I can't get my baby to sleep without crying! HELP!

[femalephish]

My DD is 8 month old and has never had a 'bedtime'. I try to follow her cues (at night and for naps) and when she starts to look sleepy (rubbing her eyes, yawning, starting to seem fussy) I try to nurse her to get her to sleep. But it almost never works. She won't nurse and will instead keep getting frustrated, fuss and eventually cry for another half hour or so until she finally nurses to sleep. But it seems like I have to hold her, rock her, comfort her, give her her paci, and try to nurse this whole time and she still ends up full-out-crying before she will sleep.

Everyone tells me I need to 'put her down' before she gets too tired but I don't really get what that means! I try to nurse her before she seems tired (like around when I think she'll be sleepy) but she either is not interested in nursing at that time, or nurses but doesn't fall asleep. I don't know how to make her sleep! What can I do? I hate her crying so much!


ETA: My DH works nights so this is my job every day. It's really exhusting to not be able to just hand her to someone for a break.

[Mal85]

Some babies just need to cry or fuss when going to sleep as a way of winding down. My dd cries when going to sleep too. I just stay with her, offer her comfort, and stay patient until she goes to sleep. I've actually notices if she falls asleep without crying (like in the car or the random time she'll fall asleep while nursing) she doesn't sleep long and will wake up and cry for a while before going to sleep for good.

It is frustrating and hard to watch your baby struggle, but as long as you're not just putting her down and walking away then it sounds like you're doing all you can for her.

FWIW, DD is a year old now and her crying is only about 10 minutes each night now. It used to be 30-45 so we're doing a lot better!

[BlueWolf]

There was a bit on Ask Moxy that touched on this. She said theres two types of babies. The first type needs to be rocked, sung, and/or nurse to sleep. The second type needs to fuss and talk themselves to sleep.

My daughter is the second type. She needs to fuss a bit before she goes down. Sometimes her fuss is crying and sometimes it's just talking to herself. I'm right there with her the entire time though, so its not like she's left to cry all on her own.

[maptome]

I agree with previous posters. My babe does the same thing, and I've tried putting her to bed "before she's overtired." She just crawls around and plays until she starts crying/fussing. I know it's hard. Hang in there!

[mkksmom]

You didn't mention anything in the bedtime routine before nursing, so if you don't already, I'd try dimming the lights about an hour before you'd expect her to get tired, and then add a few steps to your bedtime routine. It may or may not help. It did seem to help my baby for the most part. I put my LO in her crib to put on her swaddle blanket (arms out now), nurse while reading Goodnight Moon, sing a lullaby, and then say a prayer. Most of the time, she goes to sleep then. I can then put her in the crib and she will move around and get comfy and then sleep. I do notice that when she has been working on something like rolling over, she will cry more and doesn't go down as easily. I just rock her, but then she wants to nurse, then she doesn't, takes the paci only to spit it out again, etc.. Last night she was playing with her voice and would just about drift off and then start talking again. I try to stay as calm and patient as possible, but it's the end of the day and I have like no more energy by then. Still, I notice that the calmer I am, the faster she will calm down. Oh, another thing I try is switching sides. Sometimes she just wants a faster or slower flow of milk, I think.