expectations for drop-in care

[orangecanoe]

If you practice gentle discipline at home, what expectations do you have when using short term drop-in care like a church nursery or gym babysitting room? That is to say, if a toddler is having trouble sharing, is hitting, tantrums, etc. --how do you expect the caregiver to handle it? Would you make allowances for techniques you don't use at home such as extended time outs, naughty spots, etc?

I had a disappointing experience recently and haven't yet handled it with the people responsible for the program, so I don't really want to hash it out with the specifics right now. It's not an option to not utilize this care from time to time, so I'm looking for ways to be proactive in my discussion about the incident in question and suggest alternatives that can be used w/ my DC (2yo) and other children that aren't as punitive.

[chfriend]

In drop in care, I would say, "If you have any problems, please come get me. Do not [whatever the behavior it is I don't want them to do.]"

[mommajb]

subbing in to see what people expect

[One_Girl]

When dd was younger I made sure I knew what type of discipline is used in a particular program or church before I had my dd go there. If I didn't like the discipline style I wouldn't drop her off. Even if you tell someone to do things a different way that doesn't mean that they will for just your child and it doesn't mean they will pass the news on to the other staff members. Now that dd is older I don't mind if other people use another discipline styles.

I think you should take this as a sign that you need to be more proactive about making sure that the places you drop your children off at are places where they will be treated in a way you are okay with. Now that you know that you don't like the discipline style you shouldn't use the facility.

[orangecanoe]

Originally Posted by One_Girl

I think you should take this as a sign that you need to be more proactive about making sure that the places you drop your children off at are places where they will be treated in a way you are okay with. Now that you know that you don't like the discipline style you shouldn't use the facility.

That's not quite so helpful. I said it wasn't an option that I not utilize this care from time to time, (i.e. it's not simply mommy wants her time w/ the stair climber drop-off/non AP on a whim childcare sitch)

Because of the nature of the program and the small size, my input will likely help in the short and long term guide what sort of practices and techniques they use. It was nothing so over the top (yelling, hitting, etc) that would cause me to not use it....it was just not so in line w/ my preferred GD methods of addressing toddler behavior.

[nina_yyc]

Find a way to talk to the other parents involved before going to the organizers. They have to discipline all the kids the same way and if all the other parents are hardcore time-out-ers or perceived as such you will have no luck.

[One_Girl]

There are rarely no other options available, sometimes it is inconvenient to change where you go for a particular thing or to find another way to get something done and we think that there could be no other option, but that doesn't erase the possibility of options except when something is court ordered or imposed on your child by the non-custodial parent. Even in church you have the option of keeping your child with you. It does take creativity to find other options and utilize them sometimes, but I have found that is a better option than having my child in a place where I don't agree with the discipline plan.

If you are set on using this place and are very sure that there are no other options and you just have to have your child there, then ask if you can make an appointment with the caregiver or supervisor to talk about what happened and suggest the use of a less punitive method that also will work in this situation. You can also e-mail the supervisor with what happened and offer suggestions about less punitive methods that also work in child care settings such as redirection, offering choices, putting away something that is creating lots of problems, etc...

[hakeber]

Originally Posted by nina_yyc

Find a way to talk to the other parents involved before going to the organizers. They have to discipline all the kids the same way and if all the other parents are hardcore time-out-ers or perceived as such you will have no luck.

I think this is a good idea.

If it is a small place and they would appreciate your input, then talk to them about your methods, and why it works, and offer training to their staff to help them manage it in a way you feel is more productive.

Keep in mind though that if they have more than one kid, they are probably going to have to implement it for everyone, so it has to be a method that can A) work with multiple kids at once B) apply to everyone C) not take the primary caregiver away from the safety needs of everyone else.

Is it possible for them to simply remove your dd from the group room until you come to get her? I don't really know the scenario, if this is an institutional type setting with the same kids most of the time, or a random drop in scenario with new people and new peers each time. In the latter I would probably only expect the absolute bare minimum of listening to my requests and have them call me if there was an issue. In cases like that I think it's sort of a love it or leave it situation. In the former, I would request a co-parent and carer meeting to discuss better discipline policies.

[orangecanoe]

Those suggestions are really helpful. It is at our church, so regular staff and some of the same kids week to week. I don't have any events this week and we won't be at services for a couple weeks so I have time to get some ideas/suggestions together. Thanks for the input!

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

If this isn't an every day sort of situation (and I'm guessing its not) and its not so outragious that I am turning purple over it (e.g. hitting, shaming, yelling), then I would probably just ignore it to a certain extent. Really, when my kids were toddlers the occassional time-out situation, as long as it was handled gently, wasn't going to kill them. Sometimes many kids, few/inexperienced caregivers and/or other circumstances mean that that circumstances are less than ideal and I sort of accepted that.

Now, if someone asked "How would you like to see this handled?" I would, of course, have suggestions along the GD lines. And I certainly would complain if things were worse than a timeout. And I had a different expectation of infants and very young toddlers than I did with older toddlers/preschool age kids. Or if there were an every day sort of things vs. once a week or less. So there are lots of variables at play in my response.