Thats it, I'm DONE...she needs to nap on her own!!

[kdescalzi]

Mamas,

I am so angry and frustrated right now. DD is almost 10mos and only naps in a carrier. I had made peace with it and was just going with the flow, however I feel I am never really there for my ds who is 3. I am always bouncing dd and telling ds be quiet your sister is trying to sleep. My whole day is a series of getting dd to fall asleep and then stay asleep while I try to have some time for my ds. I am done...today she will not stop freaking out as I try to paint with ds ( heaven forbid I stop bouncing) or she freaks because I have to bend down to help ds poop or put on clothes. I am done!! I want her to nap alone so that I can truly be with my son. What can I do??...right now she is crying in her swing and I am sorry to say I don't feel bad, just angry and resentful. She will sometimes sleep in her swing but she is getting a bit old for it. She has never slept in her crib. We co-sleep all night. Please help, I need my space for some bonding with my son! Last night my son was pretending to have a carrier on and told me he couldn't play on the floor with me because he had lily on him....something he hears all too often!!

[honeybunmom]

My son is this way and he will be 12 mos two weeks from today. The only reprieve is that once asleep in the carrier, he's asleep. I don't have to have 4 yr old dd tip toe around so that he stays asleep. However, put him in his crib and he'll scream bloody murder. This was not how it was 6 mos ago when I went back to work. He took 2 great naps a day. And then papi became primary care giver. And now, ds takes all his naps in papi's lap or in the car seat.

So, when I am off from work during the week before Easter, I will be helping ds transition back to going to sleep in his crib on his own. Even as recently as Christmas, he would go down when my mom put him to nap. We won't do CIO, but, I will be persistent and firm in comforting him through this. And, I'm making him a heavy baby and a quilt to help his transition. I have noticed that he tends to sleep more soundly when I put his sheep skin in the bed, so, I'm hoping that the warmth of the heavy baby (it will be filled with cherry pits and wool and can be popped in the microwave) will help him. He loves to hug is sister's dolls, so, hopefully he'll take to a lovey. Dd never did. She's a thumb sucker for comfort. I transitioned her back to her crib at 14 mos (although she would take naps there prior to that time - mainly, I imagine, because she had another caregiver who wouldn't have her take naps in their lap).

Bottom line, I think if you're ok with her crying in her swing, maybe you are now ok with the crying that will surely come if you try to transition her to napping in her crib. Taking advantage of her natural down times is a good place to start. If she's over tired or over stimulated when you're trying to put her down, plus being in a separation anxiety phase, it'll just be a recipe for disaster. And resign yourself to the transition taking a number of days. If it takes only two, then bravo and go forth and enjoy your time with your other kiddo. If it takes longer, just remain committed. It's tough on mommy and baby, but, probably best for the both of you in the long run. Trust yourself to know if now is not the time for your child, as well.

[racheepoo]

I'm so sorry. My only thought is to have your partner spend time with the baby while you get one on one time outside the house with your son. I think maybe he's missing the alone time with you as much as anything.

[BirthKathy]

My husband and I just started working on this issue for our 10 month old son. The truth is, I haven't been giving the opportunity to sleep in his crib. When he was very small, he would fall asleep nursing and then I could move him.

For the last few months, he would sleep after nursing but if I try to move him, he wakes up. So I thought that meant that he would only sleep on me. His only naps were in my lap, and I went to bed with him every night in my bed. Well, we feel that he needs to learn to go to sleep without nursing.

So we are putting him in his crib every night now to start out the night. We sit with him and talk to him, rub his forehead, and read books. In the course of a week, he has gone from screaming and spinning around in the crib for 45 minutes (we stayed right with him, and all his needs were definitely met) to laying quietly for 15 minutes before falling asleep. And, he went to bed earlier last night than he has for months (9:30). Once he wakes up from his first stretch, I bring him to bed to feed him and will only put him back to his crib asleep. So he's still getting lots of snuggly time.

The added benefit of this is that now that he's used to the idea of going to sleep in his crib, we're starting to work on naps. My sister is visiting this week and she just took him up to his room for a nap. He went down in 15 minutes of reading with just a few whimpers. A few weeks ago, I didn't think it was even possible.

