Children at birth - Page 2

[josie423]

My DS was 14 months old when DD was born and he was with us the entire time. It was great having him with me during labor and we had DH, the MW and her two assistants there, so I didn't have to care for him completely. I didn't get loud until the last few minutes and pushing went so quickly, I don't think he had time to be scared. When I started pushing he went in his pack n play right next to the bed and came out immediately afterwards. He was fascinated by the process and I am so, so glad he was there. Here are a couple pictures from very shortly after the birth: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...rstmeeting.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1.../babyhaven.jpg

I plan on having DS and DD present at this birth as well. I will be birth in the jacuzzi tub in our master bath which is open to our bedroom. We share the bedroom, and they have plenty to entertain themselves. We'll be able to pull the pack n play into the bathroom for DD if it's needed as well. DS is 28 months now and DD is 14 months.

[rosemarydawn]

This is exciting, I hadn't thought of letting my son be present at the birth (he will be 2.5 years), but along with a home water birth and planning to have the minimum of outside intervention, and with my love of babywearing and other 'alternative' stuff, and planning to tandem-nurse it just sounds like the natural thing to do!

Great, thanks for the ideas everyone.

I think I'll have my mum there to look after him anyway (I had previously thought I'd ask her to take him away), so that she can let him come and go as he feels (and I feel) comfortable.

The only thing is, he usually wants to nurse if he feels unsure of a situation and I'm wondering whether this might stall my labour - has anyone any experience of a nursing toddler present at the birth?

Thanks!

[Devaskyla]

My oldest son was my "birth photographer" for ds2's birth. He was nearly 4 though. Both of the boys woke up about an hour before ds3 was born, so they were both there for it. They were 7 & 3. Ds3 is 2 1/2 & will be nearly 3 when this baby is born. So far he's completely uninterested. I have been hoping to give birth quickly (& quietly) enough that none of the kids will be there, but I think ds1 would be really upset. He wants to be the first person the baby sees. Ds2 wants to be there as well, but I'm not sure how much that's because ds1 wants to be & how much he actually wants to be there.

I have no idea what's going to happen. Based on how fast my labour seems to go, it's quite possible it will be too quick for the kids to be there without deliberately waking them up.

[Itsasecret]

My older kids were at the birth of my fourth. They were 16yodd, 15yods, 10yods. I purposely pointed my business end away from the door and the MW kept my legs pretty well covered. My 16yodd was helping the MW so she saw it all, but the boys came in just at the end. I will never forget my mom talking about the looks on their faces. My 10yos was jumping up and down and muttering, "I'm a big brother. I'm a big brother." They have the most incredible bond with that baby.

I don't know about little ones, but there is definitely value in letting older kids attend a birth in a modest way.

[Mummoth]

Originally Posted by Itsasecret 

My 10yos was jumping up and down and muttering, "I'm a big brother. I'm a big brother." They have the most incredible bond with that baby.

I don't know about little ones, but there is definitely value in letting older kids attend a birth in a modest way.

Awww, that brought tears to my eyes!

My DS is 9, DD is 7 and they'll be at the birth... well, in the house somewhere. It's up to them if they come in the room for the birth. I hadn't thought of positioning myself so my privates are away from the door... that actually solves the problem of a spot for the midwife to put her supplies... there's a big windowsill there that's over a foot deep (our room is in the basement) and the kids could sit on the steps.

DS was at DD's birth... he was out of the room but came in right after. He said "A baby! Time for cake!" I'd bought a DQ cake for the baby's birthday and so that was the main event for him! 

[jayersgould]

As long as you treat birth as the normal and natural process that it is, allow you child to choose whether or not they want to be present.  Have an assigned caregiver available and let your child decide if they want to witness the birth or not. 

[SympatheticDad]

Comfort and safety issues aside (obviously, if the mom doesn't want the kid at the birth, the kid shouldn't be there) I personally think most kids younger than puberty are going to have a lot of trouble processing what's going on during a birth.  Even the most optimistic birth scenario involves the person they love most in the entire world bleeding quite a bit and, probably, crying out in pain.  It seems really unfair to me to put a kid through that.  

And god forbid they're in the middle of things if something should happen to go wrong.

My $0.02.

PS: And, because as a Dad I get to be completely unsentimental about these things, let's be honest: kids under 10 might as well be wearing a big sign on them that says "HI, I'M A DISEASE VECTOR."  At least let the new baby get a feeding or two in before exposing them to the siblings.

[Paigekitten]

DD1 was 21 months and was at the birth for  DD2.  It was very nice.  I did have my mother and my sister there to help her, and I needed to her to be out of the room at one point so I could get out of my mommy head and really focus on birthing.  We watched UC and homebirth youtube videos before hand and talked about how being noisy helps some mama's get the baby out, and it's hard work for a mama to push the baby out of her tummy.

 She asked to be there for this birth again.

It would have been incredibly upsetting to her to be sent away, and then to have her come back and find this baby in her home.  VERY upsetting.  Instead, she hopped into the birth pool with us and was cuddling right next to me as I latched her little sister on for the first time.

But then, every kid is different, and maybe for another child it would be more upsetting to be there, but I knew that wasn't the case for my daughter.

[HappyMommaBear]

I am 36 weeks with number 3, and planning on having both older siblings in the house when I give birth. 
When we had number 2, also a home birth, our son was 18 months old, and we planned for a friend (whose wife was attending the birth) to take care of DS along with his own children. The labor hit so suddenly and moved so quickly though, that by the time we got the friends on the phone I did NOT want my little boy leaving. I felt a very strong "Mother bear" instinct and just couldn't stand the thought of him being away. Through the early labor, he was surprisingly tuned in and calm. During contractions he'd come rub my back and talk about the baby coming. He ended up putting himself to sleep on the couch for the majority of the hard labor, and then wandered into the room moments before his sister was born. He was a little worried for a minute, because I was kind of vocal, but the moment the baby came he forgot all that. He was immediately right there talking to her, and he was able to hold her as soon as we were cleaned up and dressed. :) 
Though it was not our original plan, we loved the way it worked out. He was there for it all, so it wasn't a big traumatic thing to come home to a new baby. He was as happy and proud as could be.

This time, I have a 2 year old and a 3.5  year old. A friend who sometimes babysits for them will come and take care of them here. We plan to have books, toys, pillows, etc in the den so they can play or watch a movie or whatever while we wait on the baby.

It's definitely an individual decision but for us, it was a beautiful experience to share as a family.