OMGoodness, 1-2-3 Magic has saved my life (or hers)

[AileenM]

OK, so I know that it's not the most GD book, because it's more of a 'timeout' centered approach, but for those of us struggling with short tempers+3 year old tantrums (as I have seen this week that many of us are) this may be one answer. For me, an important part of any discipline is being able to keep calm. I have a very bad temper, and the complete meltdowns were starting to bring about screaming and once in a while spankings. I was totally losing it, and had no idea what to do (you may recall my post last week). I started this program, and seriously, the first day it worked. The second day it worked better. Today, I only got to 3 three times! (one was an automatic 3 for lying) Plus, DD going to timeout for the set amount of minutes that it tells you to do eliminates the frustrating "I'm sorry" that I know she doesn't mean and is just saying to get out of timeout 2 seconds after she goes there. She knows that she has to sit in time out for 3 minutes, until the timer goes off. Knowing that she'll be in timeout for a full 3 minutes gives me 3 minutes to cool down, and not be reactionary to her. I'm not lecturing her, not nagging, not spanking and not screaming. So far, so great!

[sgmom]

Are you talking about counting from 1-3 and using a time out method?

http://naturalchild.org/guest/pam_leo2.html

I just wanted to caution you that even though a method works, that doesn't mean it's healthy. That said, I don't know your situation and I'm glad that you found something that works for you! Sometimes a child needs a cool down period before you can reconnect and deal with the problem rather than the solution, and while I myself don't count or do time outs, I know that this can be very effective to some children (and easy for some parents).

Gentle discipline is not always easy. There are other options though (like time-in), and we're all here to help you if you want to explore them.

Edited to add: There is a bunch of good articles under "articles" then "gentle guidance" at the top of that link.

[Laur318]

as a nanny i have to follow mom's discipline with her 4 kids. this method work, but the little ones started crying in timeout a lot and i dont think thats helpful. i think it isolates them from the other rather than getting them to reflect on what they did. 1-2-3 seems to help, as does the "timeout for as many minutes as you are years old"

[EFmom]

I swear by this book. My elder dd was an attorney-in-training from day one, and this book revolutionized our lives. No more power struggles, no more arguments, no more yelling, and dd learned a little self-control.

[AileenM]

Like I said, it might not be the most gentle solution for some, but for those of us with a history of a bad temper who are just trying to get through this tantrum stage, it can really help. It's better than losing it and screaming or spanking all the time, right? I was really suggesting it for those of us over this past week or so who seem to have a common history of anger issues/history of being abuse victims as a way to avoid violence and screaming. Thanks for the suggestions though, ladies.

[AileenM]

Originally Posted by EFmom

I swear by this book. My elder dd was an attorney-in-training from day one, and this book revolutionized our lives. No more power struggles, no more arguments, no more yelling, and dd learned a little self-control.

And I could say the same about my DD. SHe is definitely a debate champ!