or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › Birth and Beyond › Postpartum Depression › how to cope with anxiety, fears
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

how to cope with anxiety, fears

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 
I feel my life is over but not because I am stuck at home with a baby but because I am worried about my child. I cry every day, I blame my husband and my mother in my depression. I am afraid that my child is ruined forever that he might be autistic although he is only 4 -week old. When I ask my husband for help and explain what I need he usually does it his way and I become hysterical every time when he doesn't do it the way I asked. For example, the other day I asked him not to warm up milk in a plastic bottle. And of course, I caught him doing it anyway. I don't sleep till 5 o'clock in the morning as my husband has to sleep at night. Sometimes I can't go to bed till 7 as my newborn doesn't sleep well at all and needs lots of attention. So my husband knowing that I don't sleep all night long calls maintenance workers at 11 o'clock. For the first time I feel that I don't have any respect left for this man. Our relationship was pretty darn close to perfect before. It started in a hospital. I told my husband hundred times that I didn't want to vaccinate my child without investigating first which vaccines he would really need. So when a nurse spoke of Hep B vaccination I turned to my husband and said "remember what I told you about vaccinations". Then the nurse says one phrase "you don't want you child to have hepatitis" and immediately he said "yes" to that. If I wasn't a drugged idiot who couldn't think clearly at that moment I would never agreed to that vaccination. But the stupid nurse wanted it my husband wanted it and I agreed. He could be more supportive. He could have read something about that vaccine before giving it our newborn baby. But it looks like it is much easier for him to say "YES" to everybody and everything. My mother is another person who aggravated the situation by making a scandal just a week after I gave birth. She got drunk and all night long she was yelping that I was treating her like a maid. My husband asked her couple of times to stop yelping. She didn't even care that he had to get up at 4 o'clock in the morning to go to work she kept yelping. I invited her from another country. She didn't see me for at least 4 years. My husband and I were sending her money for 7 years. She didn't work since I married, telling everybody that she was going to live with me. First of all, I didn't even want her to come. She wanted to come. I didn't even tell her about my pregnancy. When she arrived I was 7 month pregnant and bedridden. Obviously I needed help. The last thing I heard from her was: " The only reason I came here to see if you are placed in mental home". I don't think I will ever forgive her for that. She has never been a good mother and become even more horrible grandmother. I am not going to take antidepressants as I am breastfeeding.
post #2 of 6
Remo -

Having a new baby, especially the first time, is really really tough. Things will get better, a little bit better every day. I promise they really will.

Some things to help:
* even a small amount more sleep will help you feel a bit little better. When you feel anxiety about something, remind yourself that you are tired. try to take an occasional nap.
* talk with your doctor or midwife. Let them know you are having significant anxiety. A midwife may be able to offer reassurance and referrals. With a doctor, just expect referrals to local help. You can also as the pediatrician.
* as the weather gets better, look for quiet places to take your baby out ... local library story time is a good place to go. Spending time with other new moms can help you feel better. You are not the only one who is tired!
* many, many breastfeeding moms take meds for anxiety. Zoloft is a common choice and is very very effective. It will not harm your baby.

It sounds like your mom is a huge source of stress right now. Don't be afraid to send her to stay with another relative or to change her return flight date ... to tomorrow. You need to do what is best for you and the baby and not worry about her feelings. At the very least, keep her away from alcohol. Not all Moms make good company for their daughters after a baby is born - you have found out the hard way that your mom is not one of them.

I really hope you are feeling better soon. s
post #3 of 6
If you could find the right person, I think that an appt of some sort could REALLY help you. A therapist so you can talk things over in a non-charged atmosphere? I was extremely fortunately to find an awesome naturopathic doctor recently. I think back to all the visits with midwives and doctors I've had over the last few years--they had no idea about mood problems or mental illness. But this naturopathic doctor wanted to know about ALL my symtpoms and suggested some likely nutritional and medical causes for my problems, as well as ways to treat it. It was such a relief to find someone who could do more than write me a prescription. If you do see a doctor or midwife, bring your husband with you to the appt.

I second the idea of sending your mother away. Is it possible that she has mental health or mood or anxiety problems? Maybe you inherited a vulnerability to those things from her...

It is possible that your husband isn't trusting you/supporting you because you are so anxious and not acting like yourself. At least partly?

Can you spell out some specific way he can help you? "Will you brainstorm with me ways that I can get more sleep?" "When I get really worried and cry a lot it would help me if you would comfort me by ____"

I also suggest that you try to find some more support IRL. Could you go to a Le Leche League meeting? Or find a parent group through MOPS or a local hospital or something?

Read through some more of the threads on this forum, too. You'll see that a lot of other mamas have gone through this, see some strong patterns (husband problems, sleep problems, anxieties about the baby, etc) and see some of the solutions suggested.

post #4 of 6
I think this is all totally normal

I pretty much went through the same thing- to the point I thought I had made the worst mistake and ruined my life/my DH life FOREVER and we were totally alone in terms of support which made it really rough on my DH and I relationship..

but..

I am now 3.5 months out and here to say it really does get better. The first few months, when it was my first was a total shock to the system. .

I have to go, DS is fussing but feel free to PM me if you want to talk more.

you are not alone.
post #5 of 6
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by K-Mom3 View Post

It is possible that your husband isn't trusting you/supporting you because you are so anxious and not acting like yourself. At least partly?

Can you spell out some specific way he can help you? "Will you brainstorm with me ways that I can get more sleep?" "When I get really worried and cry a lot it would help me if you would comfort me by ____"

I also suggest that you try to find some more support IRL. Could you go to a Le Leche League meeting? Or find a parent group through MOPS or a local hospital or something?



No, it is just pure ignorance on his side. For example, I asked him not to warm up milk in a plastic bottle and I caught him doing it anyway. He doesn't warm up his own food in plastic what for to do it for a newborn? Obviously, I exploded. Or I asked him tell the nurse that I didn't want to vaccinate my child at birth, he agreed to that Hepatitis B vaccination anyway although I told him MULTIPLE TIMES that I wasn't going to vaccinate before.
Quote:
Originally Posted by K-Mom3 View Post



I also suggest that you try to find some more support IRL. Could you go to a Le Leche League meeting? Or find a parent group through MOPS or a local hospital or something?



I can't go anywhere as I happen to have a child who always cries. He is a bad sleeper. When I am trying to sleep he wakes up and cries every half an hour after being fed and changed. I don't have time even to cook anymore. I am afraid he is hyperactive.
post #6 of 6
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SleeplessMommy View Post
Remo -

It sounds like your mom is a huge source of stress right now. Don't be afraid to send her to stay with another relative or to change her return flight date ... to tomorrow. You need to do what is best for you and the baby and not worry about her feelings. At the very least, keep her away from alcohol. Not all Moms make good company for their daughters after a baby is born - you have found out the hard way that your mom is not one of them.
I did ...the following day although I needed help.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Postpartum Depression
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › Birth and Beyond › Postpartum Depression › how to cope with anxiety, fears