February 09 mamas - they're not babies anymore! - Page 14

[Nillarilla]

I had an incredibly trying day with my kids today but I read your post starling about midway through the day and while it didn't change my children's complaints it did allow me to hear them with extra loving ears today and give them hugs and kisses when I might otherwise have been too angry or annoyed. My thoughts and prayers are with that mama and her family.

[Thursday Girl]

Starling, they are in my thoughts.

[justKate]

Starling, that's so unsettling. I can't imagine how devastating it would be--and then to have to live life somewhat "normally" for the older child's sake. Poor baby, poor baby's family. 20 months. How awful.


Here, Aubrey is still her usual self. She's started saying what I think is her own name, over and over: AbWEE, AbWEE.... The molar she was working on came through a couple days ago, but it didn't seem to improve her disposition. I made an appt. with the doctor for the end of the month to see about a referral for an OT evaluation. Would have liked to do it sooner but we'll be in CA visiting the inlaws for a week, and I want to try her back on the reflux meds for a week or two just to re-rule that out as a cause of some of her issues.

Some GOOD NEWS for me: I called my midwife's office today and learned that I WAS double stitched after my c-section, which made me feel so uplifted. With all of the drama after Aubs' birth I never asked. So maybe there is a VBAC in my future. That thought brings me a lot of peace. We aren't TTC yet (or even soon), but the question had been hanging over me for a while.

It almost feels wrong to have happy thoughts when someone close to you is suffering, Starling. I'll keep the baby in my thoughts....

[Mal85]

Starling, it breaks my heart to hear stories like that. I can't even imagine what the family must be going through. Ever since I read your post, I've been hugging on Owyn as much as she'll let me.

I've been a little sad the last few days. Suddenly, I feel like my baby is gone. She has no more interest in nursing, although I still do it to calm her down before bedtime. She has been sleeping the whole night in her crib in her own room for weeks now. She's often too busy to have snuggle time with me. Even that bedtime nursing session is quick and she's immediately ready to go lay in her bed, she fights me if I try to snuggle with her after.

There were times when she was a newborn, I thought this baby stage would go on forever. But I blinked my eyes and it's over. I even get a little teary anytime I go through her clothes, putting away the ones that she's grown out of. She'll never wear them again. At least I can look forward to doing it again when we have another baby. I don't know how you mamas that are done can deal with the end of another stage, knowing you'll never do it again. I'm having a hard enough time dealing with the fact that I'll never do it again with her. It's a good thing that she's growing and she's a happy, independent little girl. That is what's supposed to happen, I know that. But it's still sad.

On another note, I've been discussing with DH about buying another house. We're getting really excited about TTC at the end of this summer, but I look around my tiny, two-bedroom house that has absolutely no storage... and I wonder how in the world we will fit another baby in. The plan has always been to wait for his promotion, save for 4-5 years and put a down payment on land in the country where we'll build. But, that promotion is at least another year away, and I just can't see having two small children (possibly a 3rd by then) in this tiny house while working to build another. So, we're talking about making that a 10-12 year plan rather than a 5-6 year plan and get another place in the meantime.

I'm definitely more okay with it than he is, but he is warming up to it. Instead of saying no, he's saying we'll see. I looked at a place in the next town over (population about 200, most of which is age 75 and over). Which is totally fine with us, it's like the next best thing to living in the country. And our best friends live just a block away from the house! It's an old farmhouse with a huge backyard that is up against a cornfield. There's a blackberry patch and wide open spaces. And it's the kind of town where my kids could actually run free without me having to worry about strangers and too many cars. I'm really hoping DH goes for it.

[justKate]

Originally Posted by Mal85

I'm definitely more okay with it than he is, but he is warming up to it. Instead of saying no, he's saying we'll see. I looked at a place in the next town over (population about 200, most of which is age 75 and over). Which is totally fine with us, it's like the next best thing to living in the country. And our best friends live just a block away from the house! It's an old farmhouse with a huge backyard that is up against a cornfield. There's a blackberry patch and wide open spaces. And it's the kind of town where my kids could actually run free without me having to worry about strangers and too many cars. I'm really hoping DH goes for it.

