Legal Guardianship

[mamarhu]

Lawyer for my foster kids is suggesting offering "permanent legal guardianship" instead of adoption. Seems this would bypass the need for TPR trial, if bio-mom would agree.

I have heard the definition, but does anyone here know what it would look like in reality? Seriously, what would our lives look like? Would I be co-parenting with her?

I am 1/2 dreaming, 1/2 planning to live in rural China for a year or longer, after my teens are grown. My little ones would be 12 & 14 or so, and I think it would be a great experience for them. Would I have the freedom to be gone a year or two? Or what if I want to move from the area?

[AndVeeGeeMakes3]

This was suggested to us as well, and it's what we did do for the first year. There were definitely some benefits, financially, but other than that, it wasn't how we wanted to live. Her bmom would have retained visiting privileges, mandated at specified intervals by the state, rather than us working it out with bmom. Also, and this may not matter to you or be something you would feel, but I just felt like I was permanently babysitting. It felt, to us, like that would be leaving VeeGee forever in limbo.

In some cases that I've heard of, it is like co-parenting -- with the state more so than with bmom. But I don't know if that is a universal.

((((hugs))))

[Tigerchild]

Is there any chance you can talk privately with a family law attorney? I would ask them your questions, especially as it relates to a foster child.

Adoption, as you know, is permanent. Legal guardianship gives no real rights to the child, it ends at 18 unless they're legally incompetant. It also, in some states, is rather easily broken and changed, which I think that you might need to take that into consideration if you're planning an *international* move. It can be hard enough to get permission to move out of state, much less out of the country, and you may find it very difficult to get passports, ect. for all the children.

How do you see yourself with these kids? Do you want to be there in a legal way permanently? Do you want family ties with any children they might have, if there was a problem (if you were just a legal guardian, you would have nothing)? Do you want the kids to have access to your social security? Inheritance rights? Do you want to have full parental rights (you can move whenever and whereever you want)?

I think you need to pick your biggest areas of concern, and then pay for a half hour or hour time with a real attorney (I could see why you might not wish to ask about a dream international move with the children's lawyer in the middle of a TPR situation) to ask these what ifs. They may not be able to give you absolute answers, but they could probably give you some basic steps you'd need to do for moves/passports/ect.

Though...to be honest, I think you should also take into consideration the wishes of the children. They are little now....but as they move into the identity crisis/working out of the tween-teen years, will they see your "reluctance" to really adopt them as a breach of trust? Will they be able to exploit it in a way that might be dangerous to them?

Lots of things to think about, no easy answers. I think you're going to get the best answers from a local, totally unbiased and neutral lawyer who can give you an idea how things usually roll in your state. I would say that's worth a little financial sacrifice to get a consultation. Just come in with your biggest, concise concerns so you can make the most of that 1/2 hour!

[Polliwog]

Is Permanent Legal Guardianship in your state really PERMANENT? Or could their birthmother regain custody at some point. In my state, it's permanent. The guardians would have to be proven to be incompentent and even then, custody would likely go to another guardian.

I don't see why TPR hasn't already happened.

[mamarhu]

Originally Posted by Polliwog

I don't see why TPR hasn't already happened.

Harrumph.

It has been almost 3 years. Each child has their own lawyer, and lawyer for eldest boy, the one who was returned home, is now arguing that TPR will amount to Termination of Sibling Rights. And she is planning to take this to a Constitutional level. I heard that she has been waiting years for a case to fight this issue. To make her career. The thing is, I almost agree with her. I have been fighting since day one to have these kids reunited, even to get them all placed with me. I have maintained as much sibling visits as they will allow. And I am completely in favor of visits between the 5 kids, looks like it will be in 3 homes. I am committed to a lifetime relationship with the Mom (has the one brother), and the family that has the twins. And that even remains to be seen - the other adoptive family totally rejects the legal guardianship alternative. I have no idea if another adoptive (guardian) family could be found for the girls - their psychiatric diagnoses are getting worse not better, presumably due to the instability of not knowing where they will grow up.

But this lawyer has already had the 12 YO made a party to the case, and all the other lawyers are stepping back, trying to decide what to do. My kids' lawyers feel it would be in the best interests of the kids to have permanency, even if not adoption. And I really have no say - I can choose not to accept guardianship, but then the plan would be to look for another home for my children. No one can really say what will happen if the lawyer does get this to a federal level. It certainly could be expected to take years. The argument in favor of guardianship is that the mom may concede - boy's lawyer couldn't stop that. But if they go on to a TPR fight, it really will take years.

Oh, piffle. Thanks for the space to vent. It is good to try to write it out, briefly and clearly, to help get it straight in my head. If legal guardianship is what is offered, I will have to accept. And if the other family follows through with their refusal, I will offer to take the twins too. If I got the full subsidy for 4 kids, I could hire help (housekeeping and parenting), and I think we could probably do OK. My understanding is that adoption means a sharp decrease in the subsidy, whereas guardianship doesn't. Please don't think this is about the money - but I really don't think I could work full time and raise these 4 kids (6 if you count the bios still at home). Hard to say if I could ever get a homestudy to approve me for so many high needs kids.