Does your religion make it hard for you to get to know people?

[bluebirdiemama]

What religion are you and does your religion make it hard for you to get to know people?

Just curious. Because every belief system carries with it, or follows, a different worldview. So how do you get to know people who are following a different worldview?

Like, this question follows my thoughts of; hindus believe that every person is living a life of paying for past wrongs, so when a hindu is getting to know someone, does it get in the way if that person is poor, or disabled, or some other thing that may be seen as payment for a past wrong?
Or, someone who believes you have to work to get into heaven. Heaven is based on what you do and how good you are, how many rules you follow, etc. What if you are trying to get to know someone who believes that Jesus said we can just have heaven. 'I'll do all the work, here you go'. Wouldn't that get in the way, thinking you're working so hard for something and this person just expects to get it gift-wrapped?


So, maybe I should change this question to, What is your world view, What is your idea of spiritual salvation? and Does it keep you from getting to know people?

[Purple*Lotus]

I am Methodist. We are pretty open minded. Very "loose" as far as being strict goes. You are gay? No problem, come to church anyway, we don't care! Got divorced? Who cares, it doesn't always work out, come to church anyway!

I like that about my church. Mine believes that we built it to welcome people in, not to keep people out.

So I don't really look at people's lifestyles or beliefs and think that I can't be friends with them.

[bluebirdiemama]

Clarification:
Does your religion make it hard to get to know people?
Rather than, does it keep you from being friends with people

sorry! should have been more clear

[zinemama]

I'm finding it hard to understand your question. I'm Jewish. There's nothing in my religion that makes it hard to get to know anyone I encounter and want to know better. In fact, we are specifically commanded to love the stranger, because we were strangers in Egypt.

[Katala]

Originally Posted by bluebirdiemama

What religion are you and does your religion make it hard for you to get to know people?

Just curious. Because every belief system carries with it, or follows, a different worldview. So how do you get to know people who are following a different worldview?

Like, this question follows my thoughts of; hindus believe that every person is living a life of paying for past wrongs, so when a hindu is getting to know someone, does it get in the way if that person is poor, or disabled, or some other thing that may be seen as payment for a past wrong?
Or, someone who believes you have to work to get into heaven. Heaven is based on what you do and how good you are, how many rules you follow, etc. What if you are trying to get to know someone who believes that Jesus said we can just have heaven. 'I'll do all the work, here you go'. Wouldn't that get in the way, thinking you're working so hard for something and this person just expects to get it gift-wrapped?


So, maybe I should change this question to, What is your world view, What is your idea of spiritual salvation? and Does it keep you from getting to know people?

I'm not Hindu, but I follow a somewhat related path, and revere the Vedas as sacred scripture.
I will say, that I have always been taught (by teachers far, far, more knowledgeable than I) that most people (save perhaps for great enlightened saints) can never even begin to understand someone else's karma (heck, most of us can't even begin to try to decipher our own!) and that we should never ever assume that someone is struggling because they "deserved it," for doing something "bad" whether in this life or a previous incarnation. Karma and the wheel of birth and death is far more complex than that; karmic consequences, whether good or bad, are not always "our fault" though like other great religions, Hinduism teacher that "we reap what we sow," anyone who's lived life on this planet knows that we can also be effected, whether as a blessing or a negative experience, by the actions of others.
Not to mention collective karma.
In other words, yes we reap what we sow, but "no person is an island" and we are all interconnected as well.
We're not always directly "responsible" for the things that happen to us, but we are responsible for how we chose to react to them, and those reactions of course have positive or negative consequences that are manifest somehow, in this life, another life, etc. etc. But again, the karmic wheel is so very complex that it's not as though we can look at another person's struggles and determine why they're suffering.

Not to mention, that like other great religions, Hinduism teaches non-violence (which includes not thinking violent, judgmental, hateful thoughts about others) and compassion towards others.

I hope this didn't get too off track from the original question...

[Drummer's Wife]

I'm an atheist, so I would say, no - my religion (or lack of) doesn't seem to have an impact on how I get to know others. I suppose I could meet a lot more people if I went to church ... But TBH, what other people believe doesn't really matter to me. I get along fine with Christians, for example. Same with politics, though - I live in a pretty conservative area, but can still find things in common with others.

