Another example of how society doesnt support breastfeeding

[ErinsJuneBug]

This summer we will be going to 5 weddings so, in the mean time, that means there will be 5 showers! None of the women live close to us (all over an hour away), so I'd be gone for at least 4-5 hours and i have an 8 month old breastfed baby. Now, he takes a bottle as i work part time, but its a constant battle to keep up with him and have enough milk. When I'm home on the weekends the last thing i want to do is use part of my stash when i could just breastfeed him. So, when i have gotten the invitations i have called each time to ask them if i could bring my baby with me. So far here are the responses:
1) No children allowed
2) We dont want to detract from the brides day
3) The hostess will be leaving her infant at home, and she asked the MOB/MOG who said there would be no other infants...hope this helps me decide
4) She would have to talk to the bride (still havent heard back)
5) Its a really small hall and they cant have people there that they werent accounting for.



Its not like he would be running all over the place. He would be sitting on my lap, or nursing or sleeping. It just makes me really sad. These are all women only showers. Way to support women and mothers. I've decided not to go to any.

[Bokonon]

Honestly, I think that's perfectly acceptable. It's a hostess's right to decide whether children can come, and if one person brings a nursing baby, another mom might feel slighted and judged (as they often do) for not being able to bring their formula-fed baby.

Our best friends got married in September, when Peepers was 4 months old. My husband was a groomsman, and our son was a ringbearer. I didn't have anyone to watch Peepers, so I didn't go. It would have been nice to go, but I know I wouldn't have wanted a baby at my wedding, and afforded my friends the same courtesy. If I had insisted on bringing her, they probably wouldn't have fought me on it, but it was their wedding, not mine. I think it would have been rude to bring a guest that wasn't invited, regardless of its nursing status.

[ErinsJuneBug]

I know, and i guess i understand why they dont want him to come too...but it still makes me sad. We are having a babysitter come to each wedding and staying in the hotel so i can nurse him when i need to, i was just really surprised that it would be that big of an issue with the shower. I called to make sure it was OK first, but when one after another said no it really shocked me.

[annettemarie]

I'm going to move this out to the general breastfeeding forum, as per the forum guidelines. I'm sorry you feel hurt by this.

[KempsMama]

Well I'll chime in here and say while it's obviously become a socially accepted practice to ban infants and children from what would have been, 50 years ago, a family orientated function, it does say something (or rather SCREAM something) about our society today. I see more and more instances of this, and it does make me a little ill, honestly. Our children should not be banished from our social interactions.

[annekh23]

I guess I wouldn't be thinking 5 showers for 5 weddings was particularly normal, unless it's usual to invite every female guest to the shower? He's 8mths old now, which means he's going to get more mobile, more into things, he may well not be just in your lap, nursing or sleeping, they change fast at this age.

If you have kids, you have to make choices, sometimes that means you don't get to go to all the parties! If you have the time and resources to go to 5 weddings and 5 showers, you're pretty lucky. The problem is when you politely turn down an invite and someone gets in a stew for you saying no thanks.

If he actually couldn't take a bottle, I'd feel frustrated because of the lack of choice, but even then you could still all go somewhere near the location, feed just before, then feed again before you drive home.

[groovyem]

I guess I can kinda of see the wedding thing of no kids, but, isn't this a family celebration? I know my sister and I have missed out on some gatherings we would have liked to attend, but I will say these have been thrown by people with no kids, younger and middle aged people. I really don't get the no kids at the shower, but, to each their own. I wouldn't go if my kids weren't welcome, it's not like your bringing a 2 yr old that runs around like a little wild person. Good luck making your decision!

[PotreroHill]

I'm sorry he can't go

[Lineymom]

Originally Posted by groovyem

I guess I can kinda of see the wedding thing of no kids, but, isn't this a family celebration? I know my sister and I have missed out on some gatherings we would have liked to attend, but I will say these have been thrown by people with no kids, younger and middle aged people. I really don't get the no kids at the shower, but, to each their own. I wouldn't go if my kids weren't welcome, it's not like your bringing a 2 yr old that runs around like a little wild person. Good luck making your decision!

I also agree with pp about our society. I wouldn't want to be around those people much less give them gifts lol! Sorry you have the feel do isolated.

[karika]

I agree it is a shame. Children are a part of life. they are life. Children should be allowed anywhere. Like in Europe, pubs are a family place, children are not banned, they are welcomed. This helps with family unity and keeps the child from feeling like an outsider. For me, my child would be playing with the paper of the gifts, trying to grab everything though. she is older. I agree that not going is a valid choice. It is their party, and if they don't want any kids there that is what must be respected. It does say a lot about this system.

[ElliesMomma]

good for you! (i agree: don't go.) of course, the baby showers would be a different thing, right? (ie, you can bring your baby... but by the time these newlyweds have their babies, your son will be a toddler or a preschooler... so once again, not welcome).

[claddaghmom]

I would not go.