The farmhouse sounds nice to me. I've been thinking more about trying to get back to basics too. I think it would be good for Aubrey to not grow up in suburbia/city the way Huz and I did. Maybe *gasp* have some chickens or something. This year (the first year in several) I planted again: tomatoes, jalepenos, serrano peppers, green beans, banana peppers, basil and cilantro. It feels good. Not nearly as much as I'd like to do, but these things I know I can keep alive. It would be good to have some free range kiddos, too....

[mckittre]

Starling - I can't imagine what that family must be going through. I came here planning to gripe about how I couldn't get Katmai to sleep until nearly 1AM last night - but that seems kind of silly now.

Mal - that sounds nice. One thing I'm definitely looking forward to about living here as Katmai gets older is that all the kids are free-range. And wherever they go, someone knows their parents, so they can't get into too much trouble, either.

[AKislandgirl]

I would love to live in an old farm house some day! I think if my family was close by we would live here forever but I think we'll be down south within 3 years. I'm just hoping that we can find a community as close knit as we have now. I just really want my kids growing up really knowing their grandparents, not just seeing them once a year. My sister lives next door to my folks. They have a small farm on Whidbey Island in Washington. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to move there but there are no jobs for DH on island and commuting into Seattle just sounds horrid. Maybe we can become independently wealthy!

[Everrgreen]

justKate - I hope everything works out with Aubrey's appt. And that's great about your VBAC potential. I also have some lingering questions about things that happened at my birth. Mostly stuff there probably isn't a definite answer about.

Mal - I know what you mean, while Royce isn't as independent yet as you describe Owyn to be, every little milestone is so bittersweet. He has really started to shake his head to tell me 'no' to things. 'Do you want to hold Mama's hand?' *NO*, 'Do you need to nurse with Mama?' *NO* 'Do you want to come have a hug?' *NO* What happened to my little baby who never said no to these things?? I think also though that you (and I) are coming from a place of not being 'done' yet with having babies. I feel that once I reach that point of knowing my family is complete, it won't be so sad.

Your farmhouse in the small town (can 200 people be called a town?) sounds perfect! I would totally love something like that... maybe just outside of a bigger city though

Sooo, as for me. My husband and I have started to talk about things. And I'm thinking that maybe... possibly... hopefully... there is some sort of a chance that we may work things out. There has been so much going on, and I'm a little unsure of it all. But, he is showing signs of changing (back into who he used to be - the person I fell in love with), and he is apologizing for things, and he is telling me that he wants to do better. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much. It's complicated but I really want it to work. So, yeah, we'll see...

[Vegan Princess]

Oh Gillian, I really truly hope that you can find a happy conclusion with your DH!! You have shown already that you are a strong, strong woman and I know that you will be fine and Royce will flourish no matter how the story ends...but it truly would be a blessing to have the man you fell in love with by your side on this journey once again. I'll be praying for you!

Justkate: I'm so glad that a VBAC is a possibility! Yay!

As for me, 33 days since my IUD was removed and no sign of ovulation or a period. I e-mailed my dr today asking what's up and she said to give it another month and then call if I haven't had a period. So progress TTC yet. I'm fine with things taking their time, I just would really like my cycle back to know things are working properly! I do think I got a period before it was removed so I don't think it's the nursing.

As for the country house - DH and I talk about moving all the time. We live in a great little liberal, crunchy city across the bay from San Francisco and it's just a cute, fantastic place to be. But it is a bit urban still and we aren't sure this is what we want for our kids. Not to mention the cost of living is ridiculous here. $700k for a tiny 3 bedroom with a postage stamp yard. My husband did grow up in a farmhouse on 40 acres until he was 10 and it's a dream of ours (his especially) to have land to grow food and for the kids to build a play house and be able to run around.

