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post #1 of 61
Thread Starter 
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post #2 of 61
Here is what I would do:

1) Tell everyone to go away/shut up. Get rid of the negativity. Hang up the phone, ignore the emails, etc. They can't make this choice for you, they aren't supporting you or offering concrete assistance, and they're making it worse.

2) Get the facts. Figure out what your rights are and how to exert them. Research what the hospital can do and what it has done in the past. Consider finding a legal advisor, at least so you have a name and number in case things get hairy.

3)You mention you feel worried about the baby. The NST test itself would not concern me enough to avoid it over instinctual worry for the baby. I would go in, prepared.


What I see in your post is that you feel some niggle of worry for your baby, but you're scared to do an NST b/c the hospital might gain some control over you. So IMO, finding out exactly what they can do and what you can do might relieve the stress and put the control back in your hands, where you can make the decision on what is best for your baby.
post #3 of 61
I don't technically belong in this forum, but had to say something.

Your midwives told your SISTER about your medical information? Are they aware that it's a HIPPA violation to do that?

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this though. It feels so yucky to have unsupportive people around. you. If you think the test would reassure you, then go have it. If not, then don't. Don't let anyone bully you into something you may regret.
post #4 of 61
I would tell the mw's that due to their unprofessional and ILLEGAL activity (in telling your sister anything about you) you are going with another care provider who you feel is better qualified to handle your care. Tell your family members the same thing and that you will be in contact when the baby is born. Then disappear, no e-mails, calls, visitors just stay home with your hub and find out what your baby needs. Once their drama is diffused decide what to do from there.
post #5 of 61
Thread Starter 
toning it down.
post #6 of 61
Thread Starter 
toning down my stuff here.
post #7 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katie34 View Post
BEcause now dh is all freaked out and wanting me to calm his family down. I WANT to tell everyone to screw off. They are giving me all this crap. And essentially- trying to tell me to do violence to my OWN body and baby! Is what I think.
My dh's mom said on the phone just now- if something goes wrong with the bbay and you put my son at risk of responsibility for that I will NEVER forgive you.
HEr husband gets on the phone and says- you are putting this baby at risk- this is so wrong of you.
I am saying- hang up the phone, tune everyone out. DH is saying- I can't do that, I don't want to do this if our familly isn't supportive.
I am like- I didn't even want them to know in the first place.

I feel like peopl are going to come to my house and drag me and my womb and my body somewhere against my will. argh!
This is nuts, this fear I am getting from everyone. I hate this. I wish I just hadn't answered the phone today



That does sound like a very stressful and hurtful situation. ITA that your DH needs to be a team with you. Can you check to see if the book "Toxic Parents" is at your local library? Maybe you two can read it and develop a game plan. It sounds like these relatives need some hard, fast boundaries.
post #8 of 61
I saw this in new posts and I'm not a UCer, so please take this into consideration. I would go in and get the test for your peace of mind and for your husband. If all is well, it will put you in a really good space to welcome the baby. If it's not all well, you'll be where you and your babe can get the best care possible. Try and remember that the concern is coming from a place of love. It's hard to keep that in mind, but if they didn't all love you and your husband and your baby so much, they wouldn't be worried. I had a homebirth and got lots of fun concern from my family and ILs, so I kind of know what you're going through. I had wonderful midwives though and I trusted them and their experience and wisdom.

post #9 of 61
I saw this in new posts, too, and I hope all is well with you. I didn't UC, but I understand the perspective.

my 2nd & 3rd babes were born 42w5 and 43w1 - I had bpp at 42w3 with both. it eased ALL of my fears and irrational feelings-based-on-society. dd2 was perfect and born 2 days later in tub. dd3 had marginally low fluid. my bp was going up. I started getting nervous. I had multiple NSTs after that point, (my midwife had a machine, that she brought to me and left it for 2 days). then I started having meconium discharge. when her heart rate began having regular decels, while I was still not in active labor, we all agreed the time had come to go to hospital. BUT *I* knew something was wrong. I ended up with a traumatic cs, but I can live with that because I know there was something wrong, and it was MY choice to go to hospital when I did. I know that if there were another pregnancy for me, I would do the same: nothing til about 42 weeks, then do NST and probably bpp. they aren't foolproof, but they do help with the fears.

