I Don't Think I'm Ready For Having a TODDLER

[AnnaNova]

my son turned 1 a little over a month ago... as much as i am excited and looking forward to everything that's to come our way, i dont think im ready for having a toddler. i thought i was, but i really dont think i am...
just in the past month he has matured so much, and i dont think my parenting skills caught up enough.
it's little things, like it used to be so easy to get stuff away from him that he is not supposed to have (like if he go hold of the phone, i just took it away and distructed him with a toy or smth - not anymore!!). it used to be much easier to entertain him, or do stuff around the house - i just carried him in the carrier and gave him some pots and pans and he was happy...
i hate that he gets frustrated so many times during the day, hate how many times i hear myself saying "no" (even if its for serious stuff like not touching hot things or staying away from cords and wires)
i am reading "the happiest toddler on the block" and a lot of it seems to make sense, like the author saying that toddlers start realizing that they are small and pretty helpless while everything around is big and everyone is strong, and so they get frustrated, but i havent really been able to use any of his "methods" - 1 yo seems a little to little for them...
just looking for a piece of advice or maybe a good read, and of course for your experience in embarking on the journey through the land of toddlerhood...

[jenfl]

Welcome to toddlerhood! It can be frustrating to realize you're parenting a kid who doesn't exist anymore, can't it?

I really enjoyed toddlerhood, in general. You're in a rough transition stage now, but I loved the increased ability to communicate and explore on her own.

You might want to take the opportunity to toddler-proof (as opposed to baby-proof) your home -- re-evaluate what he can reach, and make sure there are opportunities for things that he CAN explore.

Also, communication can be frustrating for early toddlers. If he's not talking yet, you might want to consider signing. It was amazing for us!

Good luck! There's some great, fun times coming up!

[daniturtle]

I have to admit that I have liked being the mother of a toddler more than a baby! Yes, she gets into all kinds of things and the tantrums - wooowee!- are hard. But they are also figuring out SO many things and learning all the time and having a good time.

The coping skills I've learned are mainly what jenfl mentioned- signing and toddler-proofing. Thalia doesn't really talk much at all but will pick up signs incredibly quickly, so that helps with communication. And we've decided what kitchen cabinets she's allowed to play in (ie the ones with tupperware and colanders, lightish pots and pans). Repeat all over the house.

The other thing I would advise (for your own sanity, really) is to try not to say "no" all the time. Saying no all day long is exhausting, especially iwht toddlers who have no to little impulse control. Of course, you have to say it some times for things like the stove, dangerous stuff. But if it's not dangerous, reconsider - in other words, think about whether your *really* don't want him to do something. Try to take power out of the equation altogether. For example, one day Thalia wanted more than anything to wear two bibs. Who knows why and at first I was like, "no." And then I thought, wait, what's the harm? It's just cos I have this preconceived notion that only one bib should be worn at a time. And even if it's something you don't want him to do, reframe your request - like if he is throwing a toy car (to take an example from our house), instead of saying "Don't throw that car!" say instead "Let's play with the car on the ground" or "Throw this ball. Balls are for throwing." I'm not promising miracles. But it helps them understand what you want, how to get along harmoniously. Instead of everything being a struggle.

Oh and those nights when she wants ME and no one or nothing else right when I'm making dinner? Ergo or sling time! If I give her a water bottle to play with while she's in there- she's happy as a clam.

A book I'm reading right now that I really like is The Emotional Life of the Toddler. Really has helped me to understand Thalia's perspective on life and to emotionally support her (something that was missing from my childhood almost entirely) and help her to become an individual.