curly haired 5 y.o. hates hair

[fargomama]

I have been trying to find a book with a positive message about curly hair for my beautiful 5 year old daughter who wishes every day that her hair was straight. The one book i found ends with the girl chopping off her hair to get rid of the curls - not exactly what i was going for. No one in our family has curly hair and all of her friends have straight hair. Everywhere we go people compliment her on her beautiful curly hair, how they wish their hair was curly, yada yada. We have talked about how everyone is unique and her hair makes her special. Our family is not into appearances and we are careful to be sure not to impress any negative thoughts about our own bodies on to her. She has been disgruntled about her hair since she was about 3 1/2 and I certainly never expected to have to deal with self-image and hair at 4 or 5. She is strong, confident little girl but really does not like her hair. Thanks for your input!

[AAK]

While the focus isn't on the curls, Fancy Nancy has curls and the rest of the family has pretty straight hair. Also, if you don't mind the Junie B books, Lucille (although a rather annoying character) is regarded as very beautiful and comments are frequent about her beautiful hair and how she is going to be a model someday, etc. etc. In Junie B has a monster under her bed, they have school photos and Lucille's pictures turn out wonderful, etc.

I will keep thinking though. But, my niece also had very curly hair and didn't like it. Turns out she didn't like it because of trying to brush it. So, they did cut it. Not severely and not to get rid of the curls but to make it more manageable. This totally solved the problem.

Or, find a fashion mag that has tons of models with curls. . .
Amy

[CarrieMF]

Dh has wavy hair when it gets long.

Growing up my hair was straight with a curl up/down at the ends until I turned 16 when it started going curlier. Now I have a strong wave/curl in my hair.

2 of my kids had spirly curly hair. One of them is now wavy like dh's & the other is still spirly like my bil's. They both wish they had straight hair.

My oldest has hair like mine was growing up. She wishes hers was curly.

[justthinkn]

Is part of the issue knowing what to do with it? Curly Girl has care tips, styling tips, as well as just a great message about appreciating curly hair.

[One_Girl]

I hated my hair when I was a kid because it was tangly and hard to care for and my mom's straight hair was easy to care for. Have you tried getting her nice conditioner to use in the morning then doing her hair after it has a lot of conditioner in it? Finding ways to put it up so it is just as cute as straight hair may also help. If it isn't a nuisance she may start liking it more. I think you really need to talk to her about why she wishes she could have straight hair so you can help address the specific thing that makes her think her hair is substandard compared to other hair.

[abeliamama]

Not sure if it would be helpful, need to reread with your issue in mind but we loved Franny B. Kranny, You Have a Bird in your Hair about a girl with curly hair.

[tanyam926]

I agree w/ the pp who mentioned delving a little deeper to find out why she dislikes her curly hair so much.

If it's the management issue then you can both come up w/a plan to make it easier. For example, let her pick out a nice conditioner/detangler, special brushes or combs for curly hair, a shorter haircut, etc.

If it's a looks issue then you can talk about how much work it takes for curly hair girls to go straight and straight haired girls to go curly. Maybe visit a salon where you can talk to a stylist about how much people spend to get perms.

My sis has really curly hair and she hated it her whole life. My mom told her it was beautiful and left it at that. My sis and I also had REALLY long hair as kids and we hated it. My mom wouldn't let us cut it or even listen to our feelings about it.

If I were in your shoes I would probably try the above mentioned things and if she continued to want straight hair I would use my flat iron on it. It takes a little while and isn't fun. Taking the mystery and magic out of the straight hair idea might help her to see that it's not as wonderful as she thinks it is. I don't know how you feel about that idea but since I straighten my own hair sometimes, it's not a big deal to me. (I would however get to the root of the problem first and speak first to the insecurity).

I do think that if my mom would have really talked to my sis about why she hated her hair and then come up w/a plan to address those issues, then my sis wouldn't have obsessed over her hair as much as she did and for as long (she still hated her hair into her 20's).

[fargomama]

thanks!

Thanks to all the replies. The combing could definitely be part of it and while we do have detangler I havent found any of the earthy ones to be too great so I'll try the dollar store... her teacher found some there that she said works great. We will also get a couple of the suggested books and read those. Much appreciated!

[Linda on the move]

Get the book Curly Girl!!! Since no one in your family has curly hair, this book will teach you everything you need to know.

Curly hair can be a major pain in the tush, and I feel for your DD.

Can you french braid? Braided hair looks totally different, and she'll get comments about her great braids instead of her curls!

[bluebunny]

I'll second the Curly Girl book (and website!). I have curly hair, as do my kids. Don't brush it!! Put conditioner on in the bathtub and comb thru the tangles with a wide-tooth comb while hair is wet and soaked with conditioner. Then gently towel dry and let air dry. My kids go to bed with damp hair and sometimes it is crazy in the morning. Spritz with water (buy a spritzer bottle for this) or with a solution of part conditioner / part water as a detangler and run fingers thru it.

GL!

[tzs]

i saw this post and since this was totally me as a kid i think it's kind of cute. i never really grew out of it, you just always had more options with straight hair. i think part of the problem that it was also always short and thin so i never got to have cute braids or ponytails.

i even remember my grandmother telling me that the crusts of bread made hair curly and i swear i didn't eat a crust again until i was well in my teens. i had an aunt with the same hair and she would commiserate and tell me how she used to iron her hair with a clothes iron!

for all it's worth it wasn't a huge deal in the big scheme of things and now i get kind of nostalgic about it.

