Single motherhood and homesteading

[honey-lilac]

Is it possible? Is it possible to move to start homesteading without a partner? Ideally I'm talking less urban homesteading (I know that is possible wherever you are) but getting out in the country as much as possible.

[justmama]

[BeckyBird]

If you know basic skills, then I say go for it! Knowing your way around simple power tools, basic gardening, etc. My idea of homesteading is a lot of hard, but basically simple, work.
I do have a hubby to help, but everything we do is something I can do on my own. Of course, if you are building large structures, you will probably need help anyways, or at least another set of hands to hold things. You can always pay a neighbor kid to come help with the big things. (Like building a greenhouse, a large coop, or something tall and heavy.)
I say you will and your child will benefit from getting back to the simple basics you can only find with homesteading!

[DirtRoadMama]

I'm currently on 3 acres out in the sticks. We moved out here a year ago, and, well, I've found myself recently single with a 2 year old and another on the way.

It's totally possible to be out here. Lots of women staked their own claims way back in the day, and we have a lot more daily chore help now, with ovens, running water, etc.

I've been writing out lists of everything I want to do, putting first things first, and just going for it. It's not a race, and you aren't going to get there in the first year or two. Heck, it takes a couple years for berries and fruit trees to get going! This year I'm trying to fix the major problems with the house, clean off the chopped down trees and fallen winter limbs (an unfinished project from the ex from this winter), put in my garden, and plant a few climbing roses to grow up to my bedroom balcony. I have a few other projects that are free or cheap to do, but labor intensive. But, I think those are the best projects, because while they might be hard, I don't have to worry about running out of funds halfway through.

I'm also hoping that I can get someone to trade a year rent of 1.3 acres of field plus a barn in exchange for finishing the fence to said field. So, take advantage of any bartering you can do. Use craigslist.

Also, I've found that some contractors will take a little pity on a single mom and will be willing to negotiate on their prices. Again, craigslist is a good resource. I found a man who has a skidloader, and he is out leveling my driveway right now. He was willing to do it for $100. That would have taken me at least 8 hours of doing it by hand.

I'm planning on putting in some berry bushes next spring, and hopefully some more fruit trees, too. There is a local farmer's market, and I think it's free to go sit out there. So I'm planning on taking any excess fruits and vegetables out there this summer. You can see if there is any way for you to sell your excess production, and that will help offset some of your costs, too.

Finally, I'm hoping I can get a single-mama friend of mine to move out here. She loves to garden and be out in the country too, so it would be a boon to my pocketbook and my land. She sounds very excited about it, and I think the only thing she's waiting on is to secure employment before moving (she lives one state over). So, you might be able to find someone like that, and that would help cover the mortgage and half the utilities.

In conclusion, it is daunting to look at this house and this land, and to know that it's just me and the kid(s). But, I hate living in town, and I can't imagine anything better than my little piece of land.

[1jooj]

DirtRoadMama, I am in awe. I hope things work out well for you in the long run.

I'm not way out in the country and I'm not a single mama. I am on a small 10-acre farm with livestock. I have two children, both now attending public school. I work part time off the farm. Dh works full time off farm and travels extensively, as much as 40% of the year, for 2-3 weeks at a time.

So I have long periods of doing everything myself.

DRM's advice is true whether you're on your own or not. Barter, get to know neighbors, use Craigslist (carefully!). If I were alone, even as close as I am to neighbors and town, I'd have a dog. A lot of the work is doable alone, but much is more fun with others. Farm types are used to lending a hand, I find, and you build social networks around learning and work. Scale projects to your appropriate size. Not so much garden that you can't keep up with it, not animals you can't handle yourself. I would also probably look for another single mama to live with cooperatively, too. I think there are enough women out there who share a dream of this lifestyle, and sharing rent would make the payments reasonable.

[honey-lilac]

Thanks for the awesome replies!

So, uh, where does one go about finding other single moms to homestead with? MDC?

