Mamas W/ BP Kids

[VisionaryMom]

I just need a place to commiserate with others. DS is having a really rough time right now. He attacked DD today for some small reason (I think she wouldn't look at him or something along those lines). He got into an argument with a friend and said, "I'll cut your head off and throw it in the garbage can." I totally didn't handle that well because I just wanted to get DS out of there (we were at someone else's house), but looking back his poor friend was horrified. Of course I'm the bad guy always. This is his depressed state. I know it will pass, but I hate it because I know how angry it feels inside to be this way. I also know others judge him and our parenting. I just want to cuddle up with him and never let go.

[joyluc]

Momma couldn't read without posting . My DS was dx'ed with BP but it has been changed to Major Depression. I understand about wanting to cuddle up with DS and not let him go. DS said really hateful things at family therapy today . Hang on, you are the parent your DS needs.

[Satori]

we recently adjusted my BP1 dd's meds for depression/severe irritability and its really helped. Any chance your son needs his meds adjusted?

[VisionaryMom]

He is med-free. We do use some herbs for sleep, and we've been working on meditation. I want to hold off on meds for as long as possible, but I think we're nearing the end of that period. He says his brain is "going too fast." He's been commenting a lot lately about his brain keeping him from saying what he wants or having too many things going on in his head.

[Satori]

Originally Posted by VisionaryMom

He is med-free. We do use some herbs for sleep, and we've been working on meditation. I want to hold off on meds for as long as possible, but I think we're nearing the end of that period. He says his brain is "going too fast." He's been commenting a lot lately about his brain keeping him from saying what he wants or having too many things going on in his head.

I really fought meds and held off until dd was 8 and I just couldn't take it anymore and had to have her removed from our home for 3 months due to her aggression level. I now regret I waited so long to try meds, a lot of damage was done to both the mother/daughter bond and general social skills behavior since dd's BP got in the way of being able to interact appropriately with other children. I tried everything possible before meds but when its BP, you can only do so much. I look at it this way, if he was diabetic, would you deny him insulin? Meds for BP are no different. Its both a matter of quality of life and life itself. BP mood swings are hell no matter which way you look at it and there's meds that can help. For us Lamictal was our answer, it works with no side effects but I know many are not so lucky and need other meds but its one of the lowest risk meds out there and works fantastic of those who tend more towards depression rather then mania.

[UptownZoo]

I can really understand the desire to hold off on meds. It's a very scary thing to do. However, the thing to remember (and the thing that NEVER makes it into all those terrible news stories about how we're "drugging" our kids) is that the illness itself is damaging, as in it actually changes the structure of the brain over time. Plus, the longer the illness goes unimpeded, the more entrenched the maladaptive behaviors become, so the more difficult they can be to change once you do get him to a place of stability. Not to mention all the damage done to relationships and self-concept! Also, it's very hard to tell with young kiddos when they're delusional, but when anyone is delusional that can be dangerous if they believe in super powers. Carter, thank God, when severely manic, most often believes that he has super spit. That's kinda funny, seriously gross (he spits on EVERYTHING), and annoying, but not dangerous. When he believed he had super speed during one episode, though, that was really scary because he told me he could run faster than the cars.

I think that in those chaotic moments/times, sometimes the only thing you can even hope to do is keep everybody safe. We have a safe room in our house where either DH or I can take Carter (he's our youngest, 7, and our only child with bpd) and lock the door. He can still hurt us, but at least we know there's nothing in there that he can use (nothing heavy or sharp) to do real damage. Of course, right now he's only 55 pounds. As he gets bigger and heavier, things will change. Thankfully, he's stable right now (For the first time in over a year. Yay!), but the pendulum will swing.

Oh, and as lousy as this solution is, when Carter is very symptomatic, I keep him home except for school where they're equipped to manage his outbursts. I don't want him to get a reputation among other children as a scary kid, which of course he can definitely be. Also, it's easier to keep him safe at home. Once, he tried to jump out of our car when we were going 65 mph on the freeway and I can't count the number of times I've had to restrain him when we were out (always terrified of someone calling the police, of course) because he tried to hurt himself or destroy something. At home, I can lock the doors and wear the keys, lock up the knives, and hang onto my butt until DH gets home or Carter gets calm.

[joyluc]

My son is really grateful for the meds, it is his first glimpse of a non-depressed life in so long. He has been really compliant as the meds are adjusted except for Seroquel which sedated him so much he took himself off it. I am grateful that the meds are reducing his suicidal thoughts and actions.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by UptownZoo

I can really understand the desire to hold off on meds. It's a very scary thing to do. However, the thing to remember (and the thing that NEVER makes it into all those terrible news stories about how we're "drugging" our kids) is that the illness itself is damaging, as in it actually changes the structure of the brain over time.

Yeah, I know, but I've taken meds on and off since pre-puberty, and I know what damage it's done to the rest of my body, too. Quality of life with BP for me is a tough balancing act, so I'd like to hang on w/ DS as long as possible. I feel pretty sure that within a year, he'll be on meds, and it just makes me so sad.

Right now he's only 35 pounds, so he doesn't intimidate physically when he's raging. We've been called from preschool twice. Once he choked someone and left handprints. Apparently it took 2 teachers to remove him from the other child. The other time he convinced 3 other kids to all beat up one kid together.

He's killer with his words when he's raging, though. He just says awful, awful things - sometimes I don't even know how he knows to say that or where he got it - like the "I'll cut off your head" comment. WTH?

[RiverTam]

I don't have advice, just sympathy.

My brother was a kid with bipolar. It's very, very, very tough.

Hang in there.

[UptownZoo]

Originally Posted by VisionaryMom

Yeah, I know, but I've taken meds on and off since pre-puberty, and I know what damage it's done to the rest of my body, too. Quality of life with BP for me is a tough balancing act, so I'd like to hang on w/ DS as long as possible. I feel pretty sure that within a year, he'll be on meds, and it just makes me so sad.

Right now he's only 35 pounds, so he doesn't intimidate physically when he's raging. We've been called from preschool twice. Once he choked someone and left handprints. Apparently it took 2 teachers to remove him from the other child. The other time he convinced 3 other kids to all beat up one kid together.

He's killer with his words when he's raging, though. He just says awful, awful things - sometimes I don't even know how he knows to say that or where he got it - like the "I'll cut off your head" comment. WTH?

I'm so sorry! I know it's unbearably difficult, but only as a mother, not as a sufferer. I have a brutal history of major depression, but it's infinitely easier to treat. I didn't mean to presume; it's just that here, on MDC, a lot of people come around who are just determined to go no-meds for a variety of reasons, w/o really understanding the implications. I think it's always, always this terrible cost/benefit analysis and I try to point that out, but most people don't understand that the illness is just as, and usually more, dangerous than the meds. Of course, as parents, we have to make the decision that's most right for our children and I want everyone to have all the available information (limited though it may be) before they make those decisions.

How old is your DS? My DS choked a younger child at daycare last summer; two kids came running to get me, and the teacher and I had a real struggle getting Carter off the other little boy. I can't believe the other family didn't sue the daycare or me personally! I was the director of the daycare and ended up having to kick my own kid out of my own daycare.

And the words. OMG, I can't believe where my little boy will go when he's raging. It's brutal.