or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Do you ever lie about your childs age?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Do you ever lie about your childs age? - Page 4

post #61 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by betsyj View Post
As others have noted lying about my son's age to get in somehwere free is stealing. That is not a value I want to encourage in him.

And as always I find Tigerchild to be the voice of reason. Wonderful post and while I have not yet been in a position to lie about my son's age for a particluar activity I will remember this post and not do it.

There are so many activities that ARE geared towards his age I would hate to deny another child a spot because I was not truthful.
I agree especially with the bold part.
post #62 of 133
I highly doubt we are teaching our children to lie and steal when we fudge their age to get a free admission into a place. No place says 8 and unders get in free ....its either 3 and under or 4 and under....what 3 or 4 year old do you know who stands right close to you, can hear you talking to the cashier whilst you 'lie' about their age to get in free (and understand all of that?)...and even if they were standing that close to you whilst you paid - paying in and of itself it a pretty arbitary concept to them ....they arn't paying attention to what you are doing and they have no idea that you have just not paid for them based on another arbitary concept to them - age! lol
post #63 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by ann_of_loxley View Post
I highly doubt we are teaching our children to lie and steal when we fudge their age to get a free admission into a place. No place says 8 and unders get in free ....its either 3 and under or 4 and under....what 3 or 4 year old do you know who stands right close to you, can hear you talking to the cashier whilst you 'lie' about their age to get in free (and understand all of that?)...and even if they were standing that close to you whilst you paid - paying in and of itself it a pretty arbitary concept to them ....they arn't paying attention to what you are doing and they have no idea that you have just not paid for them based on another arbitary concept to them - age! lol
I don't know about you, but I have crystal clear memories from ages 3 and 4, and quite a few of them revolve around age, birthdays, and landmarks of knowing how old I was. I remember being asked by a shopkeeper "How old are you sweetie?" and my mom saying "she's nearly four," and very, very proudly correcting her that I was "three and 11/12ths. I am NOT four until NEXT WEEK, Mama!"

We talk to them about birthdays and age all the time. They are at an age when they are instinctively watching us and our behavior closely all the time-- even when we think they aren't, because it is crucial for kids that age, the age when, biologically in our species, they begin to be put down and handed off because little siblings are coming, so they need to watch the adults and understand how to behave.

Never think your 3 and 4 year olds are not paying attention to what you do and the choices you make. And lying about *them* is the one thing that they really have personal knowledge about to cross-check what you say.
post #64 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post
??? Except that roller coaster safety has to do with fitting into the harnesses correctly, so it's a height thing. If they've got an age-based rule where you visit that means that some short 6 year old's going to get flung out of a ride some day. :
I was actually just making a point about rules, I guess to be clear I should have said "my 46" child" instead of "my 5yo" Because honestly, *I* think my 46" 5yo would be just as safe as my 48" almost 7yo, if not safer because of his build, but it's not my ride and I don't make the rules of it, I also have no real idea how someone came up with those rules. If I don't like the rules, I certainly don't have to stay.
post #65 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by contactmaya View Post
I dont think it was immoral. I think its immoral to exclude low income children from such places.

Maya
Come on, honestly? Aquariums are expensive to operate. The price of admission is not there to exclude low income children, it's to cover operating expenses.
post #66 of 133
I think it really depends on the situation. In your situation OP, I would have done basically the same thing (though I'd probably just ignore the sign, not necessarily outright lie).

I also "lied" to save admission to a children's museum once. The cut-off age was 12 months and DS had just turned 13 months. I felt the theory behind the age cut-off was that children under 12 months wouldn't be able to participate in most of the activities. DS is very short for his age & I was right, he wasn't able to do most of the stuff. I don't really consider that stealing because it's keeping the premise of the rule in mind without getting caught up in the particulars. If he would have clearly enjoyed everything as much as the average 12+ month-old, I would have paid the $. I also often in casual conversation say DS is "1 year old" rather than "13 months" or "11 months" or whatever -- it's just rounding, not really lying...

