reasons to cosleep?

[SilverFish]

are there compelling reasons to continue with cosleeping when everyone involved seems to sleep better without sharing a bed?

my daughter is only 1 month old so i know things will continue to evolve, but having her in our bed just doesn't seem to work as well. she sleeps as well or better in a bassinet (which is pulled up to my side of the bed at night, but she will happily sleep in there for hours anywhere in the house). i sleep much better without her right next to me... i'm still in "mommy doze" and hearing all her noises and movements, but being able to physically relax and sleep on my front or back has vastly improved my ability to function the next day. my husband sleeps better too, but he didn't really get the point of cosleeping anyway.

i don't know whether this is a result of her spending the first few days of her life in a NICU isolette, or if she's just one of those babies that doesn't need to be held or touched all the time. because she's so young, i still have to get up and turn a light on to get her latched for night time nursing, so i'm not getting that benefit from cosleeping either. basically, i'm nursing on demand regardless of where she sleeps, but i notice that her nurses are longer, deeper and less frequent when she's not in our bed, which seems like a positive thing too.

is there something i'm not seeing here that would make it worth me continuing to put her next to me to sleep rather than in a bassinet? and eventually she'll outgrow the bassinet and there's no room for a crib in our room, so i'm not sure what we'll do if sleeping seperately continues to work best for us... putting her in another room just seems so sad and lonely, but maybe she's got a personality like her dad's and just prefers her space?

what would you do?

[rzberrymom]

For us, sleep arrangements have changed over and over throughout both my kiddos' lives, and we always just tried to do whatever got us the most sleep at that time. For example, my DD slept well alone at the very beginning, but then she looked for more contact from me at about 4 months. And then separation anxiety kicked in at about 8 months, and she slept infinitely better with someone always right next to her. By 18 months, it was getting crowded in our bed and we added a twin mattress for her right next to our bed. Then a new baby came, and we put two big beds in the room and play musical beds depending on who needs snuggling during the night.

Although, for me, there were some pretty clear reasons to cosleep, even if my DD's slept just as well without me. Co-sleeping helped TREMENDOUSLY with bonding with my DD. By about 4 months, she would scoot over to snuggle with me--I would move to give her a little room, and she'd scoot over to me again. Melted my heart! Co-sleeping has kept us all remarkably close and bonded and has been one of our best discipline tools.

Co-sleeping also helped both my kiddos fall back to sleep much more quickly during night nursing--if I was right there and could get to them quickly when they woke, they always fell right back to sleep much more easily.

Good luck!

[maptome]

It sounds like you technically are cosleeping, just not bedsharing. When my LO was that young, she didn't want cuddling but she could sense being near me, and next to my bed was near enough.

And yes, your sleeping arrangements will evolve. Just keep doing what you think is right. There is no rule that says that bedsharing is the "right" thing to do.

[Katie T]

If me and my kids slept better in our own space that is what I would do as well. You ARE doing the definition of cosleeping, but I don't know of any benefits of forcing a baby and parents who perfer to sleep alone to share a bed.

Things may change as she ages, but I agree do what you feel is right it sounds like you are listening to her needs which is exactly what you should do so keep up the good work.

[Llyra]

I think the best sleeping arrangements are the ones that allow everybody involved to get the best sleep possible, while still making sure that baby's needs are met. If a child is happy in his/her own sleeping space, and you are close enough by to respond to the child if a need arises, then I think that's just fine.

I wouldn't put a child under at least 6 months old in a separate room. The evidence shows that sleeping in the same room reduces the risk of SIDS. I actually think I'd wait until ten months or even a year old for a separate room, but I think separate beds in the same room is just fine. If you can't fit a crib in the room with you, could you maybe fit something smaller like a pack-and-play? It's much smaller, and a safe sleeping space, and most kids can sleep in them into the toddler years.

Our sleeping arrangements always changed and evolved as my kids grew. We had every arrangement you can imagine-- sidecarred cribs, pack-and-play in the same room, bedsharing, bassinets, cradles, mats on the floor, a mattress on the floor, crib in the same room, etc. You will probably find that if you're flexible, and just do what seems to work best at any given stage of baby's life, that the worry about where baby should sleep will kind of take care of itself.

[SilverFish]

thanks... i guess i just felt like i was maybe only giving into pressure from my mom and husband to put her in a bassinet, because that's what everyone does! but we've had such better nights lately... and i think my brain is getting better at telling what are real "i need something" noises and what are just noisy baby noises...

i will try to be flexible... but how do you convince your partner to be flexible too?