What do you think of the aloneness of working at home?

[daisymama12]

I am a work at home mama, I just stared a very intense contract that will go on until end of June. I work while my kids are in school, and often either when they go to bed, or before they get up. I try not to do both.

Even though I don't love my work, it pays quite well (for my standards, anyhow), and so I think it's worth it, particularly in the short term. It's just that I have no outside life now. Every moment is focussed on either parenting or work, or walking the dog. I took the weekend off (Yay!) and it felt so odd to be "in the world".

I'm not saying it's entirely bad thing, but it is a strange, altered reality. SO different from the last 8 months when I didn't work. I find it very intense.
I don't see my friends now, I have forsaken my yoga class twice... but I'll have the summer off with my kids, and some extra money in the bank, which we haven't had in a while.

Anyone else have a similar situation? Do you like it? dislike? How long can you sustain it?

[zinemama]

I never really enjoyed the social aspects of working outside the home - so much gossip, silly chit-chat, etc. (I was one of those teachers who never went in the teacher's room.) I've always been somewhat introverted. I work from home now occasionally, and I really, really like it. I wish I could do more. It is different, but for me, it's more enjoyable.

[DariusMom]

I'm working at home now, after five years of working PT in academia. I'm incredibly fortunate to have the grant that I have, which allows me to do my own research (at home except for one week a month). I also have enormous flexibility to take DS to and from school, take him to activities, and generally be an active involved mom while still bringing in good money. So . .. great, right?

I'm not enjoying it as much as I thought I would. I know I'm lucky and I'm grateful, but I actually miss the social aspects of going into work. I miss lunch with colleagues (I do make an active effort to meet up with people for lunch, dinners, etc.) and I miss just generally not being alone all the time.

Now, this is weird because I'm an introvert with a huge need for down time to recharge. I am also highly sensitive and can't deal with being around lots of people for long periods of time. but university life is different from standard office life in a lot of ways, so I never really felt overwhelmed. i just feel like a lot of my social needs were met via work and now they're not and it's a bigger adjustment.

[madskye]

I work at home 98% of the time, and go into "the city" about twice per month, or travel a bit. I love it.

I do get tunnel vision but what helps is

--scheduling lunch dates on the days I am in NYC with old colleagues, so I can keep networking and unwind with them.

--keeping in touch with one industry friend who also works from home

--getting tough with myself when work starts to take over my life. I am contracted for 30 hours a week. When I start working nights, early am, and weekends that means I am working too much! (You might have a different arrangement, but I am only supposed to be working 3/4 time and I get paid a monthly retainer, so it doesn't change if I work 80 hours.)

It sounds like this is a short contract, and you have a lot to do now but come summer you'll be back to normal. I'd look at it as a short-term sacrifice and evaluate the experience once it is over. Perhaps next time you say push back a bit on the deadline, ask for more support available to you, or ask for even more money if at the end you don't think the $$ vs time worked out that well.

[daisymama12]

Originally Posted by madskye

I work at home 98% of the time, and go into "the city" about twice per month, or travel a bit. I love it.

I do get tunnel vision but what helps is

--scheduling lunch dates on the days I am in NYC with old colleagues, so I can keep networking and unwind with them.

--keeping in touch with one industry friend who also works from home

--getting tough with myself when work starts to take over my life. I am contracted for 30 hours a week. When I start working nights, early am, and weekends that means I am working too much! (You might have a different arrangement, but I am only supposed to be working 3/4 time and I get paid a monthly retainer, so it doesn't change if I work 80 hours.)

It sounds like this is a short contract, and you have a lot to do now but come summer you'll be back to normal. I'd look at it as a short-term sacrifice and evaluate the experience once it is over. Perhaps next time you say push back a bit on the deadline, ask for more support available to you, or ask for even more money if at the end you don't think the $$ vs time worked out that well.

Very similar situation! I am contracted to work 3/4 time, and not paid beyond this. I have worked beyond to meet a deadline. I'm talking to the owner this week to address this.

