6.5 yo not listening!

[K1329]

My adorable 6.5 yo dd has started not taking me and dh seriously. Or, maybe it's been going on for awhile...

For example, in the car, she'll say "I'm buckled." and she's not buckled. Dh walked to the park with her and said don't cross the street until I get there. She crossed the street without looking, something she knows better than to do. Often times when I say "You're not buckled! Get buckled right now - it's important to stay safe and it's a law!" Or something similar, she'll respond in what I consider to be a "sassy" way. Then it goes from bad to worse and our ds, 3, mimics her behavior and speaks to us in an ugly way!

We're really at a loss of what to do. We're worried we've dropped the ball somewhere and could end up with a spoled brat. We've tried taking away toys, priveleges and also really tried to be consistent. We've sat her down and talked to her about the importance of listening. I'll also add that she has NO behavior problems at school - her teachers say she's a peacemaker with her friends and an angel.

How can we change things to get some respect? If this is what's happening now... I really can't imagine the teen years! Thanks in advance for any ideas!

[pianojazzgirl]

Ok, no BTDT advice, but I do want to say that my friend's ds (now 7.5) went through a similar phase at the same age. He has always been a super "obedient" (cringe... couldn't think of a better word) kid. Always very mature and responsible for his age. But then somewhere in the middle of age 6 he started acting out. Not listening, being "sassy" and doing things like what your dd has done (unsafe things that he should know better about). It was such a shock to my friend as this seemed so out of character for him. I think 6 is just one of those ages where they're going through some new stage of development, which manifests as some of those kind of behaviours. Like I said, I haven't BTDT, but I at least wanted to post that I think it's normal, and not a sign that your dd is becoming a "spoiled brat". For what it's worth, my friend's ds seems to be coming out of that phase now (though the birth of a new baby sister has made it last a little longer than it might otherwise have).

Good luck mama!

p.s. also my friend's ds would only act like that with his parents - at school he was considered a perfect angel (like your dd).

[Bea]

I have to agree with the PP, my step daughter is a very biddable child, it's simply her nature and makes her most times a pleasure to parent and at other times a huge worry incase she'll be easily led into trouble

Your scenario, I could have written word for word. It's a phase. Remove her self buckling privalages or be firm in your displeasure. Both solved it for us but maybe it would have just worked itself out in the end?

You havent dropped the ball, it's just a normal little person 'feeling their oats', testing limits and generally adding to your grey hair

[K1329]

Thanks... I think you all are right. She must just be testing the water. Dh and I are very easygoing, sometimes I worry too easygoing, but, we do want to draw the line at not reacting to just plain ugly behavior and lying (the 'I'm buckled" type thing).

It's funny you mention the "self-buckling" privelage - b/c I tried this yesterday! I said to her "If I can't trust you when you say you're buckled, I guess I'll just have to buckle you like I do ds." She stated that she's not a baby and that this would embarrass her greatly. Then didn't buckle! I got out, walked to her door to buckler her myself - by the time I got there she had buckled.

Overall, I think we're raising a kind, gentle dd... it's just so hard to know what's normal and what's cause for concern... or "bratty"! Just when I thought it was getting easier...

Thanks!

[Adasmommy]

Another thought is to tell her that she has the important job of being a role model for her little brother because he is going to want to do everything she does, so she can teach him to be sweet and wonderful like she is.

And maybe she'll take that very seriously. I do consider it's one of an older siblings jobs, and that they should be informed of that!