[JB1972]

can be lots of work, but well worth it

I think that there can be no mistaking that homesteading is lots of work, even for two or more people. That said, country living provides many deeply rewarding experiences, and I wouldn't ever think about going back to the city personally. I only respond because I think that there is one very important thing to consider that hadn't been mentioned yet, and that is the often hospitable community spirit that many rural areas have. Getting some idea of what the neighbors are like could prove to be invaluable, in our area we've been blessed with many great folks who are always eager to help when help is needed. The local motto here, often cited: "we're all out here together, you just give us a ring any time you need a hand".
May you be so blessed in your own homestead,
JB

[DirtRoadMama]

Thanks, 1jooj! It doesn't seem all that hard right now. I'm trying to keep all my projects managable. For example, in my garden, the rows for the tomatoes have that black plastic row cover on it, with slits for the plants, so no weeding. All of the rows are exactly the width of a lawn mower, so again, no weeding. Finally, in the open planting space, I am going to do square foot gardening, so minimal weeding, with rows the width of a lawn mower between. Most projects can be done in that manner. That is why I am taking another year to put in my berries and fruit trees. I want the time to make sure I pick the best spot, and can plan my rows and maybe even put in my trelises this fall.

For finding another homesteading-type mama, I'd look here on MDC, perhaps mother earth news' online community, and even Craigslist. I've found that if you are careful with Craigslist (and part of that depends on where you live), you will find plenty of nice folks.

HOWEVER... make sure you are not purchasing the property with another person. Keep everything in your name. DO NOT give them interest in the house based upon their rent payments. You are not starting a partnership. You are offering a place to live for RENT and LABOR. Make sure you draw up a good rental and labor agreement. You don't want someone helping with the bills, but not with the garden, and then helping with the eating of said produce. I'm lucky in my first choice of roommate, because she and I have been friends for a long time. So, I know I don't have to worry about getting a raw deal, and neither does she. But, you always want a contract, even between friends. It will protect both parties.

You might even be able to find someone who needs a farmhand, in exchange for room and pay. That would help you get some experience in a rural setting, without putting out any capital to get there.

[StrongBeliever]

Yes! It can be done. Everyone here has already said it well. I would like to expand on 1jooj's thought... While it can be done alone, it doesn't necessarily have to be. Go in with somebody else, or maybe join an intentional community. They often have all the tools and a lot of friendly people to help out. I have often thought about opening my land to the beginning of an intentional community, but it needs a gob of work yet. But then again, a lot of work is easier done with lots of people, right? *haha* ic.org has many listings of communities all over the US and the world. Good luck on your quest.

[1jooj]

I think StrongBeliever's suggestions are good ones for someone looking to give it a whirl without a lot of experience. It's interesting how our thoughts are so colored by our own experiences. I grew up with farm experience, and generally comfortable in a range of rural cultures, so I think a lot of what we do is just...what we've always done, kwim? For someone who grew up in suburbs or a city, the learning curve might be bigger, and smaller steps may (or may not! ) work better.

But from the POV of the person with the farmstead, DRM's thoughts are spot-on. If you are looking to rent and labor share with someone who owns a farm, do not expect to earn rights to property. Labor = share in produce/farm goods. $$ = rent. Think about how much people spend renting garden plots or paying for quality produce. Think about how much farm laborers are paid. Expect to work a lot and eat well. At the same time, a partnership with a trusted friend could also work out to include cooperative shared childcare, which could give both moms a break and improve everyone's lives.

I have a mama-friend who loves the labor of the farm. She comes out and helps me with work whenever she can, everything from shoveling manure to feeding babies to picking tomatoes and pickling cukes. It's a win-win. I get help and my best friend's company, she gets the best food anywhere, we spend time together and our kids play like brothers and sisters.

[honey-lilac]

Well, a bit more about my situation.