I guess I just don't see why religin matters with friendship or getting along with others - unless someone was super judgmental or preach-y, we're cool.

[Cascadian]

Just to echo Katala's sentiment, I want to emphasize that from a karma perspective, certain souls CHOOSE more accelerated karma...eg. to be in horrible accidents, disasters, medical issues, as it burns off more karma at a greater speed than a trickle spread over 1000 lifetimes.

So, in fact, when I look at someone who is suffering, in a way they could be at a much higher level of karmic payoff than myself.

I don't judge. It's certainly not a reflex to judge others, because as Katala stated, the karma concept is way too complicated and based upon many more variables than the old black and white 'do something bad, something equally bad happens to you' formula.

-----------------------------------------------------

As for the friendship thing, yes, I do find that I turn off from people who are not accepting of others based upon their own spiritual backgrounds. I find narrow-mindedness and holier-than-thou attitudes pretty obnoxious and tend not to stick around. When you come from the 'one goal many roads' perspective, it's distasteful to hear someone else pass judgement and try to convert someone else, or to know that they're thinking that if I don't follow their particular brand, I'll go to hell/damnation/whatever.

Most people aren't like this, though. So I have a broad cross-section of friends, probably because I accept wherever they come from and don't do the 'cluster among my own kind' thing.

[Liquesce]

If anything my beliefs make it hard for me to get to know people who follow my religion.

But, with regard to the point of the question, no. I really quite sincerely don't care what other people do or believe. I'm not into proselytizing, I'm not into imagining I know the causes of people's troubles in this life or destination in any other, and I totally cop to the possibility that my entire religion is dead wrong, so what's left to get in the way? The only time my religion interferes at all with my relationships to other people is when I get the feeling I'm staring down bigoted perceptions of followers of my faith, and really I'd like to imagine that would get in the way regardless of my own adherence.

(I'm Muslim, btw. We do believe in a more works-dependent vision of the afterlife, but no, I don't have a problem with someone else believing faith is enough. I really don't understand why that should be anything to me.)

[Magelet]

I don't have a CLUE what I beleive about things like "spiritual salvation". I'm not sure such a thing exists.

What I'm positive about is that it is important to do good in this life, regardless of if or what another life or afterlife might be. So I guess you could say that my religious beliefs get in the way of getting to know a few people, but ya know, I don't really want to get to know child abusers/rapists/murderers/theives/people who harbor and live extreme hatred etc. I'm not sure that's a religious thing.

I find narrow-mindedness and holier-than-thou attitudes pretty obnoxious and tend not to stick around.

Well yeah, but that's not a religious viewpoint either, that's because thinking/acting "I'm better than you" or "your going to hell unless you do/beleif what I do" or anything of the sort is obnoxious.

(the basic answer is nope. I've never had any trouble getting to know people because of any aspect of my religion. (I'm Jewish, btw). I have realized lately that I am WAY more in your face about religion, as in it just comes up in topic a LOT. Most of the people I know from work, for example, I have no clue what religion they are, whereas in a cultural/religious/scheduling/life/food matter, at least mention of my religion comes up several times a day for me usually. then again, I seem to be more religious than most around me. no one has mentioned it bothers them or seems uncomfortable.)

[Cascadian]

Originally Posted by Magelet

Well yeah, but that's not a religious viewpoint either, that's because thinking/acting "I'm better than you" or "your going to hell unless you do/beleif what I do" or anything of the sort is obnoxious.

Some people integrate this way of being into their religious belief system in a BIG way, and I have been on the receiving end of it. Some sects require proselytizing, and that is part of their 'religious viewpoint'. So....yeah. I step aside, or keep on movin' in my direction...

[cappuccinosmom]

Don't know how to encapsulate my world view in a sentance, but I'm conservative Christian, I believe salvation is through Jesus, and no it doesn't keep me from getting to know people, or being friends with others. Certainly there's no religious restriction for me to relate to others.