ETA: My parents regularly lied about our ages growing up... they had 4 kids and not a lot of money. Honestly I always saw it more as an exaggeration than a lie -- they weren't saying I was 7 at age 11, they just might try to pass me off as 10 instead of 11. I don't really see any difference between 10 years 11 months & 11 years 1 month. For the purpose of whatever it was (kid's meal, admission, etc.) it never seemed inappropriate and I didn't grow up lying about other things at all, in fact I was almost honest to a fault (besides the age lies!)
post #67 of 133
(imo not relevant anymore)
post #68 of 133
Quote:
they arn't paying attention to what you are doing and they have no idea that you have just not paid for them based on another arbitary concept to them - age! lol
I would certainly know and am not interested in modeling that behavior in case he does notice. And, I really try and do the right thing even if no one is watching. Doing the right thing only because other people are watching isn't an idea I want to advance either.

Stealing is stealing and there is nothing arbitrary about it. If I don't think the price of admission is worth it for my toddler then we don't go.

To me that is the right solution. We either pay the admission as required, or find something more worthwhile to us to spend the money on.
post #69 of 133
Some amusement park rides do need a age restriction too, IMO. I remember one of those really big swings that are high in the air that my very tall dd fit on when she was too young to handle it. She would have gotten scared and tried to escape, and I am not cofident that the safety belt would have held her.
post #70 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by mbhf View Post
I was actually just making a point about rules, I guess to be clear I should have said "my 46" child" instead of "my 5yo" Because honestly, *I* think my 46" 5yo would be just as safe as my 48" almost 7yo, if not safer because of his build, but it's not my ride and I don't make the rules of it, I also have no real idea how someone came up with those rules. If I don't like the rules, I certainly don't have to stay.
But if you don't know why those rules are in place, maybe you're making assumptions that are inaccurate about the safety and your child's readiness.

For example, for a long time people thought that the "12 months and 20 pounds" guideline for keepign babies rearfacing was really an "or". So they'd say "Well, she's only 6 months, but she's already 22 pounds! And she's so big and strong!! Well, she might be 20 pounds and big and strong, but her vertebrae and spinal column are still those of a 6 month old and are easily separated under the stresses of impact. She might be "big" enough, but she's certianly not *old* enough or *physically* mature enough.

So yeah, sometimes age limits are arbitrary. Sometimes they're not. Do you know for sure that a certain one is or is not? How?
post #71 of 133
Nope. Bad precedent. I try to keep things black and white because little kids don't understand grey.

I don't tell untruths about their ages and if something isn't paid for and is brought to my attention (child had something in their hand at store or got buried under coats), I promptly pay or I return to the store and pay. Even the kids will argue with the clerk, at 2.5 and 4.5, "No, we're paying, otherwise it is stealing and we don't steal."

There is no such thing as a free lunch. Someone, somewhere will be forced to pay the tab either through rising costs or shrinkage somewhere in the company.

On amusement rides, children still get injured even when within the safety limits. I certainly wouldn't put my child onto a ride when they were clearly below the safety limits. On one ride, which my child met the guidelines for, she was thrashed about like an animal in a croc's jaws - so sometimes those rules even when applied aren't foolproof.

Liz
post #72 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by betsyj View Post
I would certainly know and am not interested in modeling that behavior in case he does notice. And, I really try and do the right thing even if no one is watching. Doing the right thing only because other people are watching isn't an idea I want to advance either.

Stealing is stealing and there is nothing arbitrary about it. If I don't think the price of admission is worth it for my toddler then we don't go.

To me that is the right solution. We either pay the admission as required, or find something more worthwhile to us to spend the money on.
Exactly. This is along the same lines IMO as when you find a wallet on the ground, or a cashier gives you too much change back.

You do the right, moral thing. Not because anyone is watching but because it's the right thing to do.

I could care less if my ds is watching or not .. I will not tell a lie just to save admission price. That's lying & stealing. I try very hard to do the right thing all the time, regardless of if anyone is watching me.

I'm actually pretty shocked at how many people here think it's ok to lie to save money. I consider myself a pretty open minded person - but this is very black and white to me. It's stealing, and it's wrong.
post #73 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by savithny View Post
But if you don't know why those rules are in place, maybe you're making assumptions that are inaccurate about the safety and your child's readiness.