I grew up, well, everywhere. Everywhere from rural European countryside (though not farm, just basically very isolated and very little in the way of utilities - and this was before the "green" movement, it was basically a peasant house with a hand-drawn well and no phones or electricity etc.) to the 28th floor of a Manhattan skyscraper.

I am currently married still but 99% sure won't be for very long. My (STBX?) is very modern and we compromised on a suburban plot which would be great but there is no land at ALL and it bothers the heck out of me, I feel so choked up and claustrophobic. I want to get a house in the country somewhere for my kids and myself. I don't mind isolation (we will homeschool anyway) but it just seems odd to go somewhere with no roots (no friends or family - heck we don't even have any anywhere) and move out in the country by ourselves. I wouldn't mind sharing the home with another single mama for company and childcare logistics (my kids are toddlers right now). I would ideally look for a house that had something like a finished basement with a bathroom or a bedroom on the other side of the house or something like that. I don't *really* want to join a co-op myself because I tend to like to have things my way . It's not that I don't play well with others, I do, but I think I would get resentful if there were community rules to follow or whatever. That's just being totally honest. Plus I'm somewhat of an introvert and my kids are spirited, so whew, I'd be worried if we didn't fit in.

I would have a decent chunk of money to buy a house with after this one (paid off) is sold. I mean not a luxury house or anything but something small with a bit of land. I want to be able to do my own thing there. Have some chickens and maybe goats or sheep and a cow - nothing crazy. We already garden (container garden for lack of other space) and I want to have some fruit trees and berry bushes and stuff like that. I'm thinking Wisconsin somewhere, a lot of people I grew up with moved out there for some reason and I don't mind cold winters. I don't have to live near the city as I will be working from home; as long as there is Internet I'm good, but probably not good enough to live WELL off that money - it would help out to have someone else there paying rent/utilities or at least sharing work. Especially at first when you have to create the space - upkeep is less work IMO than planning and groundbreaking. I'm not interested in BEING the labor, especially not with my two little kids, and again I would be paying for my property outright. (I would only buy a property I could afford outright, that's just how it is. Even if it's not MUCH, I don't want to owe anything.)

I'm not interested in jumping in full force and going off grid (again) and having this huge farm or anything. (At least not right now. ) I just kind of want a nice peaceful country life. I have the *skills* to do it (more or less, not perfectly but the general idea) and I don't think I'd be 100% self-sufficient at first but I wouldn't be totally lost there either. Just not sure if I'm crazy for wanting that sort of a lifestyle with two babies. STBX has been telling me for s long that I was crazy for having my dreams so at this point I'm not sure what is crazy and what isn't.

[DirtRoadMama]

If you have to ability to move anywhere, I would carefully research your options. If I could move anywhere in the US, I'd go somewhere with a much longer growing season and much milder winters. I grew up in the South, so that is where I'd go (well, that or Hawaii!!!). Keep in mind that you will be doing EVERYTHING yourself. Snowed in? You are going to be digging yourself out. Stuck in the mud? All you. So, for me, I'd rather have a short, brown winter with no snow to shovel and a wonderfully long growing season to get the most out of my land. I'm not ruling out moving back South after 5 years or so.

Further, if you have the cash to pay for your new home up front, then you may be able to find something that will allow you to not need another person there helping with the bills. If you can do your working from home at the same time as homeschooling, and then everyone works on the farm chores together, I'd think you'll be fine. I was home schooled since the second grade, and we had a little family farm (I think people call them hobby farms?) and we raised cows, goats, chickens, hogs, rabbits, and vegetable gardens. I also had a horse. Anyway, my mom stayed home, dad worked, and everyone was doing a lot of chores. We also had a lot of playtime. I think it gets easier to run the farm as the kids get older. Free labor and all that.

[honey-lilac]

The South, I suppose I could look into that more. I have never lived anywhere where it wasn't very snowy, but I see the appeal of a long growing season. But the summers scare me (heat + humidity = migraines and terribly short temper for me).