Sometimes I wonder about the assumptions people make about me when they see me (looking all conservative ). But honestly, it's usually other Christians who assume I'm "snooty" because of what I believe without taking the time to get to know me.

[TheGirls]

I'm agnostic/atheist and a lesbian, so probably I'm the other side of this equation for some people. The vast majority of my friends & family are religious (mostly various forms of Christian) and I rarely encounter issues deeper than not being able to do activities on Sunday morning. There are a few people who are so uncomfortable about my sexual orientation (and the fact that I have a child with another woman) due to their religious objections to it that they don't tend to hang around much. At least 2 friendships have pretty much gone away because of it, and 2 other relationships are a bit uncomfortable. Of these, 3 are conservative Evangelicals, one is Catholic (but elderly, and I find older people struggle with my family more than younger).

I've had friends of many, many religions, and I've been openly agnostic since childhood and openly lesbian since college. Nearly every issue I've had with judging (usually from acquaintances who don't know me well) has been from people of Evangelical background, with an occasional Catholic. Episcopals, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, and Buddists I've never had issues with, lol.

I should clarify that at least 60% of my friends & family are Catholic and probably another 20-30% are Evangelical religions of some sort, so most folks do just fine.

[umsami]

I think that my appearance (hijab) makes people wary of getting to know me, but it doesn't go the other way. Heck, I still get people assuming that I don't speak English because I wear hijab.

As for the view of the afterlife, Islam is big on God's mercy.... and it's kind of like this indescribable variable as to who goes to heaven. You can't underestimate it. There's numerous stories in the ahadith about people you would assume must be destined for hell, who do one good thing, so God grants them heaven. Two come to mind...

One is the story of a prostitute who sees a thirsty dog next to a well. She takes her shoe/leather sock and fills it up with water for the dog. So because of that one act of kindness, God grants her heaven.

There's also a story about a murderer. He didn't just kill one person, but a whole bunch. (Can't remember, exactly. I want to say 100...but that sounds like a lot.) He goes to this learned person, and asks if there's any chance that God can ever forgive him. The guy says, basically, yes... God's mercy always makes that possible. So the learned guy tells him to go to this city where there are a lot of people worshiping God--and to leave his old city, where there are lots of bad influences, etc. The murderer sets off for the good city, and dies on the way. God has the angels measure and see if the murderer was close to the good city, or closer to the old city. Because he was closer to the good city--God granted him heaven.

We're also taught that God will judge you based on the Prophet he gave you. So, Jews are judged based on what was given to Moses. Christians based on what was told to Jesus. Etc. Also, one of the biggies is don't judge other people harshly unless you want God to judge you harshly. I think those things keep most Muslims from being judgmental regarding who are their friends and who shouldn't be. We all know that we do bad stuff and need to rely on God's mercy. None of us are perfect.

[doubledutch]

i think the religion i was raised in caused me to feel a lot of shame, and even though i no longer practice that religion, my childhood experience still affects me, and still makes it difficult for me to be open with others for fear that they will find me to be "bad". that makes it hard to get to know people.

[Juvysen]

I believe we're all put here to deal with the issues we need to get through in order to reach enlightenment... and for each person that's different. I actually think it makes it *easier* to get to know people, in that it's easier for me to feel like "they are going through their things and I'm going through mine... " it kind of makes it feel more like we're all the same? Or gives me compassion for their situation? ok, I don't know if that makes any sense at all. I believe in what I'm going to call "alternative spirituality", and I'm not very good at putting it all into words, I think.

[xekomaya]

I want to say yes, my religion does make it harder for me to get to know people, but I also think it is a combination of my personality and my world view, more than just the world view itself. I assume the question means getting to know people in a personal way, rather than as a casual acquaintance.

I'm a traditional Catholic. As a community, we tend to be very conservative, and even downright prudish in media and world exposure. This cuts me off from a lot of people because I consider some aspects of "normal" conversation too inappropriate and feel very uncomfortable.

Maybe I fall into PP's description of "narrow minded" because I do believe in one absolute truth. I don't think it is a narrow mind at all though. I tend to get along better with other people of faith that also believe in one truth, even if the details of that are different, than with people who believe in moral relativism.

