Child support question and contempt question

[Avani]

My ex was finally ordered to pay child support after 3 years of nothing. He was ordered to pay a minimal amount based on minimum wage because he said he is unemployed. So he is 7 months behind, has never paid a cent of it and we filed contempt for it. Well he is now asking that support be modified to him paying nothing at all because he is now a full time student. My question is do judges really take away the obligation to support children because a parent goes to school? He has zero custody. And geez if they do then what if he decides to become a career student and then i never get the support?

For the contempt question, my ex filed 36 counts of contempt against me. 36 times we missed his phone calls. He doesn't say anything about us calling him back when we missed them. He has filed two emergency ex parte hearings in the past week, saying we aren't taking his calls. My lawyer proved this isn't true but the judge agreed to give him a hearing on the contempt. Anyone know what the contempt is all about? What kind of charges or what could happen? My lawyer has never done contempt before so has to go study up on it. So great to finally have settled the court stuff and now ex pulls us back in every week or so. The one actually raising the kids alone has nothing better to do with her time anyhow.

Thanks for any input.

[ece602]

No advice just hugs, I am so sorry you are going through this.....again!

[MariesMama]

As for the child support, I've NEVER heard of a judge giving two (*&(s whether you're in school full time and not able to pay support. Most people work while they're in school. Nuff said.

Were they scheduled phone calls that you missed? Or just him calling whenever he felt like it?

[Avani]

It's court ordered but he is supposed to call at 7 and he never does. It usually is around 7:30 or 8 he calls and by then the kids are sick of waiting to see if he is going to call and then we are on to bath time and homework. But when he does call we call back. I just don't see how the judge even approves his motion to file the contempt. Plus reducing child support he already doesn't pay.

[luv-my-boys]

Can I make a suggestion...have him call a cell phone. That way you have Proof (monthyly itemized statement) of when/time/length of his calls plus you have proof that you have attempted calling him or that the kids talked to him.

[Theia]

I agree with the cell phone suggestion. Although my itemized cell phone bill only shows incoming calls as "incoming" the number they are from is not on the bill. Only outbound calls show the number on the bill. So IDK, YMMV.

Also, I had a friend who had CS lowered to $50/month per child based on fathers income being low. But many states require a period of time to pass before CS can be adjusted. I know in some states it's 2 years. So I think he is unlikely to get off with paying nothing. He became a student after he knew he had responsibility for his children. At some point states can revoke your drivers license or passport privileges if you get too far behind on CS.

I hope the judge throws out his contempt because it is retaliation. I am sorry that this struggle is on-going for you.

[betterparent]

Being a student can get him out of future child support and lower the amount he has to pay in arrears to pay what he already owes. Sucks, but true!

For contempt he will probably bring in his phone bill saying he called, but they will also say that he called at the wrong time. You should probably bring in a phone bill that shows you called back. Depending on the judge and all you could get fined.

[Avani]

Interesting. So basically the man can get out of his obligation to support his kids by being a student. I am a full time student but somehow i can't escape my obligation, not that i would want to! Truly unbelievable. He hasn't paid a thing in over three years, the judge already ordered minimal support from him which he is 7 months behind on. He states he is unemployed and lives with his mom, he recently had another child with someone else. We subopened his bank records which showed nothing. Well the man truly has figured out a way to escape all responsibilities to the kids and how to keep harrassing me my pulling me in and out of court every month with different demands and threats. As happy as i am that left him, he really did figure out how to keep punishing me for leaving him.

We do use a cell phone and we did submit all the records to prove he always called late or not at all. The funnier part is that his mom keeps calling during his phone time and tells the kids that dad is busy at school so she is calling in his place and then their dad calls during that time and the kids miss his call while talking to his mom. I can prove it all it is just such a ridiculous mess to keep getting pulled into court. I have the sole responsibility of all the kids and when i have to run to kinko's at 9pm at night with several little kids who have school the next day just to fax, sign, copy things for my lawyer because my ex decides to ex parte us with 24 hour notice over ridiculous things...see what i mean? When will a judge see through his crap?

[cycle]

This was a game that my son's bio dad played with the phone calls so I had it written in that he had a 15 minute window to call, that is the standard for forfeiting an in person visitation. My attorney treated the calls as if they were an in person visitation so if he was 15 minutes late in his calls I didn't have to take them. The judge probably just wants to make sure you are not really preventing him from talking to the kids. Your ex is just trying to make you miserable and take the focus off of himself. As far as not paying child support because he is in school, my son's father tried this too and the judge said an income would be imputed based on his current education and experience. He could not get out of cs because he was a student. Bio dad has since terminated his rights by the way so I don't have to deal with any of it but I went through a lot of what you are, all while he never saw my son, never paid child support but was still able to harass me through the courts for a while.