For example, for a long time people thought that the "12 months and 20 pounds" guideline for keepign babies rearfacing was really an "or". So they'd say "Well, she's only 6 months, but she's already 22 pounds! And she's so big and strong!! Well, she might be 20 pounds and big and strong, but her vertebrae and spinal column are still those of a 6 month old and are easily separated under the stresses of impact. She might be "big" enough, but she's certianly not *old* enough or *physically* mature enough.

So yeah, sometimes age limits are arbitrary. Sometimes they're not. Do you know for sure that a certain one is or is not? How?
This is basically my entire point though, my OP was talking about how *I* might think it is perfectly okay for my child to ride this ride even though he is too short (or *I* might think it's okay for my child to participate in an activity that he is too young for per the stated age regulations) does not mean that it is okay for me to purposefully break the rule, because it is not my rule to break and I don't know why it was set. And there was no actual age limit on the ride, it was a height limit that my DS was just under.

I was saying that it is no more okay for me to say that my child is older/younger than he is to get him something he wants than it would be for me to put lifts in his shoes to get him something else he wants.
post #74 of 133
I won't lie but I have planned visits to places based on the cut off age. Ie, going to the petting zoo the day before they turn two even though it would have been more convenient to go the following week.

Even if the kid you are lying about doesn't understand your older kids will. Plus I think it is a slippery slope I don't want to start myself on.
post #75 of 133
Just because the public doesn't realize the reason why there is a certain age limit for programs, doesn't mean that the reason isn't valid.

We used to attend an art class for preschoolers at our local art museum. If there was space in the class they tried to accommodate older/younger siblings, but you couldn't come if none of your children were preschool age. I was talking to the teacher one day and she told me why. They funding that kept the class free to families (and you got free admission to the museum afterwards) was a grant that was for programs for preschoolers. If they just let kids of any age sign up they would lose their grant, and then the class would either have to end or they would have to start charging a fee for it. I never would have known if she hadn't explained that to me (I wasn't trying to sneak anyone in, btw!!) .
post #76 of 133
I lied about my daughter's age once. We went to a beautiful rustic island camping ground that has a beautiful spring-fed hot tub and sauna. When we went down to take a soak we saw a sign saying "No Children Under The Age Of Six." My daughter was 4.5 at the time, and had been looking forward to having her "swimcuzzi" for several days.

I figured, "Oh, what the heck is this! I know she is safe and mature enough for a hot tub," so we went in. As we entered I whispered for her to tell anyone who asked that she was six years old (as if anyone would have believed it).

We were there for 45 minutes and met some great people, none of whom gave a crud about the age of our daughter, of course. They thought she was quite charming, and asked her what her favorite color was, what her favorite food was, what school she went to, and... how old she was. Uh oh...

"I am pretend six years old!"
she proclaimed loudly, looking over at me with pride for having remembered what age she was supposed to be.

I quietly died of embarrassment in my corner of the hot tub while everyone around me roared with laughter. Then we all commiserated about the silly age rule in the tub.
post #77 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by contactmaya View Post
I dont think it was immoral. I think its immoral to exclude low income children from such places.
the Children's Museum here offers $1 admission to families with WIC or Medicaid. It's also located in a poorer neighborhood and gives free memberships to families within 8 blocks.
post #78 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by mbhf View Post
I was actually just making a point about rules, I guess to be clear I should have said "my 46" child" instead of "my 5yo" Because honestly, *I* think my 46" 5yo would be just as safe as my 48" almost 7yo, if not safer because of his build, but it's not my ride and I don't make the rules of it, I also have no real idea how someone came up with those rules. If I don't like the rules, I certainly don't have to stay.
Okay, but where it's confusing is that you can't lie about height. Well, you can try, but I'd guess most places are going to look at him teetering on tiptoe and say no go.
post #79 of 133
I like that our library system specifically says that siblings are welcome to come to any of the story times.
post #80 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by TiredX2 View Post
That *totally* seems fair to me! In the same way, IMO, if a place asks if you are eligible for a senior discount, they should just GIVE it to you. I have seen people asked who are years and years away from the age and based on the hit to their ego they should get more than 10% off or a free drink!
Especially when it's like:

Waiter: Do you get the senior discount?
50 year old: No, I'm only 50.
Waiter: Are you *sure*? (looking at the 50 year old like they're suspecting senility has set in)
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Do you ever lie about your childs age?