From my "work at home" it's really not going to cut it on my own. Right now (without getting TOO too too much into our finances) we live on about $1000 a month. That includes our really low utilities (about $200 a month all combined) and really low property tax ($1000 a year). Honestly STBX pulls most of that in. I make... a couple of hundred dollars at most. I have a college degree (in English ) and no, I mean no work experience. I am getting certified as a doula but without childcare I can't really do that. I have no resume and no real skills at the moment. I mean, I have lots of skills but those of a homemaker, and nothing EXCEPTIONAL at that. I can knit a scarf but not cute crafts. I can cook but I can't start a home-based catering business. That sort of thing. I can do little odd jobs here and there like childcare and selling things on Craigslist and some very minor web design and stuff like that but it's not enough to live lavishly. The house is inherited so that's how it's paid off. My STBX blew our savings so that is mostly gone; I'd be looking at a house slightly cheaper than the one we have now to pay for moving and closing costs and the like, and then start from scratch. The tentative idea is that if I could get a renter to pay enough to cover property taxes and utilities then I could make up the rest (for food, clothes, etc.) in odd jobs. Not a lavish existence but workable for a few years until I build up enough resources to expand my home based business or figure something out as far as more significant home-based employment goes. (Child support is not going to exist, and if it does it's going to be VERY low - he lives off of disability and does not work. We were able to also live off that check but it's going to dry up now.)

OK, that was a long essay, sorry!

[DirtRoadMama]

No, it's good to know that; it will help us give ideas!

If you don't like heat and humidity, you can try the southwest. It's hot, but dry. Just look around and choose what is best for you!

[justmama]

Originally Posted by honey-lilac

Thanks for the awesome replies!

So, uh, where does one go about finding other single moms to homestead with? MDC?

me me me! pick me!!! ooooooh ooooooh ooooooh!

Any chance you want to move to New England? Lots of snow, short growing season? Sound appealing?

[honey-lilac]

Well I'm from CT (well, that and all over, but mostly CT) so yes, definitely. We moved away from the coast because of the high COL and taxes there, but if there was something affordable I would totally love to go back. I miss my New England seasons.

[honey-lilac]

From a total "let's see what there is" via Zillow the houses itself look decent for the price, there's not a huge selection within the price range but there are a few. But the property taxes are MUCH higher than here (about 4-5 times as much) and utilities, I imagine, are too.

Like this house looks OK (and even has a mother-in-law suite, the furniture could go though ) but the taxes in the area for that type of house are like $4500 and up. And I can't imagine the utilities.

This house looks OK too but again with the taxes and it's only on 1.6 acres - "only" being relative, I'm sure a lot can be done on that one acre (zoning laws permitting).

Maybe there are less tax-expensive areas up there? CT is out of the question so I was looking at VT and NH and stuff and they're pretty tax heavy.

Suppose could just get something like a cabin or something on some land but that's a bit more off-grid than I had a mind to jump into right off - especially with those winters.

Anyway, I ramble.

[1jooj]

Those were short sales and pretty small acreages...around here, if you get a "farm," which is zoned for ag and taxed at a lower rate, you'll find the acreage you need to own livestock, and not be as heavily taxed. I'm in WI.

Our out-of town real estate market didn't tank like the subdivisions and towns did...which, considering the rest of the US, isn't bad, either. You can find properties within 100mi or so of where I live ranging from $160 on 5+ acres. Size and condition of homes vary widely. Most old farmhouses have 1 bath, but bright side is many have extra first-story rooms that could serve as a more private bedroom for a second party, and most places with this description already have outbuildings for storage and livestock housing. Our place was listed literally at the peak peak of the market bubble at just under $199k for a 4BR house on 10 acres with garage, shed, chicken coop and old (good condition) dairy barn. Needs work, which we're doing, but with the improvements we've made it would now list at $250k (3 years).

[honey-lilac]

That sounds wonderful! Where do you find out about these deals? Do the "regular" real estate agents list them or is there a seperate way to find out?

[1jooj]

PM'd you.