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Do you ever lie about your childs age? - Page 2

post #21 of 133
I can't remember specifically, but I'm sure I lied at the movies (or no one asked, but I would have lied) when my kids were 2 or 3 and qualified to go in for free if they were a year younger. I'd do it again . . . and I wouldn't feel bad about it, either (nor would I feel like I was setting a bad example for my kids . . . I'd just explain why we were doing it).
post #22 of 133
I remember waiting in line with 4 yo dd for a puppet show, for kids ages 3-5. There were at least 3 people ahead of us whose children I knew were 6. There was a space limitation and we didn't get in. I felt that was really unfair.

Otherwise, we tend to go places where I WANT the organizers/establishment to do well financially; we want to support them. For example, public transit. We've been told many times by the drivers that they "dont enforce" fares for 5-6 year olds (under 5s are free). I know this, because for a couple of months after dd turned 5, I sometimes forgot she needed to pay now and didn't have the fare. In those situations, the bus driver really did just wave us on. Of course, it occurred to me that I could just not pay for a while, but why would I do that? It was good to be able to give dd her ticket and let her pay. She felt like a big girl.

It's harder to see the harm when it's a place like Disneyland, making a gazillion dollars' profit. I don't know. I would NEVER ask/let dd lie about her age or tell someone she was an age she wasn't. She'd call me on it, anyway. It's easy to say that as a middle-class family, though. What if your child just couldn't experience something fun because you couldn't pay?I wouldn't judge someone who made that call.
post #23 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by ameliabedelia View Post
I would never lie to save admission price, that is stealing.

As far as your situation, I don't really think you needed to lie. THey have no idea if you have a dh who could have watched your younger dd or taken her to the younger program. I'm sure if you just said "she's tagging along with big 5-yo brother" that would have been fine...lots of 4-6 yos are going to have younger siblings who might have to tag-along.
This and This. I wouldn't lie to get a cheaper price, and usually if I just ASK, nobody has an issue. I've taken DS to things he wasn't "old enough" for, but as long as he's not disruptive, nobody ever seems to mind.
post #24 of 133
As others have noted lying about my son's age to get in somehwere free is stealing. That is not a value I want to encourage in him.

And as always I find Tigerchild to be the voice of reason. Wonderful post and while I have not yet been in a position to lie about my son's age for a particluar activity I will remember this post and not do it.

There are so many activities that ARE geared towards his age I would hate to deny another child a spot because I was not truthful.
post #25 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie Mac View Post
I also think it's confusing for the child. We teach them not to lie, and then they see us doing it when it's to our advantage. I never did it with my daughter.
Quote:
Originally Posted by One_Girl View Post
I haven't lied about dd's age and I try not to lie about other things in front of her. I don't think it sends a good message to kids about honesty.
I think these are good points as well. If you lie about your child's age to get them in for lower admission or a spot in an activity they wouldn't be allowed to take otherwise, it won't be surprising if that child lies as a teenager to get into adult movies, bars, buy alcohol, drive without a license.....

If the parents don't think the rules apply, why would the kids?
post #26 of 133
As others have said, I wouldn't lie to save money or if there was a safety concern.

I do occasionally take my 18 month old to the 2-6 year old storytime that is at the library closest to our house. The librarians know how old he is and have specifically invited him and said the ages are only guidelines and it is okay. That is nice because it is at a time that works well for us and is 7 minutes from our house as opposed to the other libraries that have younger storytimes but are further away and earlier in the morning.

What I mean to say here is that usually if the age "limits" are just guidelines, you don't need to lie to attend things. Otherwise, there is likely a reason.
post #27 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by betsyj View Post

There are so many activities that ARE geared towards his age I would hate to deny another child a spot because I was not truthful.
This is a good point. We have story times at the library for 0-18mo, 18mo-3, and 3-5, but everyone wants to come to the baby one and they frequently run out of tickets. Mini vent here: I'm starting to think the parents are just coming to chat, and since the toddler time requires them to actually help the child with a craft or activity, they come to the baby one and let their (bored) kid run loose during the singing. Yes, I know the ages of the particular ones I'm thinking about are 2ish. I'm extra annoyed today because my new walker got bowled over by a big kid who was running around during the bubbles at the end.
post #28 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by carfreemama View Post
I remember waiting in line with 4 yo dd for a puppet show, for kids ages 3-5. There were at least 3 people ahead of us whose children I knew were 6. There was a space limitation and we didn't get in. I felt that was really unfair.
That would tick me off big time.

