Pregnant & Bf'ing..strongly considering Nightweaning..plz help!

[jackiev0626]

I know there are a couple of other posts with a similar situation, but I have a few extra questions and concerns. DS is 19mo. old and I am 21 weeks preg. For that past couple of weeks I have been feeling very frustrated about his night-nursing. It's weird, I don't mind it at all during the day..just at night! He nurses more frequent and it has begun to wake me up, and I cant fall back asleep until he unlatches. This goes on all night. I never thought I would feel like this, but the best way I can describe it is a feeling of a really bad itch you can't scratch. Or like someone scratching their nails down a chalkboard. I just want to pull my hair out!
I think alot of it has to do with me being pregnant and the fact that my milk supply has dwindled alot to the point where I don't even know how much milk he's getting, and it seems he's just using me as a paci. So, the only solution I can think of is nightweaning. I feel very strongly about child-led weaning, so I am really torn. I'm worried what effect it will have on him. Will he be confused when I allow him to nurse during the day? Will he think I am weaning him completely? Is he too young? Does he still need it emotionally? I just don't know what to do, but at this point I feel like I can't take it anymore..I'm exhausted! And I keep thinking about when the baby comes, there's no way I can nurse them both all through the night! I should also mention my son has always only nursed on one breast (LONG story) and my other has been completely dried up since he was 2 mo. old. I am definately going to try to get it working again once my milk comes back, though.
I've tried to refuse it to him during the night a couple of times, but it only lasted like a couple of minutes. He would just keep crying and trying to get to my boob and pulling at my shirt, until I would just give in, and lay there miserable, unable to fall asleep, staring at the clock.
I think the only way it will work is if I sleep on the couch a few nights and let Dh take over nighttime parenting (he gets him to sleep at night, and is very successful getting him back to sleep). The only problem is that he works 8-5, and would be exhausted. Also, I'm scared Ds will feel as if I'm abandoning him. I'm sorry to be rambling, but I'm at my wits end and I don't know who else to turn to. No one in my family has bf past a year, so everyone's advice is he needs to wean completely before that baby comes! Which I am TOTALLY against. I plan on tandem nursing, but I just cant take it at night anymore. Please help!!!

[ewe+lamb]

OK, take a deep breath - it's all going to work out fine!

Although your ds is only 21 months, I would suggest explaining to him what's going on, not that it's for the baby coming but that you're finding it hard at night, that he can nurse to sleep daddy's going to look after him - maybe your dh could take a couple of days off work so that he doesn't get too tired either!! and then your ds can nurse again when the alarm goes off in the morning, take some water in a sippy cup for him during the night and maybe for the first week or so half a banana just in case he's hungry - show him what you are doing so that he can see that you're not abandoning him, you're all just moving into another routine. Explain that he can nurse during the day and have extra special cuddles and hugs with him so that he knows that you are still there for him - it's amazing how understanding toddlers can be. Can I suggest also that you read the book Adventures in Tandem Nursing - it's a really honest read.

Before our ds was born our dd stopped nursing for 4/5 weeks before he arrived and then started nursing again when ds was 1 week old, it would have been sooner but I was in the hospital for that time, just letting you know that you can assume some things and then your child shows you something different so to have an open mind to whats going on. Good luck it'll all be fine.

[doubledutch]

i had that exact same experience, where it's only unbearable at night. during the day, it's fine. (also intact boys, also planned hbac, lol.) my ds1 was a bit younger. i ended up night weaning at 18 months, just before i was due. i used the book "the no-cry sleep solution for toddlers" and it was really helpful. it's not a set plan. it has a lot of ideas to help you make a plan that will work for your family. it was about a week-long process for us and it was accomplished without crying, even though he would scream any time i tried to deny him at night prior to that.

he did end up continuing to nurse to 3 years, 3 months (21 months of tandem nursing!). i don't think the night weaning hurt him in any way.

oh, i also definitely recommend "adventures in tandem nursing".

[~Katie~]

Hey neighbor!

I started night weaning DS pretty early in my pregnancy, it took 3 or 4 months of very gradual weaning but was a lot easier than I imagined it would be once I finally found a way to comfort him that didn't require nursing. I was definitely influenced by Dr. Jay Gordon's night weaning plan, so instead of nursing I would pat his back or rub his head and find other ways to comfort him back to sleep. If he would absolutely not be comforted any other way I'd nurse. It takes some persistence on your part but it does get better, and they begin to sleep better as well. It's possible to have some boundaries and still follow child-led weaning in a way that works for everyone. It did not influence his nursing during the day and he's still tandem nursing now, but it did help me to get much needed sleep during my pregnancy. I hope you're able to find something that works for you.

[jackiev0626]

Thanks guys so much for the advice!! It's really weird, but the past few nights haven't been so bad (I don't even get woken up in the middle of the night from it). Like, now I'm second-guessing if I SHOULD night-wean him. I don't know if it's the preggo hormones that's making it come and go or what.
I do have the book Adventures in Tandem Nursing, and it is helpful!

ewe+lamb: the sippy cup of water was a great help! I actually feel bad now, because he gets really thirsty in the middle of the night and drinks it every time I offer, and the fact that my milk supply has decreased so much it's not enough for him! Thanks!!!

doubledutch: I will check out that book, thanks!