Does your child go to preschool though you'll homeschool later?

[aiea]

Hi there,

I ask because I keep questioning whether DD1 should attend preschool. She's 3.5 years. My primary reason is that she needs some focused attention and perhaps a little more structure than we're giving her.

Right now I feel like she's along for the ride every day, while I spend all our mom-n-kids time holding the hand of our nearly toddler-aged baby (DD2 is an 11mo) and trying to sit still long enough to do *anything* with DD1 (complete the most basic project like cut-and-paste, or help DD1 write her name, that sort of thing).

My main reason to avoid preschool (besides all the reasons we'll home school) is because DD1 seems very advanced in some ways. She can read at least as well as a good friend who's 7 years old, and when I hear about preschools learning one new letter every day or week, I know she'd be bored to tears. I realized Montessori might be an option since it's multi-age/level so I am looking into our local best option there.

What do you all do with siblings when they have interests/needs but the baby seems to take all the time?

[mom2ponygirl]

My daughter went to preschool (with our work schedules, we couldn't make hs work) and then began hs'ing at 5.5.

If you do go the preschool route, I think Montessori can be great. My daughter loved the quiet rhythm of the place. Another option is a preschool that focuses on creative play. Definitely steer away from the traditional academic preschools.

[Violet2]

Oh yeah. I think it's helpful for DD to learn from multiple people/ environments--like sometimes your kids listen to other people better than you or can 'hear' things from someone besides mom. For me HSing is not momma as the only teacher, I plan to be just one of many teachers. And I am all for help on teaching DD her basic social skills.

As for preschool I found a multi age classroom for DD as, like yours, she seems a bit advanced.

V

[WhaleinGaloshes]

Yes, she goes to preschool now even though she will probably homeschool starting next year.

She is 4 and an only child. At this point, preschool is one of the best ways for her to play with other kids (we're pretty isolated, we just moved, will move again likely soon) and it also tires her out. When she is older I can imagine her taking soccer, dance etc. but at 4, this works.

The best program for her so far has been 2.5 hours in the afternoon at the Y. It's a program centered around large muscle play; they rotate through the gym, the playground and swimming in the pool. They do a craft for good measure, I come pick her up.

As far as academics, my daughter also reads (2nd grade maybe? the level 2 early readers) and at school they do Letter of the Week and she doesn't mind a bit. She colors the letter worksheet and cuts and pastes and whathave you and is happy to be doing it with other kids. I don't think it occurs to her to be bored. It may not occur to her that the others don't read, I never asked. But it hasn't been a problem at this point for her.

She was in a Montessori program at age 3 and I love the program but this school was a bad fit. I'd consider sending her again in the future.

My biggest obstacle has been the discipline systems. Time Out, most notably. In the end, talking with the teacher and with DD has mostly mitigated this for us.

[philia]

preschool / homeschool- whalen galoshes aso

Whaelin galoshes, why was montessori a bad fit ? I am in a little bit of a situation of not being able to decide to try Montessori or not next fall. I hate to put her there if she will only be doing practical life or something. At least at home I can get her to work on what I know she needs help in. I feel like Montessori is great but a big leap of faith. Let me know your thoughts if you don't mind.

As far as from 3-4. I have noticed a huge difference in what they do. My four year old can concentrate and stay focused a ton more than when she was three. I am so glad I kept her home this year. Fine motor and gross motor have been a big difference in a year. I have one a year younger and I know it can be hard taking them to activities. My four year old came out of her shell socially also. Now she makes friends with everyone. I don't think it would have mattered if I would have put her in a program or not. I think at most traditional preschools she would have probably picked up mostly germs and aggressive behavior. There is so much about these kids having to get along in a group to survive and I think she will be more confident staying with me and other home school moms and their kids. Do you have a nursery at church, ballet classes or a play place at a gym ? There are a lot of ways to keep them with other kids and without you where they can learn besides preschools.

[aiea]

Awesome! Thanks for the replies and great to know I have some company on this particular subject.

Frankly I have a little trepidation about both her abilities *and* lagging skills (like attention span in a group) interfering with the "quiet rhythm" of a Montessori environment. For example, she cannot get through 45 minutes of dance class (her only committed activity, 1x a week) without wrestling with her friend there.