[annekh23]

Originally Posted by KempsMama

Well I'll chime in here and say while it's obviously become a socially accepted practice to ban infants and children from what would have been, 50 years ago, a family orientated function, it does say something (or rather SCREAM something) about our society today. I see more and more instances of this, and it does make me a little ill, honestly. Our children should not be banished from our social interactions.

I'm not sure that's entirely true, I think it's always been an upper class thing, children should be seen and not heard etc. so it's probably a bit of a status thing as to whether you can afford to have someone care for your children, or even afford to have a social event of this kind.

It is nice to be just grown ups sometimes, you can't have deep conversation with kids around, but that still doesn't exclude a breastfed baby (or a formula fed baby), we've also found that as our older children passed the toddler stage, they are often able to play semi supervised in many social settings, so adults and children can both have fun.

I've never quite understood the not wanting children at weddings thing, you don't want them to make a noise in the ceremony, but that doesn't mean excluding them altogether. I suppose we are lucky with our friends, but every single wedding invite we've had since we had kids has named each child by name, but we've very rarely taken them for the whole thing, depending on time and location.

I'm British and we seem to end up being somewhere between the US and Europe in general, we don't do showers, but we do do hen parties, which are often entirely unsuitable for children, I think I did invite a couple of friends with 1yr olds, but more to be polite than in any expectation of them actually coming. This kind of thing just hasn't been a problem for us, which makes me worry now we live in the US if I've upset anyone by doing the wrong thing!

[mamadelbosque]

Honestly, unless an invitation specifically says 'no children' I just take my kids with me. That is to say, I assume that if *I'm* invited so are my kids... DH & I are going to a camp alumni dinner on saturday and I'm dropping DS1 off at my moms but DS2 will be coming with me (even though its a 'no under 21' event), but thats me. I took DS2 to the same thing a few months ago and nobody batted an eye.

Also, the only weddings I've been invited to/attended since I had kids, my kids were invited and fawned over by everyone. The last one, DS1 and I waited in the car while the actual ceremony finished up (cause' he couldn't sit still - twas just barely 2.5 at the time), but then he had a blast at the reception.

[Mirrormonkey]

Wow! Weddings and showers are about family and generations coming together to celebrate. I don't go to events that my kids are not invited to. I put children welcome on our wedding invites and the positive responses were great!

[ewe+lamb]

I wouldn't go either, we've been to informal weddings and events and formal ones too, one notable one was a wedding on a boat on the Seine in Paris, the kids had a blast and so did we the B&G loved having all the kids at their wedding celebrating life and the continuancy of it, they had photos taken with just the kids and them - it's a wonderful photo, we didn't have to worry about being back for babysitters, about nursing - it was great, I really don't get this no-kids thing, doesn't make sense to me, personally, I think more than often these days that the B&G get so caught up in it being their day and having everything that THEY want that they forget about the actual meaning of celebrating love and life.

[Bokonon]

I would be irritated if I was hosting a party that did not invite children, and invitees brought their children anyway. Just like if I was invited to a women-only baby shower, I wouldn't bring my husband, regardless of if I felt that it SHOULD be open to both genders. It's not my call.

What's the big deal about having some kid-free time? Do we have to bring our children with us everywhere we go, even to social functions? I love my kids and spend a lot of time with them, but I also like having grownup conversations where I don't have to interrupt myself to chase after my baby.

I don't blame brides-to-be for not wanting kids at their showers and weddings if that's what they decide. It's their party. Weddings are very expensive. They are (supposed to be) once in a lifetime. I think it's disrespectful to bring kids when they are not invited, because your feelings about what a celebration "should" be are irrelevant when it's not YOUR wedding.

My kids are the biggest part of my life, but they aren't my whole life. I am capable of enjoying myself without them for a few hours, and look forward to doing so at the few chances I get. If I went to an adults-only function and someone else brought their kids, I'd be annoyed too!

[llwr]

Well, I get that the host gets to decide who is invited and that's totally fair, but weddings are supposed to lead to babies. I don't understand why it shouldn't be a family friendly thing.

But, I hate showers. I kinda wish my DD's weren't allowed to go so I wouldn't have to either!

[justice'smom]

I know how you feel op. My baby won't even stay with my husband for more than an hour, so I end up not going many places. I'm sorry.

[boobs4milk]

it's not about not being able to enjoy myself. i bring my kids because i can not leave them for hours and hours. i have 7 kids and we take them with us because hiring a sitter is unrealistic and they are a blended family so we don't feel comfortable leaving them home alone.

we've been to 2 weddings recently and the b/g got beautiful pics of our kids. they even took pics of me nursing amelia and that was at a wedding of 2 older people who both have no children!!!

your party, your call on who you invite. if you invite me, i'm bringing between 1 and 7 kids so if you don't want kids there don't invite me. everyone knows i nurse amelia and she's way too young to be without mama. looks to me like people would take the children into consideration before sending out "no children" invites.