But even working 30 hours requires some night time and morning work - my kids are in school just a few hours over that, and I still have to buy birthday presents, I'm still involved with the kids school in a specific role I can't hand off to someone else, though I am delegating, I still take the dog for a walk, etc. Anyhow, I'm going to work hard until June, and then re-evaluate, like you said.

[cchrissyy]

KWIM

how about taking your work out fo the house/ I sued ot do half-days at hme half-days at Starbcuks or the library. that way I could divide up my tasks with what was more mobile or required more phone calls or whatever and still get everyhting done bvetween both settings. it was lovely being out, around people, and still not distracted by having to talk with them!

[sparklett]

I was a WAHM for nearly 2 years. It was a well-paying, challenging position, and it had it's ups and downs.

One thing I didn't like was the muddied line between "work" and "home". After lots of adjustment, I set up a very firm, results-oriented schedule. There was a time to work and time to play.

I was sure to allot myself time to visit with friends, though it was always hard to have to leave whatever I was doing and sit in my car to attend a weekly conference over the phone. Whenever I had "me time" I made sure to do my best to reach my goals before taking time off.

One of the benefits of working from home is that you should be able to give yourself the latitude to make social appointments, exercise, etc. Set realistic goals every day, meet your goals, and then live your life.

[zebrachick83]

WAHM here too. The only way for me to avoid feeling lonely is to get out with the kids as much as possible during the day. I work before they get up and during their naptimes. Then, when I get a chance to work, I actually enjoy the solitude of it. Since we hs, I am usually inundated with little people after 8 in the morning....

[JessieBird]

I used to work at home and I really struggled with lonlieness. I am an artist and it was a huge deal for me to be able to quit my job and start my own business. I paid the bills and made a profit from the get-go and that aspect was really exciting. But it didn't take long before I was totally bummed. I couldn't figure out why for a while but it was the isolation and lack of social contact. My friends are mostly all artists who have to have day jobs so they weren't very sympathetic at all, they thought I was living a dream.

I agree with pp who suggested working from a different site if you can, such as a coffee shop with internet access. My DH is self-employed and before he had an office, working from Starbucks saved his sanity. I couldn't do that because my business was manufacturing but I found that developing a routine that got me out of the house every day was critical. Also, I came up with every excuse I could to meet with clients or colaborators in person, as long as it didn't take too much time away from other work. I would also drive to pick up supplies instead of having them delivered. Just having two or three meetings or errands a week, and the relationships that develop as a result of them, can make a huge difference.

[MissLotus]

I do freelance writing from home, so no set amount of hours, but it depends on how many assignments I can drum up. The alternative would be working locally in my tiny town (and there are seriously no jobs here of late) as a cashier or something similar which unfortunately would not pay much, or commuting to the city, which would mean a total commute - with the commuter train plus subway to get to whatever office - of nearly four hours total per day! That is just not happening; I'm the only parent at home and although my son's school-age, I don't want to be away until 7-8pm every night.

And so here I am. And as much as I am capable of alone time and LIKE having the solitude sometimes, yes, it definitely gets to be a bit much! Especially since, as I'm divorced, after my son goes to bed it's not like that's adult-conversation time. So I can hunker down a couple of days at a time, but after a few days of really quiet daytimes, I feel a bit bonkers. And I'm never quite sure who to bore with my writing tales (when pitches I send to editors get accepted or rejected). I chat lightly to people about it sometimes, but try not to ramble on even though I WANT to. Like today - got a rejection for an article idea - it would be nice just to turn to someone for a moment and say, "You see that? Heck with them." I do have good friends, but the ones I see daily at pick-up and occasionally lunch are all stay-at-home moms, and none of the ones I know need to work, want to work, or have any interest in doing the same stuff. (Maybe one, but she does creative writing, more as her hobby, plus I don't see her much.)

The people I know still in the work force are in the city and as I said, it's a long way to go for lunch - though sometimes, I do! I do like those days. And I do need to make more of an effort to do my stuff at a coffee shop or something - I'm kind of lazy for that. I'm hoping to get assignments for a particular magazine for which I'd have to go into the city and write about different places - that would be perfect. We shall see. Meanwhile I'm glad to see this thread!

