Consequence for participating in egging a house and school?

[kay4]

I am at my wits end. We've have many challenges with our older dd and just recently began being able to trust her outside at the park. (she is 15) She was outside today and went with a 10 yo and her 8 yo brother to someones house after sneakign eggs out of our house and egged the house and then walked to the elem school and egged it. We are moving in 2 weeks and she said she wanted to have some fun before we moved. WTF??? According to my son (the 8 yo) she told him if he didnt go or told on her then he was a p@ssy and wimp so he went with them. This brings up 2 issues for me doing something wrong AND being a bad influnce on her younger siblings. I stayed calm and just told her that now i cannot trust her to be at the park without me and also talked to my son about standing up for things he knows is right and wrong regardless of what other say. I am just clueless on how to handle this!

[AAK]

If she were my dd, I would take her to the house & school--require to fess up and make amends. That may be simply cleaning, or it might be to pay the bill that they had because the egg damaged the paint or whatnot. Either way, she deliberately vandalized two properties. She should be held accountable.

Regarding her treatment of the younger children. That is tougher. Clearly she isn't responsible enough to be in charge of them and shouldn't be. It goes beyond being a bad influence. Name calling and scare tactics to get them to do what she wants--I would be very mad, but I am not sure exactly what I would do.

Amy

[EviesMom]

All the time before you leave, I think she should spend making amends. Classes she wanted to attend before moving, too bad, she has to clean up the school and house, do whatever the owners/principal want her to do to make restitution. Whether it's related to her damage or just something they want done.

On the younger sibling thing, I certainly wouldn't let her do anything involving younger children for a long time--no babysitting if she does that to make $, no playdates with younger friends. Maybe no seeing/talking to the 10 year old she took with her, for an extended amount of time? And let that kid's parents know too.

I only have much younger children though, so I may be off base. I just know that my younger brother did stuff like that and graduated up to lighting fires to the woods nearby and to dumpsters playing with matches.

[karne]

Are the police or other authorities involved in this? I know around here, that kind of vandalism is taken pretty seriously. My sense is that she, and your other kids are probably needing to be very accountable for their actions, and the people involved may have specific requirements of them in terms of restitution.

Also, this is a fairly antisocial and impulsive move for a 15 y/o. Are there other concerns?

[nextcommercial]

I would be more angry that she egged the house. Egg doesn't just come off. It leaves a stain that lasts forever until the owner repaints which will cost the homeowner a lot of money. Even if the homeowner scrubs the egg off, when you look at it years later, you will see the stain in the paint.

In Arizona, we have stucco walls. The neighbor kids egged a bunch of the homes in the neighborhood the year we all moved in. (it was a new neighborhood) and that was ten years ago. I drove through the old neighborhood a few weeks ago, and you could still see the discoloration on those homes that hadn't been repainted.

So, yes, your daughter needs to make amends somehow to at least the homeowner. But, in all honesty.. if I ever found out who egged my house (knowing what I know now) I'd probably call the police and press charges. So, keep that in mind if you decide to fess up.

[nextcommercial]

Also.. and this is pretty unrelated... but, it might give you some ideas.

When my daughter was in 8th grade, a "popular" boy at school thought it would be funny to PEE on an unpopular boy in front of the other kids during an outdoor pep rally.

A girl told one of the teachers, and she did some investigating.

The popular boy was expelled from school for ten or so days. But, every single school day, as soon as school got out, that boy was at school cleaning ALL the bathrooms in the school. He had to pay for his mom's magazines for her to read while she waited, and he worked for three hours every day with the janitors. It was his parent's idea, and they had to sell the school on it, but the parents weren't just going to let him sit at home feeling like the victim.

[hakeber]

Restorative justice is definitely the way to go, and she clearly cannot be trusted alone with her brother anymore.

[CarrieMF]

If she were my dd, I would take her to the house & school--require to fess up and make amends. That may be simply cleaning, or it might be to pay the bill that they had because the egg damaged the paint or whatnot. Either way, she deliberately vandalized two properties. She should be held accountable.

I agree with this. THe 8yo & 10yo need to be helping clean too, they don't get off just because it was her idea. How did she get the 10yo to go along with it?

[Oubliette8]

I would also talk to her about it. Find out exactly what she was thinking, and discuss why this is not acceptable to you. I can not imagine egging someones house, but I know when I was in high school, it was considered no big deal, or even good weekend fun by many kids- even otherwise normal well behaved teens! I even had one friend who's MOTHER would drive them to go tp houses. Apparently, in their family and with their group of frriends, it was an "honor" to get your house tp'd. It sounds flat out strange to me, but they honestly believed this. Sporking someone's lawn was also thought to be quite funny.

I wonder if she's been influenced by her peer group at school? 15 year olds do not always recognize the consequences of their actions, and if she's been listening to her peers, she may not realize what exactly is so upsetting. I would find out what she thinks, and then talk about WHY you are upset, what kind of damage egging can do to someones home, how expensive it is to fix, how hard it is to clean. Also bring up the fact that it is illegal. And have her think about how she would feel if a stranger damaged one of her prized belongings because they thought it was funny. I agree, there should be consequences, but I also think she needs to fully understand what went wrong here.

[kay4]

thank you all so much for your replies. After church tomorrow I am taking her to the person's house that she egged with a bucket/soap/etc and she is apologizing and cleaning the garage (where she said she egged)

We had a long talk today and she still feels it is just one of those things that would be fun to do. I talked to her about the consequences of being a bad influence on others etc. Everyone at the park likes her and they are mostly younger kids and that worries me that she is influencing them in bad ways.

[Ydolem]

Mine did this on the week we were to move with friends. We had him apologize, clean up the mess and mow their yard for a month. They were very nice about it. The could have called the police!! Over that month of dropping him off to mow they became very friendly and he developed more empathy for them and felt more responsible for it. Having to go back to the home and talk to these parents helped him realize that he didn't just egg some kids house. It is his PARENTS home too! I don't think he'd ever do it again.
~~Melody

[Storm Bride]

I committed an act of vandalism when I was 12. I was required to clean up and pay for repairs (out of my own pocket, and my money came from a paper route). It definitely left an impression, and I think it's the way to go.

With respect to her siblings, I don't know. I'll think about it, and if I have any ideas, I'll post them. Honestly, I'd be having sooooo much trouble keeping my cool, yk? That kind of egging on and name calling pushes all my buttons.

[SashaBreeze]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

When my daughter was in 8th grade, a "popular" boy at school thought it would be funny to PEE on an unpopular boy in front of the other kids during an outdoor pep rally.

A girl told one of the teachers, and she did some investigating.

The popular boy was expelled from school for ten or so days. But, every single school day, as soon as school got out, that boy was at school cleaning ALL the bathrooms in the school. He had to pay for his mom's magazines for her to read while she waited, and he worked for three hours every day with the janitors. It was his parent's idea, and they had to sell the school on it, but the parents weren't just going to let him sit at home feeling like the victim.

I wish I new these parents irl so I could shake their hand/hug them just generally thank them from the bottom of my heart. I was forced to sit in urine by an older boy when I was in 2nd grade, it really traumatized me. Nothing, other than a 2 day suspension, was ever done to him and he continued to terrorize me until I grew breast, then he wanted to date me. My childhood would have been very different had his parents responded the way the parents you wrote about did. Thank you for sharing this story.

OP I agree that you having her go to the house to make retribution is the way to go.