I think that if you are asking for advice, and you have a tiny fear nagging in the back of your mind, you should have the test - the midwife backup plan is worth it, but only if you can get past your current concerns.

disconnect the phone - lie about your dates - whatever you have to do ...
post #10 of 61
I'm not doing a UC, but I saw this on the front page. First I would unplug/turn off the phone. Do what you and husband feel you should do, not what your family thinks you should do. This is your baby and your husband's baby, no one else's. Second, report the midwife. I'm pretty sure giving out medical information about anyone (unless you indicated on your paperwork they could share results with certain people) is a HIPPA violation.
post #11 of 61
I sent you a PM. My daughter was in a similar situation. Only when she made a solid decision and let go of the stress did she go into full labor. She submitted to the NST at the hospital and everything was fine but they said it was against AMA for her to leave. She didn't know her rights and was afraid to leave. She should have left and you need to be prepared to leave as well if you choose to make that decision. My advice is to know your rights (likely the OB cannot drop you for 30 days and would be in trouble for patient abandonment if he does). Second, any emergency room will take you if you choose to stay home but fear that something is going wrong. If you do go for the NST and everything is fine, you can leave and reassure family that all is well. Once off your back, relax and let nature take its course. Remember that this OB and midwives are likely more concerned about possible litigation if something goes wrong and that is most likely the main reason for the pressure.

One last piece of advice, if you go for the NST, eat a lot before you go. They likely won't let you eat or drink at the hospital. If they already have a section in mind for you, a full tummy my influence them.
post #12 of 61
One last thing. It is a hipaa violation. When this is all said and done and you've had some time to enjoy your baby report the violation. You have 180 days to file:

http://www.hhs.gov/ocr/privacy/index.html
post #13 of 61
i would unplug the phones, take the batteries out, tune everyone out and just you and dh talk. talk the fear back out of him. then make a game plan. i agree with a pp, tell them you found another midwife, and she was just angry about it and trying to cause drama. then sternly tell them that they had their chances to bring their babies intot he world, now please respect mine. we will not harm the baby, and instead of being (hmm, lets find a nice word) rude and disrespectful, (and ignorant) they should be respectful of your decision, and take the rest to god. pray and freak out in your own house.
then i would release nothin to them until baby is here. and if they disapprove, shut them out for a few days, they will come around.
also- hippa the crap out of that miw. i wouldnt do the test either. thats everyone elses fear and intimidation talking to you. be strong momma, and take your husband back. talk to him, and make him realize what they are doing. i am so very sorry they are being rude asses.
post #14 of 61
uhm, and i would also throw this in their faces: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
1 Corinthians 13:4-5

im not afraid to throw the God card at anyone in my family. my life is based on my faith. and my faith is based on my God. and nobody wants to argue with God, now do they?
post #15 of 61
Thread Starter 
l
post #16 of 61
aww momma, im glad you and dh got back on the same team. and everything kinda sorta is working out. deep breath, the struggles are to make us stronger i hope it goes smoothly from here on out for you
post #17 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by KristaDJ View Post
I would tell the mw's that due to their unprofessional and ILLEGAL activity (in telling your sister anything about you) you are going with another care provider who you feel is better qualified to handle your care. Tell your family members the same thing and that you will be in contact when the baby is born. Then disappear, no e-mails, calls, visitors just stay home with your hub and find out what your baby needs. Once their drama is diffused decide what to do from there.


And a question- are you sure of your dates? Not just your LMP but when you ovulated? I ask because if you base your EDD on your LMP you could be way off...and I know with my MW's they really wanted to take my LMP due date and use that but it would have been 7!!! days early because I didn't ovulate until cycle day 21. I take every day I can get because I tend to go late with my babes as well. Sorry if this doesn't pertain.

I hope that you have a beautiful birth and I will be thinking of you~~ sending out labour vibes your way~~. Big hugs!
post #18 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by adbayer View Post
i wouldnt do the test either. thats everyone elses fear and intimidation talking to you.
Major
post #19 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katie34 View Post
Thanks guys!
skepticalmother what did you mean about being careful and being watched on the boards? Isn't UC still legal?!
IDK what skepticalmother might have been referring to, but I will tell you that there are a lot of UC naysayers who attentively watch this board for whatever reason. I know of a more private UC forum. PM if interested.
post #20 of 61
Thread Starter 
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