[ithappened]

I actually miss the social aspects of going into work. I miss lunch with colleagues (I do make an active effort to meet up with people for lunch, dinners, etc.) and I miss just generally not being alone all the time.

this is me. I started WAH about 1.5 yrs ago and I moved to another country and I find I really miss just the daily social contact, going out to lunch and looking forward to coming home.. where now I find I look forward to leaving more then coming..sometimes the highlight of my day is just going to the store to get milk

[daisymama12]

OP here

As I look at my time management, trying to make time for daytime social interaction, or even going over to a coffeeshop. Even going to another location feels like I'm wasting time by travelling 10 minutes each way, & setting up elsewhere. That's around 30 minutes out of my 6 hour day... I know it's not a big deal but I have SO much to do.

The other thing is, I find I waste a lot of time on the internet. After completing a task, I treat myself by going online, with the intention of going to play word twist on facebook or checking in here for 5 minutes, next thing I know - it's 25minutes later I am thinking I should go cold turkey, and then spend that time walking over to the coffee shop! Maybe the internet cruising around fills the social need? Inadequately, but still..

My contract is getting much better, in terms of my being able to accomplish tasks within the alloted time, so that's great.

I keep thinking I'll look for a real workplace, but then I won't be able to pick up my kids after school, or not stress about keeping them at home if they're sick, so I will just stick with it for a while yet!

[DariusMom]

Originally Posted by daisymama12

OP here


The other thing is, I find I waste a lot of time on the internet. After completing a task, I treat myself by going online, with the intention of going to play word twist on facebook or checking in here for 5 minutes, next thing I know - it's 25minutes later I am thinking I should go cold turkey, and then spend that time walking over to the coffee shop! Maybe the internet cruising around fills the social need? Inadequately, but still..

!

I'm on here now as a reward for doing some real work.

I completely know what you mean. But I can't just focus focus focus on work for six hours straight, so I have to take mental breaks. Also, i agree that the online interaction takes the place of the real life interaction I'm not getting by WAH.

[madskye]

Originally Posted by daisymama12

OP here

As I look at my time management, trying to make time for daytime social interaction, or even going over to a coffeeshop. Even going to another location feels like I'm wasting time by travelling 10 minutes each way, & setting up elsewhere. That's around 30 minutes out of my 6 hour day... I know it's not a big deal but I have SO much to do.

The other thing is, I find I waste a lot of time on the internet. After completing a task, I treat myself by going online, with the intention of going to play word twist on facebook or checking in here for 5 minutes, next thing I know - it's 25minutes later I am thinking I should go cold turkey, and then spend that time walking over to the coffee shop! Maybe the internet cruising around fills the social need? Inadequately, but still..

My contract is getting much better, in terms of my being able to accomplish tasks within the alloted time, so that's great.

I keep thinking I'll look for a real workplace, but then I won't be able to pick up my kids after school, or not stress about keeping them at home if they're sick, so I will just stick with it for a while yet!

I think it's just a work in progress...you say your contract is getting better, you're able to accomplish your tasks more efficiently...it'll take some time to settle into that and get comfy AND THEN you can can go Starbucks and chill out with your laptop for the afternoon.

I overextended myself in Fall 2008--it was terrible, and a good learning experience. I am pretty protective of my time now, and it makes a big difference. I don't like to suffer, don't get a kick out of the the whole I-work-24-Hrs-A-Day martyr complex, I just want to live my life pleasantly! Fall 08 ws a good lesson to me in what I didn't want (working round the clock, feeling tied to my computer and cell phone, etc). Honestly, it doesn't even come at the expense of making more money, either. At the end of that experience, I went to my biggest client and raised my rates. That freed me up not to have chase other work (for now) and matched the extra dollars I was making. And I can do it more efficiently, because I have more experience doing the job as time goes by...

Your coffee shop day will come! I promise you! And one day, I will take a nap. (Which is something I think would be awesome but have never done in the four years I've been working from home!)