The closest I come to lying is letting dd1 order from the kids menu, when she is over the age listed on it. Hasn't been an issue in years, but when it was, we let her.
post #29 of 133
I haven't lied about my kids ages to save money on admission.

We have "lied" about ages before. DS has an 8/31 birthday. During the summer the library activities are divided by age (rather than birthday) so we have "lied" to get him into the group with his class mates (so, the summer before he went to kindergarten he was still 4, but they had stuff that was clearly for kinders. we asked the librarian and they said to lie about his age because they weren't set up to take him as a 4 but he was totally ready to do the kinder things).

We haven't directly lied (verbally) in a food situation, but I have asked for a kids meal menu for DD when I know she is over the age limit. BUT, at Red Robin she likes the mac & cheese on the kids meal and doesn't eat meat, so there is no option on the adults meal that she will eat. When she was 8 (so under the age) we often ended up buying her 2 kids meals anyway. I think we'll be doing that until she is like 12 (kids meals for under 10s) and then she's going to have to come up with something else she will eat! Most places, though, we've asked and they have said that was fine (Outback, Claim Jumper, Disneyland...).
post #30 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishmommy View Post
The closest I come to lying is letting dd1 order from the kids menu, when she is over the age listed on it. Hasn't been an issue in years, but when it was, we let her.
cross post

Oh, I also remembered--- sometimes during the fall I will say DD is "almost" her next age. She did early entrance/grade skip so, like on her soccer team she is was a year ahead in school from the other kids but I was just like, "Oh theres a wierd cut-off and her birthday's just over the line" or something like that--- yeah, "just" 5 months over the line. Sometimes it's just not worth the investment in why she's in the "wrong" grade (and now that we've held DS back a grade, I assume I will do the same point at sometime---"oh, he just turned ____")
post #31 of 133
No, but I have explained that my child is more mature than her age (I only have one that is, of my three ) & have gotten her into things that way that she ordinarily wouldn't have been old enough for. I wouldn't lie, because my kid would bust me every time. She would never let anyone call her the wrong age & not correct them.
post #32 of 133
I don't lie b/c I want to model truthful responsible behavior to my kids. I wouldn't correct someone else, but I would privately tell my DC how our actions reflect our values, etc. In the OP's sitch, I would have just asked if I could take my younger in w/ my older. I'm sure they would've agreed. I've put my oldest in things/programs he was "almost" old enough for by asking.

Whew, that sounds really judgy and I'm not, and I've certainly told a whopper or two in my time for my own personal gain, it's just that w/ my DC being young and impressionable I try to hold myself to a higher standard when they're around.
post #33 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by ameliabedelia View Post
I would never lie to save admission price, that is stealing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pandora665 View Post
I don't lie, but I will round a bit. Not for admission, but when strangers ask me, I often will say "3" if DD is having an off day and is acting a bit younger than usual or.... "3 1/2, almost 4" if she's reading books out loud and people are acting like she shouldn't know how to read yet. I wouldn't round for rollercoaster rides or anything where it was a safety issue, though.




Quote:
Originally Posted by carfreemama View Post

It's harder to see the harm when it's a place like Disneyland, making a gazillion dollars' profit. I don't know. I would NEVER ask/let dd lie about her age or tell someone she was an age she wasn't. She'd call me on it, anyway. It's easy to say that as a middle-class family, though. What if your child just couldn't experience something fun because you couldn't pay?I wouldn't judge someone who made that call.

This point of view is hard for me to be accustomed to. If I invent something that becomes large and popular and makes me rich charging admission it's okay for *some* people to steal from me because they have not met me as an individual? Why do we punish businesses for success by assuming we can steal from them?
post #34 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by chickabiddy View Post
I would not lie to save money: as others wrote, that's stealing and a very bad example.
Yep. I remember my mom coaching me to lie about my age in order to get in free or at a reduced rate to the movies, amusement parks, arts events and stuff. She did this ALL THE TIME. Even as a little kid, I knew it was wrong.

I did lie about DS's age while on vacation. We wanted to eat at a restaurant that did not allow kids under the age of 5. (we have visited this particular restaurant many times over the years, both DS was born and after when he was with his Nana)

DS is nearly 4.5 years old. When making the reservation, the employee asked me 1.) if there were children in the group? and 2.) is the child 5 years of age or older? I lied and said "he is 5 years old."

To the best of my knowledge, safety has nothing to do with their age restriction. The place isn't particularly fancy, it is open air so noise isn't the issue.

DS knows how to sit still at a restaurant and if, for some weird reason, he would have misbehaved, we would have left immediately.