Cindy

[starling&diesel]

Thanks for all your kind thoughts for our little buddy who passed away ... so hard. So very, very hard.
I keep thinking about how it must've been for his mama to hold him and say goodbye. I cannot imagine.
We'll be missing his celebration of life, as we're leaving for Costa Rica on Saturday morning.
We're looking forward to it, as it's been 18 months, one baby, three dog deaths, two career shifts, two books, and three moves since we've had a real holiday and what with all the upheaval, we're long overdue.
We're aiming for super minimalism. One big suitcase and one small one, one daypack, and my shoulder bag. An ergo carrier. That's it. Hopefully that's all we'll need. We're borrowing a carseat there. We're visiting my aunt and uncle who live there. We're also CD'ing for the trip, which should be interesting. Are we crazy?

Gillian ... the situation with your hubby sounds hopeful! How spring-like and verdant!

justKate ... it must be frustrating to wait when you want answers now. Hang in there, hon!

Mal85 ... I can't believe how fast our little ones are growing up! I don't pine for more the same way you do, but I do miss the tiny baby Esmé was. She's so cool now, though, too!

A life in the country ... we had that. A lovely house, with a big yard, in a tiny little mountain town. We miss it very much. We moved for work, and to be closer to family. I love that we live in super crunchy urban village within the big city, but I do miss a lot about our old town. We lived there for three years, and before that we lived on a coastal penninsula only accessible by ferry. I love and miss the small town vibe, the slower pace, the simplicity, and the friends we made in both places, but I don't miss the lack of resources, and the incredibly insular nature of both communities.
When we moved back to the city, we had new friends and park friends and mama connections within weeks. It took ages to feel like we fit in rurally.

I could go on and on about this topic, but let me say that the grass isn't always greener in the green belt! But we do miss it, and long to get back to a small town life, despite the challenges it brought!

Gotta go! Esmé is stirring for her midnight boob binge!

[Thursday Girl]

midnight boob binge, lol. I like it.

Mal- I know what you mean, putting away the baby clothes is hard, it's hardest with Juiper b/c before I knew I would see them on another child of mine, now I am giving them away to people I hardly see at all. So evrytime I pack up the clothes I get a bit teary eyed, whereas when I was packing or unpacking them for my next daughter it was a happy occasion smiling at the memories of my little girls. BUT, I am so happy to be moving to the next stage in my life, there is an overwhelming feeling that it's time to move on and work on my new goals as the new me. It's an adventure I am looking forward to, a tep I am ready to take, and one I never could have taken before Juniper. I am a little sad that when it finally becomes time for my sisters to have their kids I won't be doing it with them because we had always wanted to be pregnant together. But it will also be cool that when Junes is 18 and moving out of the house I will only be 45.


Gillian- I am so excited that things with your husband are moving in a positive direction.

justKate-I am so glad they stictched you up properly. Have you visited I-Can? or whatever it's called. My friend had 2 vba2c, and credits what she learned there with her success. (I also credit her super strong personality)

COUNTRY LIVING- how funny that country living/neighborhoods and future kids are the topics up for discussion on our board as they are exactly what we talked about in the social part of LLL yesterday.

We struggle with this. We are in a little urban community that is sort of a haven in Tampa. It's historic, filled with trees, decent sized yards, a lot of things close by, family events that are usually free, a nice little neighborhood market with all sorts of amazing proucts, handmade, hand grown, etc. Extracurricular activities for the kids at a reasonable price, they are in an amazing private school that we barter for their tuition and it goes from pre-school to 12th grade. We have an amazing group of friends, and we did have family, but two of my sisters have moved now.
The thing is we kind of long for the country life, a nice farm with a large garden, cows, pigs, goats the whole bit. Woods for the kids to run in, build forts in. Storage in the house. LOL. (we live in a 1928 bungalow, low on storage) BUT I don't want to give up their school, and I really like the resources available, the cultural experiences I can give them. Our compromise for the time being is a garden in the backyard, 6 chickens as well. From here I don't know where we will go. We have an amazingly cheap mortgage thanks to my MIL buying the house originally before the market and it's giant bubble, she was nice enough to sell it to us for what she paid. My husband planted all sorts of fruit trees and berry bushes in the front yard, so we are kind of making our own little urban homestead.

