Need support.

[honey-lilac]

So my husband is supposed to move out today. Things have been... bad. For years. We got married about a month before DS was born (he will turn three this week). By the time DS was a few weeks old, WEEKS, he was throwing his wedding ring at me and telling me he didn't want to be married to me anymore. For the past three years he has been threatening to move out and generally causing chaos. I always begged him to stay because... well, I just did. Many reasons. After yesterday (yet another display of violence, worse than ever before) I had it. I pretty much went into shock for a while and something snapped when I came out of it. He's supposed to be moving out today.

I know the typical precautions to take like leaving for a while, but I don't have any family or friends in the area to stay with, I am *not* going to be the one to leave because this is my house (inherited) and I can't take two spirited toddlers away from their home, one is special needs to boot so we have to stay. I can barely even take them grocery shopping, never mind leaving for an extended stay.

I still love my husband, of course, but this has to end. My babies deserve better than to grow up in this household. My daughter just turned 2, my son will turn three this week and I have my 27th birthday the day after his birthday. Some way to celebrate, huh?

Anyway, I just had to get this out somewhere in pseudo-public. He doesn't want to leave and I know he will say that he will change, he'll get counseling, he's sorry.. etc. etc. And I need to not give in to that because I *do* love him and I *do* wish things would work out, but things can NOT go on like this anymore.

Also, I don't have any documented incidents of violence. There have been plenty (not against me usually but broken things and this and that and yes some bruising and the like) and just verbal assaults and intimidation and... goodness. I used to document but I always re-read the things that happened and I got so horrified and felt so guilty and deceptive for writing it all down that I always threw it away or burned it. Pretty stupid, huh? Sigh.

[MissLotus]

You don't need to feel guilt for someone else's actions! You don't have to love him, either, just because he's been your husband. It doesn't sound like he's been loveable. It's good that he's moving out - stand firm. If people want to stay in abusive relationships for themselves, for whatever reasons, I guess that's their business, but that's a horrible way for a kid to grow up, seeing that. You're doing the right thing. And go consult with a lawyer, to make it legal, and to know how to protect yourself. That's important. Good luck and don't doubt yourself!

[honey-lilac]

He just left the house with a list of apartments. Blah. I don't feel happy. Still - I hope he actually finds one. Mixed feelings, eh? This is hard.

[DirtRoadMama]

I'm right there with you. I know this sucks, I'm living it now. Keep telling yourself you are doing the right thing for your children. It's one of the only things getting me through my day, and it's a hell of a help. I've been planning a lot of projects, too, and that's been helping.

Stay strong. Stay firm. The ladies here are awesome.

[briome]

You might want to call a local womans hotline and talk about your feelings (even though your hubby has not be violent, you still devserve support just from this fear. You deserve to feel safe) Like a domestic violence hotline or such, I have no idea what kind of area you live in, rural or not but it would be worth your time to find one. The time you are in is a very sensitive time and statistically a more likely time for spousal/relationship abuse.

Could you---ask a friend to come stay with you? Rent a room out to a lady? Let neighbors know what is going on so they can keep an eye on things?

Keep us updated!