Scared I might be pregnant

[First Time Mama]

So DH and I have been talking about TTC #2 for a long time and child spacing. I have been thinking about it for over a year. In the last few months I have felt so ambivalent about a 2nd child, some days it seems like a great idea, other days it seems like a bad one. Well, we dtd yesterday morning without any protection and I had fertile cf. During, I just couldn''t decide if I wanted to try or not, and my mind kept going back and forth, and then I didn't tell him to use a condom. DH is excited about the posibility of another. I haven't been temping so I won't be able to tell with temperature, I will just have to POAS in a while. I got pregnant with DS on the first try, and so it's likely this time too, I think I O'dd yesterday or today. We don't want DS to be much older than a sibling,and he's already two and a half. I actually feel like about a 3 year spacing is perfect for our family. However, DH is a full time graduate student right now. We are living entirely off student loans. I feel like it isn't financially responsible to have another before he graduates (in Sept 2011), but we don't want kids spaced that far apart. And really, we don't know where we will be living then, that is actually more up in the air than the next year and a half. I want to plan a homebirth, and I honestly don't know how we will afford a midwife. I planned a homebirth with DS had a transfer and a c/s. I have worked a lot emotionally on it, but now thinking I could really be pregnant I am terrified I'll have a c/s again after trying so hard again to have a homebirth. My c/s devastated me, how would I recover from another? I had a panic attack this morning thinking I could be pregnant, and how can we afford to bring another person into this world when we can't even afford all of our own bills, (our parents, DH and mine) help us with a few bills. I feel like I made a big mistake. DH is of the opinion that money will work out, and we'll find solutions. I am just terrified right now and I can't do anything but wait. I suppose part of me must of been at least some what ready because I didn't insist on BC like last month... I also just feel like some of what is/was holding me back was my fear of another c/s traumatic birth, but that fear is never going to go away, weather we TTC now or in a few years. I will never truly be over it, or ready like I was when TTC DS. And our financial situation isn't going to be any different a few months from now (when we were planning to TTC), than it is right now, we have to wait over a year and a half for that. I would feel a lot better if we already had a few thousand extra saved up. But we don't... I am a SAHM and I want to continue to be, but I'm afraid DH getting a job would have a negative impact on his grades in his grad school program he needs to maintains B's or above. Ahhhh, what were we thinking???? Please tell me it will be okay.

[lovebeingamomma]

If it makes you feel any better you only have a 25% chance of getting pregnant IF you are reading your signals right. I got pregnant the first time too, the next time it took 5 months of actively trying, so don't freak out until you get a positive! And then if you get a positive...YES, It will be ok I think you'll be surprisingly happy, money and all that other stuff...it all works itself out, there's just no feeling like knowing there's another little bundle of joy on the way So start taking your pre-natal vitamins just in case!

[larablue]

I can understand you. I have this ambivalence as well.

Start temping right now- at least then you know whether you already had a temperature shift or not (considering you know your usual temperatures before and after ovulation) and if you temperature stays up longer than than 18 days you know you are pregnant.
So you can spare yourself the test.

Good luck for whatever you feel is right for you.

[First Time Mama]

Thanks for the responses. I know I shouldn't jump into thinking I'm pregnant, it's just with DS it happened right away, I guess that convinced me it would next time too. I'm still really nervous and hope that I am not pregnant. I just don't feel ready. I think ovulation was the 15 or 16 based on cf pattern. I temped the last 3 mornings, 98.3, 97.8 and 98.0 The first was at 8:30, the last two temps were taken at 7:15. So kind of all over. I'm sure ovulation is over though, my cf dried up. When is the earliest that I could test and expect to get a reasonable answer? 8 or 10 DPO? It's really hard just waiting and not knowing. Once I know one way or the other, I'll be able to move forward from there.

[bumbblehorse]

dont stress out. if it happens, it happens. My SIL and her hubby have two kids and a 3rd on the way and she gave me the best advice about having more kids in a financially stressed world: you make it happen. You may not know how you can but you will figure it out and everything will be ok.