I was so proud of DS. He ordered off the menu, cleared his plate and then tried both of our dinners. (The waiter argued with me saying DS wouldn't eat duck and I should order him pasta) He sat quietly the entire meal. When we were settling the check, the owner came over to us and complimented DS's behavior and excellent entree choice.

DH and I were just dying to say "he is only 4 years old!" on our way out the door but we didn't.

ETA - I have already told my mother that I do not approve of the lying for free/reduced admission thing and she is to never encourage/allow DS to participate in doing it. If she can't bare to part with the $5 for a ticket, I will send DS with money to cover his activities.
post #35 of 133
Wow. I'm really surprised that so many people think it's okay to lie (by commission or omission) in order to save money on something. To me that's stealing, the moral equivalent of reaching into the cash register and taking a few dollars.

Needless to say, I never lied. Cashiers did look askance at me sometimes when I gave my child's true age, because she always looked much older than she was (like, at 7 she passed for 11 or 12). I was always a little irked at that, but I guess since so many of you do lie in this situation it makes it more understandable.

I saw a buffet restaurant recently with child rates based on height, which seemed really unfair to me because my kid had always been so tall (she reached their 'adult' height at age 8)... but if people lie about ages so much, I guess I shouldn't be surprised.
post #36 of 133
I can't think of a time we outright lied. I know my oldest (now almost 15yo) ordered off the children's menu well past the 10-12 year age restriction they usually have. Always in cases where there was NOTHING on the adult menu she'd eat. I know a lot of adults order from the children's menu if they can (to get a more reasonable portion) and no one ever said anything to us about dd, so I wasn't about to make her order something she didn't want and wouldn't eat, just because she wasn't under 12. She started branching out and order from the regular menu about a year ago. Now my 11yo likes to use the children's menu--while he'd rather have larger portions he's going through a picky stage was well and loves to get things like the pasta that Outback has on the kids' menu--they don't have anything comparable on the regular menu.
post #37 of 133
No, I haven't. I won't ever do it to save money. And the one time I was tempted based on ability, our kids wouldn't let me!

We were at Legoland in December. There's a Jr. Driving School for kids 3-5, and the regular one for kids 6+. There were kids who certainly looked younger than dd riding on the regular one.

Dd really wanted to go on the regular one. I gave her the choice: We can lie and say you're 6, or we can ask to see if they'll let you on. Both of the kids were adamant that they did not want me to lie. (I confess that I would happily have done so, because I know dd had the ability to do the ride.) And no, they didn't let her on. Too bad because there was no line and she would have been fine.

ETA: I've been irked by the buffet restaurants that charge based on height too. Ds is really tall for his age, and he eats like a bird. We've had to pay 'full price' for him before. Only once did we get a break, but that's because the employee looked at him, took his height and then said "How old is he? He's not going to eat that much, let me charge you the lower rate." I appreciated it.
post #38 of 133
For saving the price of admission, I can think of one instance where it's okay--when the people taking your money won't believe you about your true age. For instance, I've heard of women who are under 5' tall having trouble with people accusing them of forging IDs "don't be silly sweetie, you can't be an adult, just buy the kids' ticket and go in." A patronization and condescension fee is perfectly reasonable.
post #39 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by mbhf View Post
My 5yo would love to ride the bigger roller coasters at amusement parks and I'm sure he would really enjoy them but it's not my place to tell him he can.
??? Except that roller coaster safety has to do with fitting into the harnesses correctly, so it's a height thing. If they've got an age-based rule where you visit that means that some short 6 year old's going to get flung out of a ride some day. :
post #40 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shellie View Post
Now my 11yo likes to use the children's menu--while he'd rather have larger portions he's going through a picky stage was well and loves to get things like the pasta that Outback has on the kids' menu--they don't have anything comparable on the regular menu.
As mentioned before, that is one of the places that we "lie" as well--- for the same reason! Except we have asked and they have no problem with people ordering off the kids meal (I order off the kids meal if we are going to get an appitizer and/or dessert).

Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post
For saving the price of admission, I can think of one instance where it's okay--when the people taking your money won't believe you about your true age. For instance, I've heard of women who are under 5' tall having trouble with people accusing them of forging IDs "don't be silly sweetie, you can't be an adult, just buy the kids' ticket and go in." A patronization and condescension fee is perfectly reasonable.
That *totally* seems fair to me! In the same way, IMO, if a place asks if you are eligible for a senior discount, they should just GIVE it to you. I have seen people asked who are years and years away from the age and based on the hit to their ego they should get more than 10% off or a free drink!
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