I have reading commiserating posts on MDC about how it's hard to do structured stuff at all at this age, and some kids just aren't ready. Then again Montessori is free will, move about as you like, etc. Maybe she'd love it?!

What do Montessori teachers usually do with a loud/wild child?

Maybe I am thinking too hard? But I wonder how she'd handle a half day or full day of preschool.

[RoundAbout]

Originally Posted by WhaleinGaloshes

The best program for her so far has been 2.5 hours in the afternoon at the Y. It's a program centered around large muscle play; they rotate through the gym, the playground and swimming in the pool. They do a craft for good measure, I come pick her up.

Just wanted to say that this sounds so ideal! I wish I could find something like this for my very big and active 3 yo boy. Even though we plan to homeschool I would send him to something like this in a heart-beat!

[Smithie]

My almost-four-year-old dd begged to go to preschool at about 18 months (!!!), when her older brother was going. She went very happily for two years, and quit at the end of January. She told me that she was finished with "school in a building" and was going to be homeschooled like her brother, who has hated "school in a building" with a mad passion all his life.

Teaching her brother WAS a bit easier when she was out of the house 3x/week, but really, it hasn't made much difference. The hassle of having her around is waaaaay less than having her up, dressed and out the door with a packed lunch by 8:45 a.m.

So I wouldn't hesitate to send a kid I planned to homeschool to a preschool class. But I wouldn't push it either - it's a lot of money to spend on something that isn't deeply loved and enjoyed by your particular kid, and doesn't help them with their specific social weaknesses.

[WhaleinGaloshes]

Originally Posted by philia

Whaelin galoshes, why was montessori a bad fit ?

Montessori as a method, I love for my daughter. Her bad experience at age 3 was much more a misfit with the directress (who IMHO has no business being a directress of a small Montessori co-op primary school, but that's just you know, my opinion )

We didn't have a great experience with the school.

My daughter also is not a shining example of classroom management (at age 3 and 4.) She's 'hard to corral' I guess you could put it nicely. 'She doesn't listen', would be another spin Montessori theory handles this very gently and peacefully, focuses on building trust with the student and trusting their better impulses, too. Good Montessori teachers IMHO are really awesomely equipped to help disruptive kids. Finding the good ones is always the trick, no matter what service you are shopping for.

I would consider putting my DD back in a Montessori classroom if the right one was available to us.

[skueppers]

Originally Posted by aiea

Right now I feel like she's along for the ride every day, while I spend all our mom-n-kids time holding the hand of our nearly toddler-aged baby (DD2 is an 11mo) and trying to sit still long enough to do *anything* with DD1 (complete the most basic project like cut-and-paste, or help DD1 write her name, that sort of thing).

First of all, I'm not arguing against preschool. Both of my children go to preschool (multi-age, play-based, language-immersion program).

But reading this, I'm wondering what your older child is doing while your 11-month-old naps. My older child gets most of her special mama time while her brother is napping.

Regarding preschool, I'd say it has ups and downs. My daughter has definitely gotten positive things out of it, but there have been significant downsides as well.

[philia]

ups and downs of preschool- Skupeppers ?

skupeppers, what are the ups and downs that you experienced? I think after reading all of these posts that it just shows that we deeply care for our children. I wish I could find peace with one way or the other. I was even thinking about seeing if the montessori I was looking at in the fall would let my daughter try it the last month of school this year or try a camp in the summer. I hate to throw away thousands of dollars if I change my mind or want to pull her. They have a policy where you are responsible for the full tuition if you change your mind after this July.
Philia

[Fillyjonk]

Just to say, a good fit for my two older kids is the local Steiner (Waldorf?) kindergarten.

They get to meet a lot of other kids their age, with similarly kooky parents, and also are exposed to things I am just not going to get a chance to do with them. They love the stories, the songs and the outdoor play. Realistically, much as I would love to be http://soulemama.typepad.com, I can't meet my kids endless desires to make things, sing with them, bake, all the rest of it, and kindergarten does that very nicely for me.

Steiner Waldorf does not push academic stuff at all, in fact, some kindergarten seem to discourage it - this one is very relaxed and I think couldn't care less. Mine can both read and do quite a bit of music including music lessons, they listen to classical cds a lot of the time (their choice), and so forth, and the kindergarten seems to see this as broadly positive. Because there is no school attached, maybe a quarter of kids end up homeschooled so there is a real opportunity for them to make long term friendships. There is a real sense of community in the school.

