and AP?

[dislocator3972]

I love my faith. I love my church friends. I also love the bond that AP is building between me and my daughter and I do not believe there is any conflict between my faith and my parenting.

But I don't feel like I fit in with Christian parents because I don't CIO or spank, and I don't feel like I fit in with a lot of the AP/LLL crowd because my relationship with God is so important to me.

I can't separate my parenting from my faith any more than I can separate my faith from any other part of my life.

How do you handle straddling the two spheres? Do you feel the same way? Or have you found crunchy Christian parents and built friendships that way?

[Ellien C]

You might google Grace-based parenting for some more support. I haven't found any conflict in my Christian church (Unity) and my style of parenting. Christian covers a pretty broad stretch of the the world. I do understand what you are saying though. I there are some older threads here where people have talked about it.

[sk8boarder15]

Honestly, I'm a christian (in the past a Children's Pastor and now helping run a house church) and I think AP fits in perfectly with Christianity. I know a few other Christians who practice some or all of the things associated with AP.

[NaturalMamma]

I've found this to be an issue since I became pg 10 yrs ago. DH and I did not interpret the "spare the rod" verse the same as other Christian families and we could not imagine leaving our DD to CIO anywhere. So I often felt caught between both worlds. It took time, but eventually I met like-minded families over the years. In the end, though, I had to make my faith a priority and just let others raise their eyebrows about our style of parenting.

I have found it interesting that a lot of the liberal parents (I lean conservative) would assume I was liberal b/c we co-slept, didn't vax, we eat organic, recycle, I nursed for 4 yrs, etc etc. and they would bash the conservatives or Christians in front of me. When I was around my fellow Christians they would assume I spanked, vaxed etc. I recall one person going on and on about how it was irresponsible for parents not to vax. She assumed everyone at the table vax'd. It's always interesting to see how people like to pigeon-hole me. When we first moved here, our very liberal next-door neighbors boasted about how they live their life. Then they discovered that we're more crunchy than they are. They don't know what to think of us!

[dislocator3972]

Originally Posted by NaturalMamma

I've found this to be an issue since I became pg 10 yrs ago. DH and I did not interpret the "spare the rod" verse the same as other Christian families and we could not imagine leaving our DD to CIO anywhere. So I often felt caught between both worlds. It took time, but eventually I met like-minded families over the years. In the end, though, I had to make my faith a priority and just let others raise their eyebrows about our style of parenting.

I have found it interesting that a lot of the liberal parents (I lean conservative) would assume I was liberal b/c we co-slept, didn't vax, we eat organic, recycle, I nursed for 4 yrs, etc etc. and they would bash the conservatives or Christians in front of me. When I was around my fellow Christians they would assume I spanked, vaxed etc. I recall one person going on and on about how it was irresponsible for parents not to vax. She assumed everyone at the table vax'd. It's always interesting to see how people like to pigeon-hole me. When we first moved here, our very liberal next-door neighbors boasted about how they live their life. Then they discovered that we're more crunchy than they are. They don't know what to think of us!

That's exactly what I mean! I don't want to avoid talking about religion, politics, and parenting for fear of instigating some sort of debate or argument, but I don't like to be expected to fit into a category, especially when it's a category that doesn't fit me.

I suppose I just need to be patient until I've met more people in the area, or find the support online. I'm not a huge fan of relying on internet relationships though.

I know that my parenting and my faith aren't in conflict, I just want to see that continuity reflected in my peers I guess.

[dislocator3972]

Originally Posted by NaturalMamma

I've found this to be an issue since I became pg 10 yrs ago. DH and I did not interpret the "spare the rod" verse the same as other Christian families and we could not imagine leaving our DD to CIO anywhere. So I often felt caught between both worlds. It took time, but eventually I met like-minded families over the years. In the end, though, I had to make my faith a priority and just let others raise their eyebrows about our style of parenting.

I have found it interesting that a lot of the liberal parents (I lean conservative) would assume I was liberal b/c we co-slept, didn't vax, we eat organic, recycle, I nursed for 4 yrs, etc etc. and they would bash the conservatives or Christians in front of me. When I was around my fellow Christians they would assume I spanked, vaxed etc. I recall one person going on and on about how it was irresponsible for parents not to vax. She assumed everyone at the table vax'd. It's always interesting to see how people like to pigeon-hole me. When we first moved here, our very liberal next-door neighbors boasted about how they live their life. Then they discovered that we're more crunchy than they are. They don't know what to think of us!

That's exactly what I mean! I don't want to avoid talking about religion, politics, and parenting for fear of instigating some sort of debate or argument, but I don't like to be expected to fit into a category, especially when it's a category that doesn't fit me.

I suppose I just need to be patient until I've met more people in the area, or find the support online. I'm not a huge fan of relying on internet relationships though.

I know that my parenting and my faith aren't in conflict, I just want to see that continuity reflected in my peers I guess.

[lilmom]

OP, want to move to Texas and be my neighbor so we can be Christian AP mamas together? I could use a friend too, one that I could discuss politics and religion with, and also my views on parenting.

I do think though, that it's not necessarily a Christians-are-not-AP and non-Christians-are thing, so much as it's a MOST people are not AP.

I have non-Christian friends who are not AP. I have Christian friends who are not AP as well.

I also have *one* Christian friend who is semi-AP. She babywears and cosleeps. However she is definitely not as crunchy as me. I also have *one* atheist friend who is sort of crunchy but does not babywear or cosleep..she just believes in organic food and products and no-circ. They both vax.