Because my son has a bad case of eczema on his face, we are swaddling in the Miracle Blanket to keep him from scratching. This probably is helping him get to sleep also (or at least associate sleep with the blanket).

I wonder if a week of work on napping will get you out of the cycle. Good luck, I know this is really tough!

ETA: My sister said he really liked a foot massage!

[LadyCatherine185]

Around 10 months my DS transitioned to one nap a day. Have you tried changing her schedule around a little? I would definitely work on getting her to sleep other ways (maybe laying with her and nursing on the bed and rolling away?) than the carrier/bouncing. We also around that age transitioned from using the rocking chair for naps, to nursing in bed. I was like you-- DONE with the rocking. I would also work on one-on-one time with your DS in the evenings when your DP is home, if possible.

[kdescalzi]

I can't nurse and roll away because if she falls asleep nursing she has to have the nipple in her mouth the whole nap. Also there is no opportunity to have quiet nursing time when my 3 yr old is running and jumping around. My problem is that she will fall asleep and stay asleep on my back in the ergo, BUT if she falls asleep nursing there is no transfering her EVER! I really don't know what to do. I tried all morning to get her to sleep in her swing but she was very upset. Once I got ds down for his nap, I nursed her and she fell right to sleep on my lap. An hour later, I am still sitting on the couch with a sleeping baby attatched to my boob!

[MeredithK]

I have found with napping in the swing, I had to do a couple of things. First, I had to make sure that DS wasn't upset when I put him in there. I made it really fun to go in there. Made silly faces or noises. Then, when he got in there, I actually had to push the swing a little so that his head was actually moving. Kind of like what happens when you are walking around with them. I just keep on doing that until he falls alseep. If he fusses while falling asleep, I actually stop the swing and move the swing myself back and forth only a couple of inches (Harvey Karp talks about this in the Happiest Baby book). It kind of resets DS. Then we turn back on the swing and start again.

The biggest thing I found with the swing is that if he gets upset, he's going to stay upset.

I wish I had more advice, but that's pretty much what I have to do to get DS to sleep on his own.

[Katie T]

Hugs it can be stressful some times. Don't give up on trying to move once she is sleeping, my DD2 was like that & still there are times when I pull the nipple out of her mouth she will let a cry out in her sleep and then fall back asleep. Also sometimes more so in the beginning I would try and pull the nipple out and she would instantly wake up and I would lay right back down and she would nurse to sleep and I would give her a little more time to get into a deeper sleep.

I don't know if that helps you at all with your little one but wanted to give ya a little hope. I changes so much as they age as I'm sure you remember, but it feels like it will forever be like this when your in the moment.

Also I didn't have my other children be quiet when the baby was sleeping so they would learn to sleep with the noise. Would your DD fall asleep with the noise level that is normal for your home?

[claddaghmom]

What about a car ride? You can have a conversation w/ your 3yo and the baby can fall asleep.

[LadyCatherine185]

Why not keep her up until your 3 year old falls asleep, then nap with her while she is napping. Make a family "quiet time" at the same time everyday. If she needs more sleep, put her to bed earlier. When my DS dropped his afternoon nap (he still takes a late morning nap) he started going to bed around 6. He started going to sleep MUCH easier when we started this routine.

She isn't a tiny newborn anymore, and if you need things to change don't feel bad if she protests. Try Pantley-Pull-Off, or different ways of getting her to sleep and transferring. Even if it means some tears, if you are there with her it is not CIO.

Have you looked into reflux or food allergies for her sleep troubles? It sounds like it takes a LOT to get her to go to sleep and stay asleep, which seems like a baby who is uncomfortable. How does she sleep at night?

[kdescalzi]

Thank you for the replies. DD hates the car and will scream or protest while driving....there is no such thing as napping in the car. I don't think there is anything medically wrong with her except she has boobitis!!! She sleep ok at night and wakes to simply have the nipple put back in her mouth. She nevers cries at night unless, heaven forbid mommy needs to pee or get a glass of water. If I am there and she has full access to the boob , she sleep ok.