[lifeguard]

I don't have much to offer but sympathy. I hated my curly hair as a girl & still despise it as an adult. It is a LOT of work & although it can look fantastic it usually just looks messy. As long as I can remember I envied anyone who could brush their hair with ease.

[justmama]

Oh I LOOOOOOVE little girls and boys with curly hair. I have two girls with straight hair and finally my littlest one has these gorgeous little curls at the bottom of her hair and I have yet to cut it because I would be devastated if there was no more curl left. I'm the ONLY one in the family with curls. Maybe if you just let her choose a hairstyle(one that doesn't involve chopping it all off) and length to cut it to, she will feel more in control of her hair. Or maybe if you bathe her at night and braid her hair tightly to pull out some of the curl(depends on how curly it is because obviously it will be all crimpy in the morning) and let her sleep on it and have crimpy hair in the morning that will help?

[B & B]

My little ones have curly hair the boy is bummed because he "can't get haoir cuts like his friends" i.e. he can't have the shaggy 70's hair that is now back, DD sees the hair straighten commericals and begs me to buy her one LOL She gets her hair "done" now at the beauty school and LOVES it have got zero complaints now that she sees Ms Robin every week (and Ms Robin really does not do anything different with her hair than I do, I think she just feels grown up!) BTW she is 6

[minkleaf]

My 6 year old DD has curly hair. She lets me boing the ringlets sometimes. We like the book "The Hair of Zoe Fleefenbacher Goes to School". It isn't so much about curly as unruly, mind of its own, "handy, helpful, amazing hair", but even my 3 year old recognized her sister's hair in it.

[ollyoxenfree]

Check out Aaron's Hair by Robert Munsch . I can't recall the exact story, but it might be close to what you are looking for (although it is about a boy).

FWIW, when my ds was very small, his best friend had very curly hair. I recall ds asking, when he was about 2 y.o. "When will my hair get curly like his?". He was so disappointed to know the truth!

[boricuaqueen327]

My almost 6-yr old dd has very curly hair (like me and her father) and for a while she was saying that she hated it, wanted straight hair etc. For us, a huge difference came when we cut it. She picked out the length and she picked out which salon she wanted it cut at. It is shorter than I wanted originally but it is SO much more manageable. The hairdresser recommended some mouse that has conditioner in it so it is much easier to style her hair and keep it looking nice. No more tangles, much less fuss to style it, etc. (It is cut to the top of her shoulders) DD also has a variety of dolls with curly and straight hair, books that show a wide variety of characters with all types of hair (Fancy Nancy is a good one) and we all stress the importance of knowing that everyone is unique and beautiful in their own way. It made me really sad to hear dd complain about her curly hair but it has gotten much better. I hope you find a solution that works for you.

[lovermont]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

Get the book Curly Girl!!! Since no one in your family has curly hair, this book will teach you everything you need to know.

YES!!!
It will tell you what conditioner to use (I found Jason's conditioner worked, if you're looking for a more natural option). I also did baking soda and acv for a while. Do.not.brush.it.EVER!!!
Again, as pp are saying- what about it does she not like? The brushing because it hurts, how it looks, something else?
I think that showing her as many examples as possible of curly haired people is a good idea. Even as an adult, but especially as a kid, it is so isolating. It really feels like NO ONE has curly hair.

I saw that a pp suggested letting her see what it's like straight by straight ironing it. I don't know if this is a great idea only because the first time mine was straightened (I was in college) it was AMAZING! I feel strongly about being another example of a curly head (rather than squashing my curly-ness) and that is the only reason I don't straighten. It's fabulous to have straight hair- you can run your hands through it... that's probably my favorite part. So if you decide to straighten her hair she might love it too much I think being comfortable in your curl first is a good idea. I really hated my curls A LOT until reading Curly Girl as a senior in college.

[limabean]

Originally Posted by lovermont

Even as an adult, but especially as a kid, it is so isolating. It really feels like NO ONE has curly hair.

I agree. It drives me crazy how on every makeover show, they straighten curly hair almost as a matter of course. Yet you never see them curling straight hair and expecting those women to "keep it up" by spending all the extra time curling it every day. I find it pretty offensive, and hate the message that it sends to curly-haired little girls. I like my curls and luckily have the self esteem to withstand all those negative messages, but little girls who are just forming their sense of what's okay and not okay can be pretty affected by that type of stuff, and I wish it wasn't so prevalent.

I love the Curly Girl website.

[mosesface]

I grew up hating my hair because my mother couldn't help me with it. Her hair was super straight and she just had no idea how to care for or style my hair. She would attempt to blow it straight or put it in rollers (!?) even when I was tiny. It was torture to have to comb it, so I avoided it at all cost which made it worse. So everything involving my hair was a major ordeal.

I remember feeling totally left out at school when all the girls would play with eachother's hair, but couldn't even get a comb through mine. Everyone went on and on about how beautiful my hair was, but "playing" with it just hurt me and made it frizzy.

All of that to say, if your dd has similar issues, you could bless her immensely by learning how to care for her curls! Read curly girl and visit naturallycurly.com. Help her hair be healthy and strong and you can get rid of the "ordeal" of curly hair.