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He took her from me. He promised he wouldn't but he did.

post #1 of 43
Thread Starter 
I haven't posted on MDC for a while 'cause everything I used to talk about on here seems so... stupid and mundane. I only wish I had those problems now.

My Husband left me. I moved out with my son after Christmas. He took my stepdaughter. He promised I could still be in her life, I'd still be a parent to her, part of her family. He told me he understood how close we were to eachother, how much we love eachother. I was her primary caregiver when she was at our house from right before she turned 3 until she was 9 1/4. I loved her and treated her as my own. Still do. She was the daughter I never had. the two children were raised as siblings for 6 years. My Husband has hardly let me have any contact with my stepdaughter the last three months. He insists, "She's fine, she's fine." Supposedly, my Husband and I are on friendly terms, he's divorcine me because "he doesn't love me anymore" and We had a talk the other night- during that talk, he basically told me that 1. He does not consider me any kind of parent to my stepdaughter, any kind of family to my stepdaughter. and 2. because I'm no longer her family, he really doesn't see any reason why I should see her on weekends he has her (every other weekend) and even once a month "is a bit much" and 3. he doesn't invite my son over when she's there very often because, "they shouldn't be encouraged to be sister and brother, since they're not, anymore". Now, it's killing me to lose my Husband, my best friend for 9 years, it kills me to see this complete personality change in him, that nobody, NOBODY, even his family has ever seen, and it kills me to see what my son's going through, losing the only Dad he's ever known, and the sister he grew up with, but the complete loss of my stepdaughter, I can't get through. It's not the usual "loss of a child" (thank God!), but she's lost from me, she's been taken from me. I love her more than life itself, and he took her from me. She's only 9, she will eventually forget how close we were. She may already be wondering why "I won't come see her anymore". I just want my "daughter" (the daughter of my heart) back. How can someone intentionally break a bond like that, take a child from a parent? Even as he was leaving, he kept maintaining how I've been "the best parent he could have imagined" to his daughter. Maybe we weren't "real" child and "real" parent, but it was real enough for me and my stepdaughter- she was the daughter I had always wanted. I know I still have my son- I'm trying to concentrate on him now- but I still feel like I've lost everything- I lost my little girl. Nothing will ever replace her- she's gone.
post #2 of 43
I am so very sorry. Can you write to her to let her know you still love her? I wouldn't mention in my letters about her dad not letting you see each other, but just say that you love and miss her.
post #3 of 43
Can you contact a lawyer and see if you have any rights as far as court mandated contact? It seems so cruel to her and to you that he could just cut ties like that.

I'm so sorry, mama.
post #4 of 43
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by texmama View Post
I wouldn't mention in my letters about her dad not letting you see each other, but just say that you love and miss her.
I have, several times, now. I hope she understands.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ledzepplon View Post
Can you contact a lawyer and see if you have any rights as far as court mandated contact? It seems so cruel to her and to you that he could just cut ties like that.
My son and I are "legal strangers" to her. There's nothing the courts can do.
post #5 of 43
This will affect your son I have an older half sister who lived with us until I was 5. She moved out and I never saw her again until I was 20. It caused a lot of grief in my life, even though everyone said I wouldn't remember her I still have issues with losing her as part of my life

What about your stepdaughter's Mother? Are you friendly with her? Perhaps you could talk to her and maybe she might encourage you to visit with her.
post #6 of 43
I am so sorry, Mama.

I mentioned this in a previous thread, but I need to say it again - please take yourself and your son out of this horrible situation. Please move back home and be among your family of origin and let your son develop some family bonds that you can trust will not be broken. You can't erase the hurt or get back the last six years of your lives, but you can make a fresh start.

Your STBX has discarded you and your son. There's nothing you can do about that, but you can tell him he's a worthless human being and you regret the day you ever laid eyes on him, and walk away and build a new life for yourself. And hopefully, someday, you can make contact with your DSD again and tell her that this tragedy in her life was not your choice and not under your control, and that you are sorry she lost you and her brother.

Have pride. Show your son how to deal with people who prove themselves unworthy of his love and trust.


post #7 of 43
I'm so sorry. s
post #8 of 43
I'm so sorry for you. I understand how you are a legal stranger to your DSD, but your DS too? They are half siblings, legally related, not strangers?! I would get a second opinion on that. It doesn't seem right or fair to anyone involved. But the children especially shouldn't lose each other. I am so sorry for your pain.
post #9 of 43
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bunnyflakes View Post
What about your stepdaughter's Mother? Are you friendly with her? Perhaps you could talk to her and maybe she might encourage you to visit with her.
She hates me, has since she first found out about me. Even now, she's telling my husband how Katherine's "never been happier" and "is thriving without Krissy". (Then why does she, on the occasions she does get to see me, literally cloing to me, not let me go?!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Theia View Post
I'm so sorry for you. I understand how you are a legal stranger to your DSD, but your DS too? They are half siblings, legally related, not strangers?!
My son is my son, my Husband is/was his Stepfather. His daughter is his daughter, I am/was her Stepmother. There is no biological link between the children- they are stepsiblings only.
post #10 of 43
I am sorry, I misunderstood. I thought your son was also your ex's son. In that case, it makes this a crappy situation all around

I was hoping that maybe your SD's Mom would be agreeable, but it doesn't sound like it I wish there was something in place for when this happens. It does not seem fair to the children when they have to be separated from people who have been in their lives for so many years. Even though you are not her birth Mother, I can and always have been able to tell how much you love that child
post #11 of 43
Quote:
Your STBX has discarded you and your son. There's nothing you can do about that, but you can tell him he's a worthless human being and you regret the day you ever laid eyes on him, and walk away and build a new life for yourself. And hopefully, someday, you can make contact with your DSD again and tell her that this tragedy in her life was not your choice and not under your control, and that you are sorry she lost you and her brother.
Very wise advice.

I am so sorry this happened to you. But you and your boy will be okay.
post #12 of 43
I'm sorry.
post #13 of 43
post #14 of 43


I'm so sorry . I hate what your ex is doing to you guys, it sounds so childish to say, "it's not fair" but that is exactly how I feel. It just isn't fair.
post #15 of 43
Have you contacted a lawyer?



I am so sorry, that sounds terribly painful
post #16 of 43
I am so sorry.
post #17 of 43
I was just wondering- what would happen if you contacted her biological mother and asked to visit?
post #18 of 43
sorry, just read the whole thread and saw that contacting her mother won't work.
post #19 of 43
I'm so sorry, HHM. I can't imagine how hard that would be. I, too, would be heartbroken and devastated to be cut out of my stepkids' lives.
post #20 of 43
I am so sorry HHM.
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