So I don't know..I just feel like it's super hard to find friends that you connect with on every level. But I agree with you that Christianity and AP go hand in hand quite nicely.

[Nazsmum]

OP-I know how you feel. But I have meet some christian AP people. I now have a friend the is a christian douls and an unschooling mom. Soooo keep looking. We are out there.

[JoyFilled]

I think too that you can influence new Christian mothers. When I was pregnant a person in my church was really crunchy (I guess that's the term) and she introduced me to a lot of ideas (including this website) that influenced my parenting.

[claddaghmom]

I know how you feel. It's hard b/c I've found great crunchy mamas online but we don't share the spiritual aspects. It seems most people who "get" these issues are pagan or atheist.


Meanwhile it seems the people in my spiritual community are on a wide spectrum. I was homeschooled so many of my friends have varying levels of non-vax or TF diet for example. And breastfeeding is basically normalized. But spanking is a huge issue, as is unschooling, CIO, UC etc.


I've found these "AP" practices really align themselves with Christianity. But at the same time, the culture behind "AP" makes Christians in my community turn up their nose or eye me suspiciously, as if I'm not truly a Christian anymore. I've taken to calling my parenting style "Christ-based parenting" and I use a lot of keywords from the CCC and the Bible. (aka Bodily Integrity and Dignity of Human Life).

[bluebirdiemama]

I know what you mean. I have friends with similar parenting styles but not Christian. Would love to meet some families with both in common

[Kailey's mom]

Originally Posted by dislocator3972

I love my faith. I love my church friends. I also love the bond that AP is building between me and my daughter and I do not believe there is any conflict between my faith and my parenting.

But I don't feel like I fit in with Christian parents because I don't CIO or spank, and I don't feel like I fit in with a lot of the AP/LLL crowd because my relationship with God is so important to me.

I can't separate my parenting from my faith any more than I can separate my faith from any other part of my life.

How do you handle straddling the two spheres? Do you feel the same way? Or have you found crunchy Christian parents and built friendships that way?

hmmm.... I'm Christian, and I do not spank, and I am against the CIO method. It goes against every instinct of mine. I don't think that Jesus would want children to be hit JMHO. I am sick to death over that saying that some people use "spare the rod, spoil the child" the rod was used to guide sheep, not to hit sheep. We should guide our children. I try to educate those who interperate that verse in a way to which the rod was used to hit. That is not the case.

[peachsara]

Awwww, y'all can all just move near me, then we'll have a little AP, Christian community. I know what you mean - people like to label others and form groups based on those labels. So, it can make it difficult when you feel like there isn't a label that fits you. (grrrr.... labels. are they ever totally accurate anyway? who is really that black and white? )


I'm stuck in a similar place, so I don't really have any advice, just wanted to add to the voices saying you are not alone!

[SemiCrunchy]

I have been struggling with this for years too, but God has placed some other similar families in our path. There are also other places online for mothers who are gentle and christian. You might want to google those three words to see what you find. Though it is hard to "fit" anywhere because even within a subgroup, there are LOTS of differences. Sometimes it feels safe to belong to a group that sounds similar, but in the end, we have to find our strength in the Lord, because not everyone will walk the same path even within the same parameters. Love and prayers to you!

[The Amber Lily]

I feel the same way, that AP fits perfectly with being a Christian. God has given us a small group of good friends who are on this lifestyle journey as well.

[Joyster]

not really an issue in my church. The parents might be more mainstream or not, but our church supports gentle relationships with children. Heck, I remember once leaving the sanctuary once to nurse my DS1 because the couches and chairs were more supportive and comfortable. Anyhow, the minister kinda chewed me out for leaving saying that I didn't need to hide (in fact, several women did-most of these women are grandmothers). When I explained the reason, she made sure next week there was a rocking chair in the sanctuary. The kids are all treated very respectfully in our church and so gentle parenting and Christianity are not at odds at all in my life.

[rlmueller]

Gotta bring back this thread

Dude!!! I love you all. And to the woman who said the rod was for guidance--I love you so so so so so so so so much!!!!! My church 'Anglican type' looks Con on the outside but there is so much crunch on the inside. A family of 10 extended breastfeeding and cosleeping, a total of 7 homebirths.

I'm with you all. There is nothing more Christian and loving in the world than APing.

[Bluegoat]

Originally Posted by rlmueller

Dude!!! I love you all. And to the woman who said the rod was for guidance--I love you so so so so so so so so much!!!!! My church 'Anglican type' looks Con on the outside but there is so much crunch on the inside. A family of 10 extended breastfeeding and cosleeping, a total of 7 homebirths.

I'm with you all. There is nothing more Christian and loving in the world than APing.

That's interesting, I go to a traditional Anglican church and the moms there tend toward the AP side of the spectrum too.

[bluebirdiemama]

I understand where you're coming from, because I see the same things w the people I know. God and AP just don't seem to go together.
But, you are going to meet closed minded people in any group. Just because someone APs, doesn't mean they are consistently open minded. If you tell someone that you are a Christian, and they turn up their nose, you didn't want to be friends with them anyway.
On the flip side. You may open the eyes of your Christian friends by the way you and your dd interact w each other. I know a few people who have thought of me as some kind of freak because I CD, BW, BF, co sleep, etc, and then admire how well behaved and happy my kids are... lol.

Also, don't assume someone won't respect you for your belief in God. People who are open minded realize that everyone looks for an expression of their spirituality. They don't have to agree with you, but they can still respect you.