How would you handle this? re: Motorcycle

[dairy2dogs]

My sister is upset about a situation with her 17yr old dd (her oldest). I'll call her Mary. Mary's boyfried, 19yr I think, just bought a motorcycle. Mary naturally wants to ride it with him. My sister thinks motorcycles are horribly dangerous and is adamantly opposed to Mary riding on one. I asked my sister what she was going to do. She said she forbade Mary from ever riding it. I suggested she may just go behind her back and said If I were in her shoes I might buy her a helment and protective jacket with plates. She said no, its non-negotiable. She threatened Mary with loosing her car and cell phone if she rides the motorcycle and said she may show her photos of motorcycle accidents/victims. She was so upset, which I hate seeing my sister that way.

My kids are a couple yrs younger but I wonder how I would react or feel. My husband has a bike and I let my kids ride it. I do think letting them ride with a boy or girlfriend might feel differently though.

What would you do?

[KempsMama]

I totally do NOT have a teen...and won't for about a decade. But my husband and I ride, so I thought I'd chime in. I would let my teen ride with the proper safety equipment as long as the driver had the proper license and the bike was in good safe condition.

My fear for your sister is that her DD will go behind her back and ride without helmet/leathers etc, and the first ride goes fine, and down the road she doesn't wear the right equipment because nothing bad has happened and so on and so on.

Just my

[Tizzy]

I believe it totally depends on the rider and the bike. Some kids get a bike that is WAY too much for them and they are irresponsible with it.
Others get a bike that is suitable for a beginner and treat it like a mode of transportation, not a status symbol.

I would do as you suggested and encourage safety and responsibility...because we all know how well "banning" things works

[number572]

It would totally depend on the bike, the driver, the route & the destination for me to say she could or couldn't go with her boyfriend on his bike. That said, if I were the 17yo, I would have a hard time & probably several fights with my mom about it - if I were your sister, I would get a well put together presentation of my fears before I simly said "no, its too dangerous" b'c I think generalizations are not a reason to say no to an opportunity like that. I love motorcycles & saw a bumper sticker that kind of summarizes what biking feels like for many. It read:

"Four wheels move the body, two wheels move the soul"

[MusicianDad]

I agree with KempsMama, I would allow my kids to ride with a good driver with the proper licence, good safety equipment and a bike that is in good condition. I know at least one persons, if it was between him and his bike and some of the car drivers out there, it would be the bike.

[KempsMama]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

I know at least one persons, if it was between him and his bike and some of the car drivers out there, it would be the bike.

No doubt!!

[Jane91]

Of course, with the bike you are completely exposed to close contact with those other car drivers you mention.

If I thought my daughter would be compliant with the rules, I would keep her off the bike. If I thought it was inevitable (based on her temperment) I would get her the proper equipment and put set limits around the riding/routes/times, etc.

[hakeber]

I vote for helmet and gear too. Banning motorbikes and showing pictures of wrecks is just as effective as banning drugs and showing pictures of drug addicts, banning cigarettes and showing pictures of disgusting burnt up lungs, or banning sex and showing kids pictures of sexually transmitted diseases or teen moms.

For some it MIGHT work, but why take the chance that that alone will do it? I say show the pictures and tell the tales of horror, but also provide the information and protection they need to make the choice you don't want them to make. More likely than not they will, even more likely if you tell them not to, so as scary and horrible as it might be to give over that choice to the child, it is far safer to prepare her than to ban her.

But you knew that already. The truth is she might even choose not to ride that thing, especially after seeing what a helmet does to her hair. But if she does, at least you know she is as safe as she can be. I also think she is quite within her rights to express her fear and desire for her not to do something, but let's face it, you can't actually stop her, so why pretend?

The only one getting fooled here is your sister, if you ask me.