HOUSE, Small- Mal you would be surprised what you can fit in a house. We DO have a 3 bedroom, but one of them is being used as storage and has been for years. It was our "indoor shed", serisouly. It had tools and an air compressor, and all sorts of shed type things in it. So we esentially lived in a 2 bedroom house with the 2 girls, and it was okay, a bit cramped but totally doable. The girls shared a room. It was when we added baby #3 that it got insane. (we are now working on redoing the back "storage room" since it has some issues with structure and such. Once that is done we will move into it, and our room will be a play room, then all THREE girls will share a room that is only a sleeping and dressing room. ) So if it is 1-2 years for a promotion you might be able to make it work and get your dream house sooner rather than later. You just have to get creative with layout and such. Plus, I don't know how the market is where you are but here it's going to be low for a year or so longer, maybe 3 before it totally stabalizes. We have found 5 acres for super cheap and were actually tempted to buy it now for the amazing price and hold onto it for a time when we were ready to move out and build our own place. Unfortunately, even at the great price we aren't in a position finacially to do it.

(gosh, sorry for being so wordy.)

[AKislandgirl]

small House: yes, we too have a small 2 bedroom 1 bath house and think we'll make it work for us as long as we live here in Kodiak. What I was going to tell you though is that my sister lives in a 1 bedroom cabin with 5 of her 8 kids! Her 2 oldest are out of the house now and 1 boy has a room at folks house next door. They are building a bigger house but have been building it for years. You can make do if you want to hold out for your dream house!

Starling: Have a wonderful trip!!! Relax and enjoy the sun. And I don't think you are crazy to travel with cloth at all! Have fun!! (and take me with you!)

[Thursday Girl]

oh yeah, we have totally travelled with cloth, on a number of occasons.

my crazy friends lived in the tiniest 2 bedroom house (that they turned into a 3 bedroom by mkaing 2 of the smallest rooms you have ever seen) with 3 kids all close in age for the entire 20 years they had the kids at home. when I think of them doing that it always makes my house a little easier to deal with. LOL

[justKate]

Re. small spaces--no complaints right now, as we went from a tiny 2-bedroom condo in FL to a decent size 3-bedroom house in TX this year. I've been thinking a lot about minimizing lately, and started posting stuff on ebay just to clear it out. I posted the rest of Aub's clothes that still had the tags, and some Minnie Mouse stuff that I just don't see myself putting her into. Not sure where we'll be living in 18 mos., so we may have more or less space. Hopefully wherever it is we can have chickens, 'cause I'm getting kind of obsessed with fresh eggs...they sell them at our little hardware store and Huz and I are ADDICTED.

Gillian, maybe this was your Huz' quarter (mid?) life crisis. I really hope that things work out the way you want them to. If I were in your situation I would be handling things exactly the same way. I think that you're showing Royce (and all of us!) that you are very strong.

Cindy, that's frustrating about the lack of a period. I'm ready for mine to come back too. Of course Huz keeps reminding me that I would have to pretend to like him to get pg anyway.... But I'd just like to know that it's an option when I'm ready.

Mal, it's so hard to look at Aubrey and think "little girl" instead of "little baby." After every bath I pick her up and cradle her in a towel in front of the bathroom mirror and "play baby" with her. "Look at mama's little baby...so tiny!" And kiss all over her face and rock her as her long legs and big feet smack the coutnertop. I'm going to keep doing it until she makes me stop. Hopefully that won't happen for a LONG while.

Starling, I hope you guys have TONS of fun in Costa Rica. The weather should be beautiful. Try to see some monkeys for me! Do you have anything specific planned, or are you just going to try to relax?

Okay now I need to actually pretend to work instead of playing on the internet. Three hours to go until my WEEKEND begins!