I have to admit, I chose Steiner partly BECAUSE my kids could read, count etc quite early. I figured they were getting along very nicely with that, and at home I think it is easy for us to focus on this stuff. Steiner gives us a bit of balance.

There is an educational philosophy around reincarnation etc that I don't agree with (though I was raised in the Steiner system), but tbh we just ignore it. None of the teachers are hardcore and anyway, Steiner teachers are not meant to push this onto the kids, just open the door. I figure with our extremly pro-science home environment the kids will survive.

I chose this preschool not because I was in the market for a preschool, but because I thought it would add something positive to our lives-and it really has.

[aiea]

Originally Posted by skueppers

I'm wondering what your older child is doing while your 11-month-old naps. My older child gets most of her special mama time while her brother is napping.

I'd hoped for this too, but DD2 is a cat-napper. She gets 30 minutes in the AM, 30 minutes in the PM. Once in a while she'll sleep longer. Our strategy has been to let DD1 have her only TV time while I get DD2 down to sleep. The tough thing is, DD1 is "on TV" when I come out of the bedroom and wants more of it. By the time I have convinced her there's something fun to do in the next room, DD2 is awake. Or we get into some fun game together, and DD2 "crashes the party" by waking up. It's aggravating but (I keep reminding myself) temporary, and I'm trying to keep my cool in those moments. Hoping she'll consolidate naps someday.

smithie said: Teaching her brother WAS a bit easier when she was out of the house 3x/week, but really, it hasn't made much difference. The hassle of having her around is waaaaay less than having her up, dressed and out the door with a packed lunch by 8:45 a.m.

I keep thinking about this too. How much time/money/commitment for how much benefit to DD1 and hopefully to the rest of us too? I'm thinking it all over carefully. Meantime no harm in a tour of the Montessori school here, just to see what we do/don't want to miss.

[linclane]

Originally Posted by aiea

What do Montessori teachers usually do with a loud/wild child?

Maybe I am thinking too hard? But I wonder how she'd handle a half day or full day of preschool.

My ds1 has been in Montessori preschool and Kinder (and we'll home school starting this Summer). He is very challenging, for lack of a better word. I feel very fortunate that his teacher/school has been so kind working with him and us as a family.

The freedom to choose his "works" has been a big help with some of his behavior. The quiet classroom has been helpful in calming him down too.

With that said ... his blow-ups have been enough that we aren't invited back next year. I'm OK with that, and am happy to homeschool him.

I guess my point is that with the right teacher, they will do well working with any behavioral thing, but at some point if it's not improving and becomes a distraction for the other kids, they may not want to continue. BUT it will be different policies with each school and teacher.

Good luck!!

[Marsupialmom]

Pre-school can serve a purpose. If you are over stressed and do not have the resources take breaks, no grandparents or no/few friends. Then a preschool for a child can help YOU have time to refresh. At the early ages, I don't believe it should be about "learning" more than playing, so IMO at the early ages a play group or a regular day care is just as good as a "pre-school".

Pick a early education program that encourages you to participate, not just drop off. Try to find. This can help you more than them. Having an adult other than your spouse can help you feel better. This better/relaxed mood spills over on your child.

Some times it is a matter of just getting with friends for a "play" date.

You might want to search out other homeschool moms to expand your circle of friends.

Out of all our early education experience my circle of friends helped my kids more.....in a very close second was speech for my HOH child.

[skueppers]

Originally Posted by philia

skupeppers, what are the ups and downs that you experienced?

Sorry, I was in a rush last night.

Positive things -- I will speak here of my daughter, since my son has only been going to preschool for 2 months.

* Her grasp of her second language has improved immensely in preschool. Being in an environment where everyone is speaking German has been much better for this than being at home with me, since I speak English with other adults and children even though I speak German with her.

* She has learned to follow directions and do what's expected in a way that she just wouldn't have learned at home. Of course kids do learn these things at home, but sometimes they're more willing to do them in a group environment where all the other kids are doing it, and where their relationship with the teacher isn't the same as their relationship with their parents.