[Asparagus78]

Originally Posted by kdescalzi

I can't nurse and roll away because if she falls asleep nursing she has to have the nipple in her mouth the whole nap. Also there is no opportunity to have quiet nursing time when my 3 yr old is running and jumping around. My problem is that she will fall asleep and stay asleep on my back in the ergo, BUT if she falls asleep nursing there is no transfering her EVER! I really don't know what to do. I tried all morning to get her to sleep in her swing but she was very upset. Once I got ds down for his nap, I nursed her and she fell right to sleep on my lap. An hour later, I am still sitting on the couch with a sleeping baby attatched to my boob!

I could have written this post 3 years ago with DS1 and I'm reliving it now with DS2 (even though I promised myself I wouldn't). I also find I get incredibly mad at DS1 when he wakes up DS2 by being his normal, happy self, and to be honest, it's quite poisonous right now. I know I need things to change, for DS1, myself, and the baby, who is so sleep-deprived right now. I'll be watching this thread!

[Pandme]

Same. exact. situation here. She needs to be held for naps (none of which are very long....30 minutes, but 5 or so of those a day) and myy 3 year old gets shafted. Plain and simple. He's ALWAYS getting snapped at, even just trying to give me a hug and a kiss (he climbs all over me as I hold her).

The reason I hold her is because that's when she gets in the quality nursing especially lately. She's cutting teeth and just latches on and off and squirms when awake.

[breezyleigh]

Sorry...I removed this because it was kind of CIO in a way.

[Oka-san]

Hugs! I can tell how frustrated you are – you want to give your sweet son his time too! I know how it feels.

Have you considered trying a pacifier for naps? My DS (almost 9 months) was the same way for a long time – would nurse to sleep and then only sleep on me. It was hard! So I started using a pacifier for him at nap time – after nursing all the milk and he starts to fall asleep while comfort nursing, I unlatch him, and when he roots for more I put the pacifier in his mouth and keep holding him in the same position until he falls fully asleep, and then he stays asleep while I transfer him to the crib. I guess it’s because he thinks he’s still nursing while and after I put him down. It took us a week or so to establish this routine and he would really sleep in the crib, but now it works like a charm, and I have that time to spend with my 4-year-old DD. She needs me too! You need to find a way to get this time with your DS.

HTH. Good luck in finding a solution!

[*Devon*]

I definitely suggest at least visiting with a chiro - they have worked some miracles with sleep in kids I've taken care of, and most are very knowledgeable about allergies and sensitivities as well. Even if your baby seems totally normal, you would be amazed what they can find!
Good luck!

[koalove]

ohhh mama im so sorry. its hard, i know. my ds, who is 8 moths, was doing that at night~ only in my arms. we recently got a crib and put him in it. there was crying, and im not a supporter of CIO,but yeah, we let him cry. i got him to sleep in my arms, then put him in the crib. he woke of course, and i just sat next to the crib, rubbed his back while he stood there screaming~ sang to him, talked softly etc. and eventually, he layed down and went to sleep. it took about 10 looooong minutes. he slept great. now, a week later, hes not crying at all when he goes in. sometimes hes awake when i put him in and he still goes to sleep. he fusses a little sometimes, and i just sit there and reassure him, and after a few minutes, he sleeping. im sooo happy we tried this because im happier and more rested, which makes us ALL happier.

[MangoMommy]

subbing, not because I have another young child who needs my attention, but because I have a 9 mo old who sleeps horrible and I'm at my wits end as well.

[kdescalzi]

Oka-san...I think your idea is awesome but dd will have none of it. I try to wait until she is really asleep and then slip in a paci (what I did with ds) but once she comes to a bit lighter sleep cycle she freaks. I try bouncing and shushing while I try to keep in the paci but she wants boob and nothing else. I could keep trying...I have a feeling consistency is not my strong point!! BUT at almost 10mo I think the whole paci ship has sailed...wdyt????

[mkksmom]

We do the stroller nap thing around here and we put the radio on so that there is constant noise. I homeschool my 5.5 yo dd and the problem we have with normal noise is that she will be working on something or reading quietly and then all of a sudden want to tell me something, run in and wake the baby.So there is no constant noise. We don't keep the tv on, so the radio definitely helps with that. I like the stroller for naps because if my older dd does wake her too early, I can walk her back down. It's also nice to walk around the block when the weather is nice. I did the stroller nap thing with my older dd because she hated her crib.