My friend moved away, I need to move on

[MoonStarFalling]

My best friend of 20+ years moved to another state two years ago. She wanted a new beginning, wanted to be away from her family and try living her own life, and she got a great paying job there. I was supportive and never mentioned the fact that I was so sad over it even though inside I was freaking out. Ever since I've just been so sad and hoping she'll decide to come back home. She's only 4 hours away and we do see each other sometimes. Now she says she wants to move to the other side of the country!

She wants a new life, somewhere totally different, where she will settle down and raise a family. I'm so sad thinking about us raising our families apart and the chance of seeing each other maybe once a year.

I don't know if it's usual but I don't have siblings and she's the person I've been closest to my whole life. I'm torn over trying to support whatever she decides and telling her how sad this is for me.

This just doesn't seem like something I should be grieving over this badly. Don't people loose and gain friends pretty often without being so sad? I feel like I'm being ridiculous and I just need to move on and find someone to fill her place. I have lots of other friends but I don't feel like I'll ever find someone that means this much to me.

So am I over reacting? How do I get over this and move on? Do I tell her how sad I am about this?

[SeekingJoy]

If my brother moved far away, I would be that sad. And, I have lost two other friends at different points (moves, school, etc) that I have been that sad about. I don't think it is unusal to grieve the loss of a friend. And, I don't think it would be unkind to share how sad you are, while still supporting her in her decision to move on.

Is it out of the question for you to resettle closer to where she is planning to relocate?

[number572]

Is there another person or thing from your past that you lost and perhaps your friend moving opened some older wound? I had that happen once & once I connected the two events, I could see it clear enough to work thru the sadness.

Hug, its hard to mss a friend, & yours was also like your sister, thats pretty tough. Sending you peace & courage.

[mimosagirl]

That's great that you have a friend in your life you care about so much. I think you should be honest that you are sad and you two can work through it together. It's 'normal' that you could be so sensitive or sad about this.

Have you considered that it might not be a loss? So many things aren't forever. She could come back later to be near family. Maybe you two will make meaningful cross country trips to see each other. Try not to think of it as finite. Also remember it's probably hard for your friend too. But people have to go on and change if that is what they are seeking. You can still have a friendship even if you're not in the same place, for life!

I moved to Europe recently and all my bestest friends are in the states. My 'best' friend from home and I naturally end up IM chatting almost every day. We probably share even more and help each other in other ways that we didn't before. Luckily we are both fast typists and love the computer. Another close friend that I rarely see in the US came to visit me here in Europe and we had two weeks together like when we were teenagers. That's one secret- you might not get to see her as usual in the same context, but it's also an opportunity to do things in a different way, and create other memories. All this said, I know it is heart wrenching, I especially hate being away from my sister and felt like I've left her....but really nothing is forever.

Try to support your friend to make the change she needs and let her know how much she means to you. I read a great quote (i think Dr. Suess) "Don't cry because it's over, but smile because it happened. " Your friendship is NOT over of course, but maybe will enter a new phase.

Hugs!

[azgirl]

It is totally valid for you to feel incredibly sad about this. I agree that it may not be forever, but for now it is really a huge loss. I agree with PP, one of my good friends moved away for several years. We spoke and hung out sporadically. Life circumstances allowed me to go visit her (even though we had drifted apart) just when she had moved to a new city and had a baby and her husband was traveling. We really bonded over those few days and she ended up moving "home" to be near family and we hang out regularly. I enjoy our relationship but I know she might wander off again in search of new adventures and I am okay with that. You never know what the future holds, but what is happening right now is very very sad for you. Don't be hard on yourself for feeling bad.

[MoonStarFalling]

Thank you so much for all the encouraging words. You've given me a different perspective and some things to think about. I need to feel my own sadness so I can move on and feel excited for her and look forward to how our relationship is going to change. I need to look forward to an opportunity for new great things to happen.

[Hey Mama!]

Because of military moves I have had to say goodbye to several good friends. And yes, I did go through a mourning period for each one. It's hard to be so close to a person then not have that constant in your life anymore. I would be supportive of her decision but also let her know how much you miss her (but not naggingly) and look forward to visits, etc.