New to HS - need advice

[faiths13]

I have 5 children living with me, 3 are school age. I have a 9 yr old and 11
yr old son, and a 14 yr old step son. I really want to hs, at least my two sons.
They do not want to. They like going to school and being with their friends. I
think that school is a bad influence on them. The kids cuss in elementary, do
drugs in jr high and who knows what else. The kids feel that the most important
thing is what other kids think about them. Im hearing about it more and more. So
my question is this - as a parent would it be right for me to take them out of
ps because I think hs is better for them (after this school year ends) or are
they at the age where they are to old to make a decision like that for them and
I should let them stay in ps where they want to be. the youngest has expressed
alot of interest in it, then changed his mind. i have talked to the kids about the benefits of hs'ing - like how they can do an extra curricular activity, still keep the friends they have but make new friends, go to hs gruups, etc., have more free time and less stress. still they just want to be with their friends. this is all totally new to me and i dont want to get a bad start with hs'ing if i do it. i want them to want to do it and learn from it, not feel resentment.

[Lillian J]

What I've personally seen with several boys that age who were forced to homeschool against their wishes is that it didn't last long - it really didn't work for them. Part of the resentment in one of the families was the way their mom handled homeschooling - she was new to it and was intent on a school-at-home approach that made the whole thing all the more unappealing to them. They were very happy when she finally relented and let them go back to school. And in two other cases the problem was largely that the moms weren't wanting to put the effort into getting together social opportunities - those boys also were very happy to get back to school. You really need to provide a lot of social opportunities for boys that age - especially if they don't want to leave school in the first place. And you need to give them plenty of space - they're at the age of wanting to break away from the apron strings, so to bring them home and take on the role of teacher on top of mother can be a double whammy. There's obviously a lot of difference between individuals and families, but do keep in mind that you will meet some very real challenges if they're upset about losing the social life they're now enjoying. And one thing I'd be sure to do read a lot about lots of different approaches to homeschooling before starting on your own - so that if you do end up homeschooling, you can find comfortable ways of accommodating their individual personalities. If they have lots of fun activities and social outlets, and a lot of say in their studies, it could work for them, but it will take dedication, work, and lots of real listening to what they really want. Lillian

[mom2ponygirl]

I think at that age you need some level of buy in from the kids. I would keep the enrolled in school but start investigating homeschool opportunities this summer and after school when possible. Let them meet kids from a hs group. Let them go on a field trip or sit in on a co-op class. If they see that there are kids out there that they could relate to and enjoy, homeschooling may not seem so foreign and isolating. They really don't know what they are choosing at this point. You need to leave the option of returning to school available, but let them see what homeschooling could be. Perhaps by the end of summer they would be willing to try homeschooling for a year to see what it would really be like.

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by mom2ponygirl

I think at that age you need some level of buy in from the kids. I would keep the enrolled in school but start investigating homeschool opportunities this summer and after school when possible. Let them meet kids from a hs group. Let them go on a field trip or sit in on a co-op class. If they see that there are kids out there that they could relate to and enjoy, homeschooling may not seem so foreign and isolating. They really don't know what they are choosing at this point. You need to leave the option of returning to school available, but let them see what homeschooling could be. Perhaps by the end of summer they would be willing to try homeschooling for a year to see what it would really be like.

I think this is great advice. None of the kids I mentioned had those advantages. - Lillian

[teastaigh]

Hi,
I would recommend getting "Hold Onto Your Kids" by Gordon Neufield from the library. There is one particular chapter about forging connections and attachment with the peer-fixated child/teen that might be particularly applicable in the situation that you describe, whether your family decides to homeschool or not.

Whatever choice you make, I'd also suggest that you seek out some like-minded parents in your community/sub-community. Start a family game night where you get together with another family for games and dessert/snacks ... do some of your socializing and volunteering as a whole family. Maybe it's time to think about new rituals (these can be small, but they do really matter) and just day-dream about what you'd like your family to look like.

Personally, I'm very supportive of homeschooling, but I strongly feel that each family has to do what's best for them and can create a strong family given the desire and will to do so.

peace,
teastaigh

[faiths13]

Thank you so much for the great ideas!