I would never be mean, rude, or pushy to someone because I think they are living in an inappropriate way, but my religion does leave me with an obligation not to condone so that gives another reason not to become close friends with someone who would be likely to bring up situations I would feel obligated to say something about -- because I really hate that.

[Bluegoat]

No, I don't find that it gets in my way, not nearly as much as the fact that I am incredibly introverted. In some ways I would be considered a fairly conservative Christian (though I find the liberal/conservative labels don't fit that well) but in practice I am pretty easy at getting along, and being friendly with, all kinds of people. There are very few things that offend me in any emotional kind of way.

I do find that most of my small group of very close friends tend to have similar basic beliefs, but that makes sense. Those are often the people I can have the most in depth talks with, oe who I can go to with troubles and get an opinion, and so on. But even that is not always the case - one of my good friends is an agnostic party girl and another is an emotional Zionist.

[lilyka]

I don't think my religon is making it hard for me to make friends. I know it has been a wedge between some of my closer friends and I not so much because of the religon itself but because I am no longer on the same wave length as them as far as religon goes. Also a lot of people object to the icons in my home and consider them evil....

it is certainly making it hard for me to get a date as I will only date inside my faith. That sucks. It is hard to explain to a really sweet friend "you know I love you to bits and peices but I can't date you because of your religon or lack there of. "

[hopefulfaith]

OT here, but I'm stuck on Umsami's post:

Originally Posted by umsami

I think that my appearance (hijab) makes people wary of getting to know me, but it doesn't go the other way. Heck, I still get people assuming that I don't speak English because I wear hijab.

As for the view of the afterlife, Islam is big on God's mercy.... and it's kind of like this indescribable variable as to who goes to heaven. You can't underestimate it. There's numerous stories in the ahadith about people you would assume must be destined for hell, who do one good thing, so God grants them heaven. Two come to mind...

One is the story of a prostitute who sees a thirsty dog next to a well. She takes her shoe/leather sock and fills it up with water for the dog. So because of that one act of kindness, God grants her heaven.

There's also a story about a murderer. He didn't just kill one person, but a whole bunch. (Can't remember, exactly. I want to say 100...but that sounds like a lot.) He goes to this learned person, and asks if there's any chance that God can ever forgive him. The guy says, basically, yes... God's mercy always makes that possible. So the learned guy tells him to go to this city where there are a lot of people worshiping God--and to leave his old city, where there are lots of bad influences, etc. The murderer sets off for the good city, and dies on the way. God has the angels measure and see if the murderer was close to the good city, or closer to the old city. Because he was closer to the good city--God granted him heaven.

We're also taught that God will judge you based on the Prophet he gave you. So, Jews are judged based on what was given to Moses. Christians based on what was told to Jesus. Etc. Also, one of the biggies is don't judge other people harshly unless you want God to judge you harshly. I think those things keep most Muslims from being judgmental regarding who are their friends and who shouldn't be. We all know that we do bad stuff and need to rely on God's mercy. None of us are perfect.

Re: bolded -- This is one of the things I like best about Islam. I think it makes so much more sense than a "Christians should convert the whole world" sort of mentality. I'm a Christian, FWIW, but I've always instinctively felt like God gave me this, God gave you that, God gave her this, etc., and if we all just do what we are called to do...then so are we judged. I like that Islam spells that out.

OT, but: if you encounter people who think you don't speak English because you wear hijab...do you ever have fun with that? Because I would be tempted to.



In regard to the discussion:
I don't necessarily feel like it's hard for me to get to know people because of my faith/religion. I do sometimes feel like I'm judged because I'm a Christian -- lumped in with all of the conservative-Fox-News-Glenn-Beck-homophobe-angry-culty-myreligionistheonlyrightway-Christians --- I feel like people automatically assume I have a closed mind and am judging their religion/lack thereof/whatever. It always crosses my mind when people find out that I am Christian, that they're assuming a whole set of things about me.
I don't think it keeps me from trying to get to know people, though.

[Liquesce]

Originally Posted by hopefulfaith

OT, but: if you encounter people who think you don't speak English because you wear hijab...do you ever have fun with that? Because I would be tempted to.

I do.