* Other than during the first few months of this current school year, she's had a good time at school. I expect her to have a good time for the rest of this current year, so I'd say that 2 1/2 of the 3 years she's gone there have been fun for her.

Negative things:

* She has acquired behaviors from other children that I find undesirable, particularly in the area of language and social relationships.

* She's had to deal with some situations that were fairly unhappy for her, and that wouldn't have come up at home. Her two closest friends in the class moved on to grade K this year, and it took her four or five months to accept the situation and find a new place for herself in the class. Note that this has a lot to do with my daughter's exceptionally stubborn personality -- most kids would have readily moved on to new relationships.

* She's pretty bored with the lack of academic content this year. She turned five in November, and since mid-December, has been eager for more academic challenge. I do what I can about this at home, but she'd really like to be doing more at school. Note that the non-academic, play-based program was fine the first two years she was in the school, it's just this year that it's a problem.

[aiea]

Hi there,

Besides preschool, our other option (and our more natural progression than preschool) is to carve out time just mom-n-DD1, and just mom-n-DD2, while switching off with DH. When will we have time? I don't know but we are figuring that out. I figure that with the time involved getting DD1 to a preschool on time, with snack in hand, dressed, I might as well be spending that same time just hanging out, her & I. Better quality time, and without the cost of outside care.

MarsupialMom - We have been phasing into the same ideas you suggested over the last few months. We added a homeschooler's pre-K group on Mondays for 1 hr, a pre-K library circle on Weds and a park day for homeschoolers on Thursdays. I feel like it's good for DD1's social interaction, but somehow still missing the mark.

[CariOfOz]

Originally Posted by aiea

I keep thinking about this too. How much time/money/commitment for how much benefit to DD1 and hopefully to the rest of us too? I'm thinking it all over carefully. Meantime no harm in a tour of the Montessori school here, just to see what we do/don't want to miss.

My 3.5yo has been in preschool for almost a year now. I didn't send him with ANY academic ideas in mind at all.. it was simply so twice a week I could have time with my older two for more focused activities. His last day is Friday! I finally pulled him because:

1) he was just not acting happy about going anymore. In the last couple of months drop offs have become traumatically upsetting for him, and in the last couple of weeks he simply ate almost nothing while he was there apparently!

2) It was a pita to get everyone up and out of the house to take him to preschool 2x a week. By the time we got home & settled into doing what we had planned for the day it was nearly lunchtime it felt like. On the days where we were OUT of the house for the day it was a blessing because he wasn't of the age to really listen and be safe.

3) We REALLY weren't getting that much focused work done anyway LOL. And the coop type activites we go to on Mondays and every other Fridays, are adding a few preschooler activities as well

At 3.5 I'm HOPING he'll be a fair bit better with outings and such (cross your fingers for me lol)

[J2]

I'm looking into possibly putting my son into preschool next year for 3 days per week. Here in Florida we have VPK, which is free voluntary pre-k. Not every provider is a VPK provider, but I found a play based preschool that is. (I think that many providers will say they are play based, but this one is truly play based.)

I am still somewhat on the fence. But am signed up for the option should we indeed choose it. We can always choose not to use it.

I also have a toddler so that will give me some one on one time with her.

I think it will help give my son some great play opportunities and help him learn a little bit of structure (its not super structured there since it is so play based, but there is some structure of course) and it will help him with directions from others other than me.

I am enjoying reading the answers in this thread! Especially since I have been on the fence about this.

[SparklingGemini]

I'm really, really struggling with this right now.

I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that we will be homeschooling DD from kindergarten on.

But I'm stuck on these preschool years.

I have no interest in sending her to an academic preschool or sending her because I think she needs to be learning things and be ready for kindergarten.

But because my degree is in Child Development and my background is teaching preschool(and nannying), I have a hard time completely ignoring the potential positivity that comes from a more formal preschool environment.

And while I know DD doesn't NEED preschool, I know she'd love it. As evidenced by the fact that each time we've toured a school, she's lit up like a Christmas tree and requested to spend the whole day.

So, I've compromised on my desire to keep her with me, and am considering a cooperative preschool, where she can still have social interaction on a more regular basis and perhaps learn some peer communication and conflict resolutions, and where I can still participate...as much as I want.

And that's the best I can do right now.