[starling&diesel]

Originally Posted by Thursday Girl

We struggle with this. We are in a little urban community that is sort of a haven in Tampa. It's historic, filled with trees, decent sized yards, a lot of things close by, family events that are usually free, a nice little neighborhood market with all sorts of amazing proucts, handmade, hand grown, etc. Extracurricular activities for the kids at a reasonable price, they are in an amazing private school that we barter for their tuition and it goes from pre-school to 12th grade. We have an amazing group of friends, and we did have family, but two of my sisters have moved now.
The thing is we kind of long for the country life, a nice farm with a large garden, cows, pigs, goats the whole bit. Woods for the kids to run in, build forts in. Storage in the house. LOL. (we live in a 1928 bungalow, low on storage) BUT I don't want to give up their school, and I really like the resources available, the cultural experiences I can give them.

Exactly, absolutely exactly. I don't think I would be happy living in between, say, in a suburb or outlying part of the city. Where we live is a arty funky neighbourhood, with lots of other two-mama families, lots of free or nearly free activities, good parks, lots of alternative schooling options, a big home schooling community, great produce and organic products, and my sister lives three doors away from us. Take away all that good stuff, and I would not be a happy camper.

We would LOVE to get into a co-op here so we could sell our expensive condo and save some money, and then buy a small piece of land with a cabin on it for weekend and holiday fun. Big dreams! I love 'em!

[mckittre]

Gillian - How exciting! Crossing my fingers for you that it works out how you hope. But whatever happens, I'm sure you'll make it work out.

Speaking of small spaces - we fit the three of us pretty well into just one room! And I know folks here in AK who've raised bigger families in smaller cabins. With a little creativity (and preferably some kind of shed or outdoor storage space), it can work well.

My husband and I aren't sure whether we'll have another or not, and are mostly leaning towards just one. Either way, I pack up Katmai's clothes and toys as soon as he grows out of them and pass them along to the next kid in town (or sometimes to the Salvation Army - we have a glut of baby clothes in town). I got all of his as hand-me-downs anyway, and I figure if we have another one eventually, someone else will have clothes they're trying to get rid of. With a one-room house, I can't afford to be sentimental about those kind of things! But I haven't yet had that kind of baby nostalgia, really. I just think my little guy gets more and more interesting and fun as he gets older.

[Everrgreen]

Happy Mother's Day Everyone!!!!

I am spending the day with my own mother and of course my sweet baby boy We will be having a pretty relaxing day with a nice dinner out later. And then probably early to bed as my little one had me up at 6:30 this morning which is waaaaayyyyy too early for me!

[Vegan Princess]

LOL Gillian - my little one slept until 6:30 and we thought that was a blessing!

Happy mother's day! My mom flew in yesterday. We always spend the day together. Makenna is obsessed with her. She will quit nursing or turn down nursing even to go be in the other room with her Grandma. My mom and I spent the day together yesterday alone and went to high tea and browsed some bookstores that we always want to linger in but can't with a baby. Today we are going out to brunch and then to walk around some rose gardens. Not sure what else.

I hope everyone else enjoys their day! I bet Starling is having a great day in Costa!

Cindy

[AKislandgirl]

Happy Mothers Day! I would love to be spending the day with my own mother but I've had a fantastic day so far!

I got to sleep in till 8:30 this morning. Then DH brought me coffee in bed! We went to our favorite restaurant for breakfast then took the dogs swimming at the beach. Fiona threw rocks in the water while the dogs chased sticks. It is a gorgeous sunny day here! I also got a gift certificate for a one hour massage. I can't wait to redeem it!!!

[Everrgreen]

Originally Posted by Vegan Princess

LOL Gillian - my little one slept until 6:30 and we thought that was a blessing!

Yes, I guess in the world of toddlers 6:30 isn't so bad! He was up at 6 this morning, but I managed to get him to doze a bit longer until 6:30. BUT, he has just figured out how to slide off the bed without my help, so I'm hoping that maybe he will be content to play in the room for a bit to give me more time dozing