[Rosehip]

Originally Posted by Avani

Interesting. So basically the man can get out of his obligation to support his kids by being a student.

Not necessarily. I had this addressed in my agreement. My X will never be able to pay less than what he currently pays even if he goes back to school (which he has done) and his income drops (which will happen if he makes a job switch that he is planning to make). Sure, I suppose that if some extraordinary, terrible circumstances were to befall him that were truly out of his control, and he could demonstrate that he had indeed gone to great lengths to try to find reasonable employment, etc., it's possible a judge would change things. But generally, in my state, no.

[pranamama]

maybe you can go back to court and have the phone calls changed to children can call father at will, rather than going back to court all the time.

[Avani]

That i love, but they wouldn't ever call him. They do not like talking to him at all. The thing is that almost four years ago he was ordered phone call visits and he never took them or visited them either. Then a year ago he slowly started randomly calling and now since i won the restraining order he is calling more often but is still really late and he misses a lot of the calls. I have requested different phone times and that the children call him when they are ready not the other way around but the judge denied it. Not sure why. Im going to put in another request with the contempt hearing, seems like good timing. Apparently a judge can't understand why at 7 pm at night a bunch of small children are busy with bath times, homework, eating dinner etc and aren't interested in talking on the phone.

As for the child support i just don't see how he gets away with already not paying the minimal support ordered and then goes on to putting himself in school in a totally different field of work instead of gaining employment with his current skills and the children get no support. He was ordered based on minimum wage and his current skills get him way more then that. I wonder how low the judge will go.

[Avani]

Thanks for the insight and support. I realize now that my ex believes the courts are on his side so using them to mess with me must feel good to him. He was given unsupervised visits even though he violated several court orders and still has never attended the batterer's program. Our court specifically says he can not have more visitation until he completes it and yet the judge overlooked it. So now he thinks he is the king, and with the same judge preceding over everything he continues his tirade. The thing is one of us actually has children to raise and doesn't have the extra time and energy to run around preparing for court every week.

[MissLotus]

I hear you, mama. He shirks all responsibility, and yet the court bends over backwards to accomodate him. You have full responsibility, but there are no loopholes for you! Not fair in any way at all. All I can say is, you've got the kids and a relationship with them your ex will never have.

[DirtRoadMama]

If the judge missed the no visitation before completing the batterers program, I would bring it to his attention.

Do you have a lawyer, or are you representing yourself?

[Avani]

I have a lawyer. The judge knows the previous orders but he overrode them. Ex still has not done the batterer's program. My lawyer is probono so i can't always get what i ask of her. Like filing for contempt because he hasn't done the program. Or asking for all my belongings back. Some things she does, others she doesn't. If i had some money i would hire a lawyer who could go in and kick some a$$ for me. Get my belongings, call him out on not doing the program or paying support. The judge ordered my ex gets the kids where he lives, far from me, for spring break. That puts the kids in a home with three convicted(felony) narcotics offenders and at risk of being around a grandfather who was convicted of kidnapping and raping a mentally retarded child. That is how screwed up the legal system is.

[provocativa]

This all sucks and I look forward to it in my future. Can you at least get on the hunt for a printer with copy and fax capabilities? I was given mine, it's crap but it does those 3 and I can refill the ink for cheap. Maybe haunt craigslist or freecycle for one.

[Avani]

Yes great idea. That would save me $20 per kinko's trip and my time and energy. Too bad i couldn't fit that into the divorce agreement.

Don't look forward to this, put no energy into it whatsoever. It truly helps to stay positive and know that the best possible outcome is what is meant to be, even if it doesn't feel that way.

[Thao]

That's shocking, how the judge is handling your case. I believe you have the right to ask for a different judge, have you looked into that?

In my state, at least when the mother is on state assistance, if the father makes the choice to go back to school his child support is calculated based on his earning capacity, not his actual earnings. So he still has to pay the amount he would have been paying if he had a job.

Many states have websites that give legal information. If your attorney is too busy, maybe you could surf those to learn your rights?

[Avani]

As far as changing judges you have to prove out right discrimination beyond unreasonable doubt. As shocking as the judges choices are, he is well known in San Diego County for being this way. My lawyer says that he has given custody to many abusers even with alot of evidence etc. If i had the money and the manpower i would be all over it. But i have children to care for and with my ex not paying child support and now trying to get it eliminated, i have to work that much harder.At this point i have to wait for my ex to screw up, hopefully not at the children's expense, before i can go any further. Thanks for the input on the calculations. I hope it stays the same considering his is already based on minimum wage.